For better, for worse
by callie rawston
Summary: Dylan Keogh is based at Holby City E.D. but what if his wife had not been seconded to the team? When Sam Nicholls is called to support him, the two of them have to face up to the breakdown of their marriage. AU.
1. Prologue

**Okay, so time for something a bit different. Don't worry - I haven't given up on To Look Out For You, I'm just having a rough few days and thought I would give myself a different challenge to distract myself with. This is the result apparently. The first update is just a prologue and then from chapter 1 we will skip forward to the present day, when things will be a little different. **

**I hope you enjoy it and thank you to everyone who has supported my fics so far. Love to you all. :)**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Prologue**

Friday 7th January 2011

The two of them sat in an unnerving silence inside the freezing car and watched the comings and goings at the secured gate area in front of them with a false appearance of interest. Sam nervously chewed on the sleeve of her over-sized grey hoody and resisted the temptation to turn her head towards the man sitting behind the steering wheel, determined to stay strong as she mentally readied herself for the impending permanent departure from his company.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you in?" came the male voice from beside her and Sam felt herself furiously shaking her head as face reddened with the warmth of embarrassment.

"No, I think that would be a bit, um," Sam started, but trailed off and she found herself unable to finish the sentence. "Thank you for bringing me though, you really didn't have to," she added, trying to keep the on-off polite conversation going for longer than it had done throughout the entire length of the cross-country journey.

"I said I would, didn't I?" Dylan responded questioningly. "Stay safe out there," he continued, before pausing for a few seconds. "Make sure he takes care of you," he finished brusquely, causing Sam to wince at the terse tone and implication behind the incredibly pointed words.

After a moment of hesitation, Sam found the courage to vocalise a thought that had been whizzing through her mind ever since she had received notification of her return date. "Do you want me to remove you as my next of kin?" she queried, suddenly finding a reason to stare purposefully out of the passenger door window into the snowy nothingness so as not be caught looking in her husband's direction. "You know, just in case something happens. I'm sure you won't want them bothering you," she added, risking a quick glance at her companion who was still glaring straight ahead, eyes unfocused on the scene in front of them.

"What? And replace me with whom exactly?" Dylan asked harshly, obviously infuriated, and Sam found herself floundering for a suitable or satisfactory response. "They can still phone me Samantha. We are still married," he stated matter-of-factly. "Technically speaking at any rate."

Sam shut her eyes and briefly hung her head in shame, as she answered him, "Yeah, technically." She forced herself to slowly undo her seatbelt and turn in her chair so that she was facing her husband and eyed his body language intently.

"Listen Dylan," she started, noting with alarm quite how vulnerable she sounded as she spoke. "None of this is your fault, I'm the one who messed up and you shouldn't be the one to suffer." In response Dylan slightly lowered his gaze, the weight of her words apparently heavy upon his shoulders as she continued.

"You're not happy; you haven't been yourself for ages. You must know as well as I do that you aren't suited to being a country GP," Sam said, her tone becoming more serious and urgent as she gained in confidence. "You don't have to worry about me anymore, go back and get yourself an E.D. consultancy post, do something you want to do for a change. Forget about me. Forget about us."

"Sam," Dylan curtly started to respond, a warning tone in his voice.

"No," she replied, cutting him off before he could finish dismissing her concern. "I need you to know you have my permission to move on, not that you need it. Please, just promise me you will at least think about it. I screwed everything up, not you, and before I go I need to give you your life back. I owe you that much at least."

Dylan cocked his head to one side slightly and met her gaze, nodding his head gently in an indication of understanding at her plight. Sam looked away, took a deep breath and opened the car door, before jumping down onto the icy ground. She moved to open the rear door of the vehicle and bent down to lure the scruffy dog camped out on the back seat into a tight clinch.

"Goodbye darling," she whispered into the dejected looking mutt's ear, blinking back tears as she breathed in the familiar canine smell, knowing it was likely to be for the last time. "Take care of him for me you daft thing."

Sam gently ruffled the dog's messy coat as she gradually released her and busied herself with hauling the rucksack from behind the passenger seat up onto her shoulder, groaning slightly at the load as she did so. She walked round the back of the car and found herself face to face with Dylan, who had clambered out of the driver side door and was standing leaning against the side of the vehicle, deep in contemplation.

"Look after yourself Grumpy," she said in his direction, her voice so quiet that she wasn't even sure she had said the words aloud.

"Don't do anything stupid," was the comment that automatically escaped Dylan's mouth. "Try and come back in one piece alright?" Sam nodded, but before she could offer a further answer she found herself being pulled into a heartfelt embrace, her lips meeting her husband's in a fleeting symbolisation of compassion and farewell.

"Samantha," he began, as the two of them separated and his hand briefly met that of his wife. "I'll see you in…." he continued, but stopped on seeing her shake her head sadly.

"Goodbye Dylan," she responded forlornly, shaking her hand free. "Good luck. With everything," she added, barely able to force the words out given the overwhelming burden of guilt placed squarely at her feet. "I'm sorry," she ended, before turning away and trudging as rapidly as her military booted feet would carry her across the snowy pavement towards the entrance of the army base, the emotions in her heart far heavier than the bag upon her shoulder.

"Goodbye Samantha," Dylan said aloud, but knowing that the wife who had disappeared behind the closing gates could no longer hear his words. He climbed back into the car, started the engine with a jolt and hit his hand hard against the steering wheel in frustration. Dervla jumped through into the passenger seat from the rear of the vehicle and he instinctively patted his canine companion's coat as she rested her head on his lap.

"She's gone," he spoke, voice no more than a whisper. "Samantha's gone for good."

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><p><strong>So, that is just my little opening to get you interested. I will start updating properly by Friday.<strong>

**Thanks for reading, Callie x**


	2. Chapter 1

**Hello again. Thank you to all my previous reviewers, especially my girlies Anny and Meggi :)**

**This chapter is a little short, but it sets up what happens next. I hope you like it.**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 1**

Thursday 1st March 2012

"You know you could always ask Big Mac to walk her, I'm sure he wouldn't mind," Zoe queried as she followed Dylan into the staffroom, only to be met with a glare from her colleague in response.

"I don't think Dervla would be particularly satisfied with that arrangement," came the terse response, which elicited a smile from Dr Hanna as she walked over to the kitchen area and put the kettle on to boil.

They had repeated the same conversation every day that week thus far, much to Dr Keogh's irritation and Zoe's bemusement. In the previous couple of months the two of them had spent a significant amount of time together and Zoe had learned the priority Dylan's dog had over her in his life, but it never failed to charm her at how seriously he took his responsibilities towards his canine companion.

Dervla had been less than her usual daft self over the past few weeks, to the point where even Zoe had picked up on her deteriorating state. However after a number of visits to the vets and a recent period of admittance for surgery, much to the consternation of both the dog and its owner, the mutt's condition appeared to be improving. The pair of colleagues had argued on a number of occasions over the best course of action upon Dervla's discharge back into her master's charge, but despite Dylan not being keen on bringing her into the department given the memory of the tragedy that had befallen Polly the previous year, he had insisted it had to be him who ensured the canine was cared for.

It had been fortuitous that the weather had warmed in the early spring sunshine in recent days, so following Dervla's collection from the much loathed veterinary centre Dylan had set up a makeshift kennels in the back of his car. As medical practitioners both Doctor Keogh and Doctor Hanna were well aware that it was irrational for him to consider that he could provide better treatment than a qualified vet, but to date he had managed to balance his working commitments whilst maintaining his own canine rehabilitation centre with just minimal support and cover from Zoe.

For her part, Zoe knew how grateful her counterpart was to her for ensuring he could take regular breaks to make the short trip to the car park and assess how well the patient was recuperating. The focus of their conversation on the journey home the previous night had been how long it was likely to be before Dervla regained enough physical fitness that they would all be able to get back to a semblance of normality.

The reality that the sense of routine they both had craved to return to now comprised of shared car drives to and from work, evenings spent in posh restaurants of Zoe's choosing and cosy nights spent curled up on Dylan's houseboat together had surprised them both, but their relationship had developed rapidly following their shared experiences inside the fire that had ripped through the E.D. back in December. The closure of the department for rebuilding efforts over a number of weeks had led to both doctors having time on their hands and given the brief kiss they had shared upon considering they were about to die, Zoe especially had been clear to explore the possibilities that had opened up to them following the unexpected turn of events. The intimate nature that the relationship had taken had felt alien to Dylan in comparison to his last close connection, but it had become apparent to him that the majority of women, his current partner included, were very different to the one from his past.

"So are we still going to Carlotta's tonight?" Zoe questioned, referencing the boutique Italian restaurant that had opened across Holby the week before. However upon seeing an uncomfortable look fall across Dylan's face, she was already aware of the answer.

"You still don't think she is well enough to leave on her own for a bit, do you?" she probed, before continuing, "It's fine Dylan, I know she's important to you. But when that dog is better I swear you owe me at least a week's worth of meals out somewhere very expensive." Her understanding at finding herself second best to a canine was not a situation that Zoe was familiar with, so her acceptance of the predicament was begrudging at best.

"I'll cook," Dylan responded shortly, knowing full well that his culinary expertise was incredibly limited in comparison to the five star lasagne that would have been on the menu at his dinner date's preferred dining location. "Or," he added, considering the options, "We could always get a take-away."

He grabbed his coat and car keys from the open locker and walked towards the staffroom door. "I'll see you in half an hour," he called back in his colleague's direction.

"Yeah, just make sure you take your phone in case we get anything major coming in," she replied and smiled as Dylan patted down his pockets until he confirmed the mobile was present as requested, before leaving the room completely focused on reaching his ever faithful canine from the backseat of his old car.

Upon reaching the vehicle and opening the back door he was pleased to see the dejected looking animal show a degree of interest in his arrival and he ruffled her coat in comfort.

"Right, now we are just going for a quick walk," Dylan spoke directly towards his dog, who at that moment was eying him with obvious misgivings. "I know it hurts and you want to stay here, but I am just doing what is best for you. The only way for you to recover if for you to undertake regular, gentle exercise."

Dylan reached in and carefully removed the reluctant creature from the rear of the vehicle, before placing her on the lead and slowly making off across the car park. He had never been sure why he felt the need to restrain the dog, given that she consistently remained attached to him like a shadow. However the hospital and surrounding streets were always filled with the sounds of sirens and Dylan had never been prepared to take the chance his confidante would be spooked and make a run for it. That was partly the reason he would never consider allowing someone else to take care of or even walk his dog, well that and the fact that he deemed most people incapable of functioning well enough to take care of themselves the majority of the time if the state they presented to the E.D. in was any indication to go by. The last person aside from himself who had been responsible for Dervla's care had long since departed their lives and it had become customary to them both that they solely relied on each other for companionship.

Dylan had curtly rebuffed Zoe's offer to be an additional dog walker earlier that week and so far he had managed to avoid any discussion over her caring for the canine whilst she spent the night aboard his boat. Dr Hanna did not appear to be a particularly animal friendly individual if his judgement was correct, but he was aware that at some point he would need to ensure that she had bonded with Dervla to prevent tensions from appearing between the three of them as his own relationship with his fellow doctor became more serious.

He exited the car park and began the short walk down the main road towards the park located around the corner from the hospital, with his loyal dog slowly jogging alongside him. He became vaguely aware of a loud screeching noise in the distance, but as the source of the sound neared him he was rudely interrupted from his thoughts by the squealing of car brakes. He looked up in alarm at the erratically driven people carrier which was spinning out of control rapidly in his direction.

In the seconds that followed Dylan found himself considering that the size of the car meant this would not be ending well for anyone and he realised that the shouting he could hear was his own, yelling at Dervla to get out of the way. However before he could do anything other than let go of his beloved dog's lead, there was a sickening thud and the graunching of bones breaking, before darkness descended and his world went dark.

It was in that moment Dylan wondered whether someone would phone her and if they did, whether she would even come. Dervla needed her, and so did he.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, reviews would be very welcome. And I aim to have the next part of this (and To Look Out For You aswell) up on Saturday.<strong>

**Callie x**


	3. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this. Hope you aren't all too mad at me for hurting Dylan!**

**Here is chapter 2, hope you enjoy. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 2**

Thursday 1st March 2012

Nick slammed down the phone in resus with frustration at the lack of cooperation he had just received from his former colleagues up in general surgery. His E.D. was in a state of chaos, which should have come as no surprise to him given the fact they had been a doctor down over the past few weeks anyway, but that was before the added complication of having one of his consultants lying unconscious strapped to a bed in his department and a second barely maintaining her composure as she treated a patient across the opposite side of the room.

Zoe knew that she was struggling to hide her distress at seeing Dylan looking so incredibly broken and vulnerable lying on a trolley, but she was trying to focus on treating the other party from the accident that had caused such injuries in her own partner. The semi-conscious driver had so far only been able to provide brief details of what had occurred, but it appeared that he had been without blame as the initial police inspection of the crash site had indicated that a tyre had burst causing his car to spin out of control without warning. She had heard his frantic description of the moment he had hit a man out walking his dog and her mind had played his words on repeat ever since, each time forcing her to imagine the sickening crunch that would have occurred as Dylan was hit almost full on in his stomach. He had apparently had no time to save himself, although she knew that when he awoke it would be Dervla's disappearance that concerned him the most, the dog having last been seen making a run from the accident site upon the ambulances arriving.

Nick watched his colleague deep in thought as she continued her assessment of the individual who had caused Dr Keogh's injuries. He had yet to break it to her that far from being a simple accident it appeared that the man she was so carefully examining had been speeding quite considerably immediately prior to the crash and police intelligence had indicated the car was stolen. Given that the man was in an even worse state that the doctor lying across the room from him, level of consciousness aside, Nick had advised the police that he was physically incapable of leaving the department and that due to the tension and upset it would create for the already stretched E.D. staff group it would be for the best if they did not arrest him until he was admitted to a ward upstairs. He had never quite been so grateful as he had at the moment they had agreed to his request, because the team was barely functioning as it was and whilst Dylan may not have personally endeared himself to anyone other than Dr Hanna in recent months the Clinical Lead was well aware how loyal his staff would be to their own in the face of someone who had caused one of them harm.

Dr Hanna had been the first to meet the paramedics as they barged through the ambulance bay doors, but in the same moment Jeff had called out to all concerned that the man strapped to their trolley was Dr Keogh, Dixie had ushered Zoe away from the commotion and held her back until the second patient had arrived. The dazed and confused state of his former lover was an image Nick Jordan knew that he would not shake for the longest time and it had been for that one simple acknowledgement of how much she cared about Dylan that he had shooed her away every time she had tried to help with the assessment of his condition, sensing that her mind was far too focused on her personal connection to her colleague to provide the detached medical care such a case would require.

"Everything alright?" Charlie probed, appearing beside him at the phone.

"Keller is shut to new admissions for the foreseeable and theatres are backed up," Nick all but snapped in retort, before realising his error. "Sorry Charlie, not your fault I know. They can take one of them now, the other is just going to have to wait."

"And they want to prioritise him?" came the sympathetic question in reply, gesturing at the driver as he did so and eliciting a nod from Nick in response. "I remember a time when an injured colleague would have taken precedence above everything else, but not these days eh?"

The two men turned round and leant back against the counter top, watching Zoe busily writing notes on her patient's chart however her mind and stare lay firmly elsewhere. Linda crossed the room from Dylan's bedside to join her, reassuringly patting Dr Hanna's arm as she did so.

"Do we have next of kin details for him yet?" Charlie asked, pointing in Dylan's direction and Nick shook his head in response.

"Zoe?" he called over, but she made no indication that she had heard him. "Dr Hanna?" he asked, trying for a second time to get her attention but it was only when Linda touched her hand and motioned over in his direction that Zoe looked up and on seeing his signal made over to join him and Charlie in the corner of the room.

"We need to get in contact with next of kin for Dr Keogh," Nick started, trying to keep his voice steady so as not to alarm her. "Do you have any ideas on who we should call? Mother, father, siblings? Is there anyone you can think of?"

Zoe turned her head slightly to look in Dylan's direction before returning her gaze to the Nick and Charlie, who were both looking at her expectantly.

"We haven't gotten round to doing any meet the family introductions yet, sorry. I've got no idea," she said sadly, as if it was the first time she realised just how little she actually knew about Dylan's life away from his work and relationship with her. In fact she could not recall him ever mentioning family or close friends, or anyone other than his beloved and now missing canine companion. "I'm not sure if Dylan even has a family," she added as an afterthought, more to herself than the two men standing in front of her.

"Can we get Noel to dig out the emergency file and track down Dylan's next of kin as a matter of priority then please Charlie?" Nick asked of his colleague. The senior nurse nodded and quickly departed, resting his hand briefly on Zoe's shoulder as he did so. That simple act of compassion caused her to almost buckle under its weight and Nick found himself drawing his former partner into an embrace he hadn't been anticipating he would need to provide or that she would be willing to receive.

"Listen Zoe," Nick spoke as he loosened his hold on the woman and held her at arm's length in front of him. "Keller can only take one patient and of these two Dylan is definitely in a more stable condition." He could see that she was about to argue with him and whilst he wholeheartedly agreed with her that Dr Keogh should have some priority to be transferred under the circumstances, he knew that hearing that was not going to help her. "You know as well as I do that it's just a waiting game with Dylan now. The orthopods aren't going to start anything until they're sure any bleeding has been stopped and the GS guys upstairs have reviewed the scans and are happy to give him a bit longer under observation before they cut him open." He knew that every word he had uttered was no less than true but he couldn't help but feel slightly duplicitous at hiding from her the potentially irreparable nature of some of her partner's injuries, despite feeling it only right that Dylan or his next of kin were first to hear that information.

Zoe glanced back over at her own patient, who she knew was much more likely to bleed out from his injuries than the man she cared about just a few beds away. The harsh reality of hospital policy might dictate that the driver had to be the first patient to be admitted to a surgical ward she couldn't help but wish that the opposing decision had been made. However a small part of her was vaguely relieved that Dr Keogh would be remaining in the E.D. for a little longer, as she trusted her own colleagues far more than those in the main part of the hospital to provide him with the first class care he deserved. She had already overheard Nick arguing with various departments on a number of occasions so far to ensure Dylan had been able to access every test, scan and consult he required in record time.

"Linda?" Nick called over to the blonde nurse. "Can you arrange for Mr Young to be sent up to Keller as soon as possible please, they are expecting him. And then can you get Dylan moved into next door," he asked, gesturing at the smaller room to the side of resus. "He is likely to be with us for a little while longer, so if Tess and Charlie can spare you I'd like you to stay with him full time until he can be moved upstairs."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll sort it," Linda responded in her strong Liverpudlian accent, surprise evident in her tone that she had been entrusted with the not insignificant responsibility of caring for their injured colleague.

"Zoe, if you feel up to it we could really do with a hand clearing the backlog in cubicles," Nick started again, turning his attention back to the female at his side and receiving a glare back from her in reply. "I know you want to stay close at hand, but there is nothing you can do for him now and we both know you will welcome the distraction of being busy," he added, referencing a time in their past when it had been him she had been so concerned about.

"I'll take over from Dylan in CDU," Zoe eventually responded, reluctantly agreeing that she would feel far better if she was able to be productive and strangely taking a sense of comfort from the fact that she would be caretaking her partner's treasured bolt hole in his absence.

Without waiting for any further comment, Nick propelled the woman away from resus and back out towards reception where she was almost instantaneously joined by Scarlett, who seemed to have been thrust in her direction by Charlie upon deducing Nick's intention for Zoe to be back out treating patients in the department rather than brooding by Dr Keogh's bedside.

"Found those details yet?" Nick called over in the direction of the reception desk as he watched Dr Hanna and Nurse Conway heading over towards CDU, the young nurse obviously trying to offer her older colleague a degree of comfort as they left.

"On it," Noel stated in reply as he found the document he was looking for and scanned down the list until he located Dr Keogh's name. It had been the second time in a matter of months that he had been in the position of needing to use these details, with the last occasion being the night of the fire when he had all but dialled the first number when he had heard Dr's Keogh and Hanna had been rescued and Ruth, Jay and the missing girl had been found safely atop the hospital roof.

"Mrs S Keogh?" he asked himself aloud and Big Mac appeared on the other side of the reception counter, studying the document upside down with interest.

"Mother or sister?" he suggested in response to Noel's words, but neither could comprehend Dylan having either in his life. "Are you going to tell them about the missing dog?" Big Mac queried, but Noel gestured at him to be quiet as he had already dialled the mobile number of the mystery Keogh relation and the porter settled against the desk, waiting to establish quite who the receptionist would be speaking to.

"Hello?" Noel spoke into the phone upon hearing it connect. "Is that Mrs S Keogh?" he continued before pausing. "Oh right, Samantha did you say? This is Noel from Holby City Emergency Department. I'm phoning in connection with Dr Dylan Keogh," he continued, before hesitating at hearing her response. "Yes, he works here. I'm actually a colleague of his," he added, finding those words brought a slight smile to his face. "I'm phoning to inform you that Dr Keogh has been involved in an accident. We're currently treating him in the E.D. and you are listed as his next of kin, so…"

He stopped speaking abruptly and Big Mac leaned in to hear a female voice speaking fairly determinedly on the other end of the phone, before Noel again responded. "Of course Samantha, we look forward to seeing you shortly. Do you mind telling me? " He waited again, before adding as an afterthought "I think she put the phone down."

"Who was that then?" Big Mac questioned before Noel could even replace the handset. "She sounded like a feisty little thing."

"Name is Samantha Keogh, no idea what relation she is to Dylan though," Noel admitted sheepishly. "She hung up before I could ask her. Definitely not his mother though, didn't sound anywhere near old enough. Little sister perhaps?" he wondered aloud.

Nick reappeared by the reception area on his way back from cubicles to check on Dylan and Noel caught his eye, "Dr Keogh's next of kin is on her way. She'll be here in an hour."

"Thank you Noel. Good work," Nick answered before striding back towards his still unconscious patient, momentarily allowing himself to wonder quite how difficult any member of Dylan's family would be to manage given how impersonable the man himself had always been.

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><p><strong>So, Samantha is on her way... <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed, reviews will always be welcome. Next part should be up in a day or so. Callie x**


	4. Chapter 3

**Thank you to all my readers and reviewers for the last chapter, much appreciated as ever. I still apologise greatly for hurting Dylan, but sometimes these things need to be done!**

**I would just like to make the point that I am not a doctor and therefore please don't judge me too harshly for any inaccuracies in the medical information listed from here on in. I have based what is going to happen on a specific case so I know I'm correct in my thinking, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to explain it as well as a doctor could. Just saying :)**

**Anyway, here is chapter 3. Hope you enjoy.**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 3**

Thursday 1st March 2012

Noel looked up at the beautiful young woman in front of him with genuine concern at the pale and worried condition she presented in. She did not initially look as if she herself was unwell, but her messy ponytail, noticeably hastily packed rucksack and large, frightened eyes indicated to him that she may well have left somewhere in quite a hurry to get to the E.D. to see someone she cared deeply about. Far from being just a receptionist as he knew some would see it, Noel found his time providing information and reassuring people like her the most valuable he spent on any task.

"Can I help you?" he enquired politely, trying to elicit a response from the girl who was earnestly studying the comings and goings around her.

"I received a call," she started, before hesitating. "I'm here to see Dylan Keogh."

"Are you Samantha?" Noel questioned, immediately realising upon hearing her speak that this was the same female he had communicated with via phone only a matter of an hour or so before. "Dr Keogh is through in a side room near our resus area and if you just give me a minute to deal with the gentleman behind you, I will take you through and introduce you to Mr Jordan, our Clinical Lead who will be able to answer your questions I'm sure."

"Thanks Noel," Sam replied, reading his name badge and nodding in acknowledgement before taking a step back away from the reception desk to allow him to process the bloodied individual who had arrived immediately after her. She looked around the busy department with interest at finally seeing the much anticipated Holby City E.D. and couldn't help but find herself considering whether Dylan had any particular connection with the various staff members moving quickly in and out of her view. In many senses it appeared just like any other emergency room that she had visited over the years and whilst she had seen several in recent times, she was well aware that this one was different, if only because it was the place where Dylan spent the majority of his life.

Upon turning around she saw the sign for resus pointing down the corridor and in seeing that the receptionist was still busy booking in the bleeding man from the queue, she decided to track down Dylan and the esteemed Mr Jordan herself. She found the room she was looking for easily and approached the door with much haste, unable to comprehend the devastation she may find on making her entrance. However as her palm pressed up against the glass and she went to swing the door open, something triggered her to look sideways and she was able to identify that the smaller private room she was now staring at was currently the residence of one Dr Keogh.

As she moved towards the door Sam was able to see that the only other occupant was a blonde nurse, who was facing away from her and seemed totally distracted by whatever task she was undertaking at that moment. With that in mind and no longer fancying making any sort of grand entrance, just wishing to see the state Dylan was in to settle her own nerves, she quietly pushed the door open and slipped inside, with an express determination not to attract the attention of anyone until she had reassured herself as to his condition.

She slowly advanced on the unconscious man's bedside and almost found herself throwing up as a wave of nausea overtook her at the sight of his injured body. She reached out and steadied herself on the cold metal bars along the side of the trolley, before continuing to move forward and studying Dylan's face intently for signs that whatever his physical state, the man she loved was still very much present inside the battered form. Her fingers reached out and gingerly stroked his cheek, almost flinching at the complete lack of response from him despite being aware of his lifeless state. She retracted her hand from his face and instead brought it down to his side, where she allowed her fingers to lace in with his in a gesture she hoped would bring him comfort if he was able to feel it at all wherever his mind currently lay.

"And who are you?" came a male voice from behind her, breaking her trail of thought and making both her and the blonde nurse jump at the sound. Sam felt herself begin to flush with embarrassment at having been caught out, but instead forced herself to stand tall by Dylan's side with a look of defiance plastered across her face.

"Sam Nicholls," she responded, almost without thinking and as the blonde nurse moved to join the man she could immediately identify from reputation alone as Nick Jordan, she could see that these words meant little to either of them.

The door opened sharply behind them and in walked Noel, looking slightly uncomfortable. "You found them already then?" he asked, and in response to the blank stares he received from all parties in the room, he continued. "This is Samantha Keogh, Dylan's next of kin."

"Ah, Samantha," Nick started, moving towards her and offering her his hand to shake. "I'm Nick Jordan, Clinical Lead, and this is Nurse Andrews, she is monitoring Dr Keogh's condition for us."

"Linda," the blonde nurse chimed in and Sam felt the need to reciprocate the hand-shaking gesture she had just received from Mr Jordan with her as well, a motion the two females carried off awkwardly, before Sam dumped the heavy bag from her shoulder to the floor next to Dylan's bedside.

"Thanks Noel," Nick said, before continuing dismissively, "I'm sure we can cope now, you must need to get back to reception."

The man himself beamed at Sam and she offered him the most genuine smile she could in response as he departed, feeling almost sorry for him at his being sent away given how helpful he had earlier been to her. However that thought soon subsided as her mind returned back to her unconscious companion and the as yet unexplained cause and nature of his injuries.

"I'd like an update on his condition," she stated as confidently as she could muster, determined not to appear weak in front of such a revered consultant, especially one that was Dylan's boss.

Nick took the young girl's appearance in as he watched her try to keep a lid on her emotions. He was definitely not so blind to the female charm that he could not see she was attractive, but she looked very young, much more so than he would ever have anticipated Dr Keogh's next of kin being for reasons he could not yet identify. Samantha was dressed simply in a grey hoody, tight jeans and boots, with her hair scraped back into a ponytail in such a manner he imagined that if anything it made her look younger than her years. As a medic with vast experience he had become expert at judging people's age and circumstances from just the briefest of clues, as in moments of emergency this information could be crucial. However all he had so far managed to ascertain from this young woman was that she could have been no more than mid-twenties at most and that her caring touch of Dylan's cheek some moments before belied an apparent love that defied definition for him at that moment.

"Okay, I'll try and give you the best update I can Samantha, but I don't want to overwhelm you and you need to be aware we are still waiting on some test results, so as yet I don't have all the answers," Nick explained and watched as she eyed him with suspicion on hearing his words. He had been truthful in that he did not want to overload her with news of Dr Keogh's state, especially given how vulnerable she looked, but he was also still wrestling with asking her who she actually was in relation to his colleague. He knew that she may be hurt if he asked her outright as it would demonstrate to her that Dylan had never spoken of her before, so he settled for knowing that the gossipy blonde nurse in the corner of the room would undoubtedly get that information out of her later on. Or undoubtedly he had to consider the option that his own former partner would pointedly ask the girl outright, given how apparent it was that she was so far unaware of her existence and he could only hope Zoe would not be too shocked by any potential deception on Dylan's behalf, especially as they had recently become so very close.

"His head CT was clear," Nick said aloud, "as was his chest, so there are no neurological or cardio-thoracic complications as far as I can see," he continued, trying to offer her a reassuring smile. "That is obviously a positive, as it means we think his head, heart and lungs have escaped relatively unscathed." He noted that he was receiving little more than a stunned, unseeing stare from the young woman but made the decision to carry on explaining as simply as he could manage to ensure she was in possession of the facts. "X-rays have shown that there are some definite breaks to his lower right leg, which is why it is that pressured cast to prevent any further damage," he said, indicating the blue air-filled support that was strapped to Dylan's limb. "We also have spotted he has broken the same ankle, and he is going to need surgery to set that all back in place. Additionally, his pelvis is quite unstable and an ultrasound has shown he has some fluid, which is most likely blood, in his lower abdomen and so we are a bit concerned he may have damaged his spleen, kidneys or possibly his bladder. The surgeons have had a look at him and they aren't unduly worried at this stage, but he is likely to need a further operation to ensure that it is dealt with properly. In the meantime we are just waiting for them to admit him to our General Surgery ward so they can keep him under observation." He paused, before querying, "Does that all make some kind of sense?"

She nodded silently, before looking back over at Dylan and then once again meeting Nick's gaze. "What about his back? You've still got him strapped to a board, which means you must be worried about his spine, right?" she asked, her voice tinged with sadness at the implication of her words.

"His lower back and abdomen are very badly bruised," Nick answered, as honestly as he was able to under the circumstances. "He seems to have taken a direct impact to that area by the car when it hit him unfortunately. However the scans show that whilst his spinal cord appears swollen, there is no evidence of an actual break. You have to understand that whilst he remains unconscious it is very difficult for us to be sure whether there is any lasting damage, so for now we just have to wait." He looked her straight in the eye, before adding, "I know that probably isn't much comfort right now, but we really are doing all we can Samantha, I promise you that."

She hesitated again, a look Nick registered as a mixture of fear and uncertainty flashing across her eyes before she spoke. "I know you are, it's just a lot to take in that's all." She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling even more of it from its messy tie before adding, "And it's Sam by the way, not Samantha."

Nick nodded to acknowledge her words, before they were interrupted by Linda, who whilst they had been talking had moved to Dylan's bedside to check his obs. "Sam is there anything we can do for you? Anyone else we can call for the two of you?" she asked, trying to be as helpful as possible but also trying to establish the connection between the injured doctor and the young woman at his side.

Sam shook her head in response, before conceding, "Actually I do need to make a call myself, do you mind if I just step outside?"

"Of course not," Nick replied kindly. "When you've finished feel free to come back and wait in here or you can ask Linda to take you through to the relative's room if you'd rather be a bit more comfortable. I'll update you as soon as we have any news."

Sam shot both the male and female present a brief smile, before glancing back at Dylan and then rapidly leaving the room, pulling her phone from the front pocket of her hooded sweatshirt as she did so. She made her way towards the exit of the department, not wanting her conversation to be overheard by anyone given the apparently highly limited information they appeared to have gleaned about her up until that point and as she walked she scrolled down the list of contacts on her mobile. Sam paused slightly at seeing "Grumpy" listed as one of her options, the irony of the fact that she had inputted his details in at least three phones now and despite that had yet to use them, weighing heavy on her mind given that she had never anticipated seeing the man again. However she continued searching past his name and found the person she was looking for, whose number was almost as instantly recognisable to her as Dylan's always had been.

Linda waited until Nick Jordan had returned to the main resus department before exiting the smaller room and watching Sam Keogh, Sam Nicholls or whatever she was calling herself walk out of the E.D. and into the car park, mobile attached to her ear and obviously deep in conversation. She caught sight of Lenny in the reception area, talking to Noel having just purchased a hot drink from the kiosk and scurried over towards him before he could depart back into cubicles, coffee cup in hand.

"Have you seen her?" she asked, before clarifying for the benefit of the seemingly clueless Dr Lyons, "Sam I mean. Dylan's next of kin?"

He shook his head and eyed her curiously, "No, why is she a monster? Is she the female Dr Keogh? Does she have two heads? What?"

"No, better than all of that," Linda whispered conspiratorially. "She is very young, pretty looking too. And she obviously really cares about him. Bless her; she looked so worried when Jordan was explaining his injuries."

"Okay, so who is she then?" Lenny countered. "This girl of Dylan's."

"She wouldn't say," Linda retorted, raising the suspicion level in her voice as she did so. "My best guess would be his kid sister perhaps," she said, pondering the various options available to her. "Although," she reflected, pausing for a moment to calculate the possibility, "she could actually be his daughter."

Lenny almost choked on a slurp of coffee he had just taken, barely able to comprehend such a ludicrous set of circumstances and yelped aloud, "Dr Keogh has a secret daughter?"

It was in that moment of total aberration on the part of the two gossiping medics that they failed to see Dr Zoe Hanna appear from the direction of cubicles and stare at them completely aghast at learning of the possible existence of her potential future step-daughter.

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><p><strong>Thank you very much for reading and you already know how much I love reviews :)<strong>

**The next part is likely to be up on Tuesday, Zoe is going to meet Sam for the very first time. **


	5. Chapter 4

**So a little earlier than scheduled, here is your next update. Thank you very much to everyone who has read and reviewed yesterdays installment, your comments always make me happy!**

**I hope you enjoy todays chapter. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 4**

Thursday 1st March 2012

Zoe walked out into the burgeoning darkness of the car park and held her head in her hands, before running her fingers back through her hair in frustration. She pulled a cigarette and her lighter from her pocket and lit it without hesitation, inhaling the familiar contents as deeply as she could manage. It was only her second smoking break of the day and she knew she had been making extremely good progress in reducing her nicotine intake in recent weeks, mainly due to Dylan's abject refusal to allow her to smoke on his boat or around Dervla. He had never told her to give up altogether, nor would she have listened if he had, but she was well aware that he wasn't comfortable with her smoking or drinking habits and yet despite that had relented enough to allow her the odd glass of wine or two as the cosied up on the boat of an evening.

Her gentle reduction in cigarettes had seemed like a fair compromise in response, but that was before this particular day and the eternity of the shift she currently found herself on. At Nick's insistence she had thrown herself into treating minor injuries in cubicles and monitoring Dylan's remaining patients in CDU with Scarlett almost surgically attached to her side. She was unsure whether it was Nick or Charlie who had decided she would be unable to cope without the aid of her own personal nurse to fetch and carry for her, but whilst she had been grateful for the young woman's reassuring support her boundless enthusiasm had become wearing after an hour or so. She had finally managed to shake free of the nurse, leaving her busy taking bloods from a very petulant small child, and had been heading in the general direction of resus to get an update on Dylan's condition when she had come across Linda and Lenny huddled together in the corridor, deep in an intense conversation.

To say she had been shocked by the possible existence of Dylan's daughter would be an understatement, but that new confusion added to the stress that had been knotting in her stomach ever since the man himself had been brought crashing into the hospital on a trolley had caused her mind to swirl. She had felt an overwhelming urge to exit the department and gather her thoughts in private, so had stormed past the two awkward looking gossiping colleagues knowing full well they would be unable to follow her given how manically busy the E.D. still was at that time. It was fast becoming apparent that despite her romantic entanglement with Dr Keogh she actually knew very little about him or his past, a fact that was now troubling her deeply. Zoe was already filled with a sense of dread at the state Dylan's injuries could leave him in and the impact that this might have on their relationship, but she was now faced with the added humiliation of the entire team being made well aware that he had failed to mention whoever this girl was to her, especially if it did transpire she actually was his daughter. She was pretty sure that meeting your future step-daughter was meant to be a positive experience, not one that was undertaken at your partner's bedside as he lay critically injured. Although she smiled as she thought to herself, that very partner had already informed her that he was not the marrying type and therefore she would not be becoming anyone's stepmother anytime soon.

Zoe finished the last drag of her cigarette and stubbed it out on the ground, before reaching into her pocket instinctively to take out a second. However the moment her fingers wrapped around the small white stick she thought better of it. Working in such a busy E.D. she had grown used to having very few extremely short breaks, so had learnt to maximise her nicotine intake by almost chain smoking on these rare moments outside of the department. However despite the pressure of the day, she knew it was far more important to get back inside and introduce herself to Dylan's next of kin and resolve the current tension in her mind that was fast giving her a piercing headache.

She walked towards the entrance of her workplace, but before she could make her way inside she collided with a young woman hastily making her way through the same doorway. For a brief moment the two of them locked eyes and whilst Zoe had anticipated she might receive an apology for the rough way the stranger had walked straight into her, instead the girl looked her up and down quite rudely before turning on heel and continuing into the building.

Zoe felt the annoyance rise inside her but bit her tongue knowing that she had more important issues to deal with at that moment, so continued on her own course towards Dylan's isolated room next to resus. She noticed that the impolite woman appeared to be heading in a similar direction and as they walked almost in step she eyed her suspiciously, not quite willing to believe that this girl was the person she was so concerned about meeting, especially as she had never anticipated before that moment that she would be old enough herself to play step-mother to such a grown up woman. However she noted that those suspicions were well placed when the woman sped up slightly on almost reaching the doorway to Dylan's room and ensured she arrived first, turning round to meet Zoe's gaze with a scowl before she entered and allowed the door to drop closed behind her.

On following the girl into the room, the two of them eyed each other distrustfully over Dylan's bedside. Zoe picked up his patient chart and deliberately busied herself with checking her partner over, to ensure she legitimised the motivation for her presence despite not being sure why she felt the need to justify her reasons in front of this stranger. She moved to stand by Linda who had been surveying the two of them attentively from the corner of the room, a bemused expression fixed to her face as she watched them silently wrestle for control of the room and to be by Dr Keogh's side.

"Her name is Sam," Linda whispered in Dr Hanna's ear as they both focused on the younger woman. "Sam Nicholls I believe she said," she added, before continuing, "Although Noel has her name down as Samantha Keogh."

Zoe looked round at the nurse, considering that statement for a moment before responding. "So you're suggesting what exactly?"

"Well, given the two names and her age, I'd day she was his married kid sister or his daughter, but she uses her mum's name perhaps," Linda put forward, having given the topic much thought since initially meeting Sam just a short time previously. She removed the file from Zoe's hands and turned her back on the room to lean against the countertop as she added some notes to Dylan's chart. "Whoever she is though, they seem quite alike. She doesn't talk much for one thing, plus definitely a bit of a grumpy attitude there," she added, smiling to herself at her comment on Zoe's partner.

Dr Hanna reflected on the two options put forward and Linda's remark as she watched Sam across the room. She was definitely surprised by quite how protective the girl seemed over Dylan and regardless of her connection to him, be it as his little sister or more shockingly his daughter, it was clear she was also very possessive over the unconscious man. Sam's fingers kept flickering, as if instinctively, in the direction of Dylan's hand and Zoe could see that she was barely keeping control of her emotions, yet every time their eyes met Sam's spoke nothing but sheer hostility towards her.

Nick pushed open the doors and caught the attention of all in the room, meeting each of their gazes with a reassuring smile. He was acutely aware from the tension he could almost cut with a knife that the two women in Dylan's life had not known each other prior to today and whilst he knew Zoe cared about Dr Keogh deeply, it was clear young Samantha was the person closest to him in that moment.

"I've just come to check on Dylan's injuries," Nick started, moving across the room towards the bed. "Linda, chart please," he added, directing his comment in the nurse's direction and holding out his hand until it was provided to him.

The door swung open again and Big Mac appeared, nervously shifting his gaze from Dr Hanna to the young woman he had yet to meet but had been reliably informed by Noel was the feisty female he had heard in the earlier phone call to the patient's next of kin.

"Ah," he started, unsure which of the strong women to direct his statement to. "I've found something I think belongs to Dr Keogh outside. I think you might want to come and have a look." Zoe and Sam both looked at him with a complete sense of bewilderment, but on seeing the other being interest both moved to follow him from the room, with Linda close at their heels determined not to miss out on seeing the two of them interact away from the confines of the treatment room.

The four of them reached the semi-darkness of the car park and Big Mac led them around the corner to where they identified a small huddled creature curled up by Dylan's car. Dervla, on recognising the youngest woman, bounded over in their direction and Sam dropped to her knees in surprise on seeing the familiar mutt, drawing her into a doggy cuddle and greeting her akin to how she expected other people may welcome a small child.

"Hello you," Sam spoke fondly to the dog, ruffling her coat and allowing the canine to lick at her face and clothes. "What is she doing here?" she questioned, looking up at the man who had reintroduced her to Dervla.

"Dr Keogh was walking her when he got hit by the car," Big Mac offered as way of an explanation, before trying to reassure her on seeing the alarm cross her face. "She seems fine though, I found her here looking a bit sad and sorry for herself the poor thing. I guess she came back here to find her master."

"No one even told me she was missing," Sam remarked accusingly before glancing back at the dogs sad wide eyes once more and taking in how thin the creature was. "You don't look very well do you darling?" she asked her, worry evident in her voice.

"Dervla's not been very well recently," Zoe intervened, feeling a need to demonstrate an ownership of the situation and connection to Dylan, whilst drawing Sam's attention back in their direction. "She's been at the vets most of the last week and we've been keeping a close eye on her the last few days. She seems to be on the mend now though."

Sam nodded slowly, taking in both the doctors use of the word "we" and also that her beloved dog had been in a bad way recently, wondering why Dylan had failed to notify her of that key fact. She could only assume that the illness had not been serious or else he would surely have contacted her, or at least she hoped that was the case anyway.

"I'm happy to look after her," Big Mac said, breaking the momentary silence and looking from Zoe to Sam for an answer. "I mean, I assume neither of you will be going anywhere for a while, not whilst he is still in there," he added, gesturing back into the department. "I can keep an eye on her here until one of you can take her home."

Zoe stepped back instantaneously, physically distancing herself from the decision but Sam picked up on the fact the question had clearly been asked of them both. She looked back towards Dervla, who had rested her head back on the ground and was evidently tired out from the events of the day.

"Thank you, that would be great," she responded, before continuing pointedly. "I know he never lets anyone except me look after her but I think we'll make an exception in this case." Sam buried her head in Dervla's coat and whispered to her, "Grumpy is going to be okay you daft thing; I just need you to behave yourself for this man for a little while until we can get you home okay?" She moved backwards slightly, making eye contact with the dog as if waiting for an answer, before standing up and handing the lead over.

Nick exited the department and spotted one of his consultants, a nurse and a porter conversing with Sam over Dr Keogh's sick dog just yards away. Even from that distance it was apparent how awkward the entire situation was and as he strode over he identified that he would not want to be in Dylan's shoes when he awoke given the explaining he was going to have to do to these two particularly feisty females.

"Are any of you going to do some more work today?" he shouted over, getting the attention of the group and causing most of them, notably including Sam, to wonder back in his direction, leaving just Big Mac and the dog by the car. Sam turned her head slightly and waved goodbye to Dervla as she returned towards the E.D. before returning her gaze towards the Clinical Lead with a half-smile.

Lenny appeared behind Nick without warning, making him jump slightly as he quietly spoke, "Noel says there is a very important phone call for you in resus."

Nick looked at him inquisitively, before speaking to Zoe and Linda, "Back to work please." He nodded in Sam's direction, before heading into the department leaving Dr Lyons with the three women outside the entrance.

"Lenny, this is Sam," Linda said, emphasising her name and raising her eyebrows at him to demonstrate the strangeness of this situation and highlight the woman's importance within it.

"Samantha Keogh," Sam spoke, surprising even herself at the forceful way in which she spoke the now unfamiliar name and offering the newly introduced doctor her hand to shake. She deliberately did not elaborate further, not wanting to engage in any discussions over her connection with Dylan in the presence of the older female doctor if she could avoid it. "I'm going to go back and sit with him," she added, before making to re-enter the hospital building.

"I'm going to grab some coffee in a minute," Linda stated kindly. "Can I get you one?"

"Yes please," Sam replied, grateful to be offered a drink. "No milk, no sugar. Thanks," she added before leaving the other three standing outside.

"Plain and simple, just how Dylan drinks it," Zoe commented, before realising on seeing Linda and Lenny's bemused expressions that she had made that observation aloud. "I'm going back in too," she continued, "I'll see you back inside."

The remaining nurse and doctor were left standing in the entrance way to the department as they watched Dr Hanna hastily follow her younger counterpart back inside, making it clear she did not want to leave the girl alone with Dr Keogh for any length of time.

"So sister or daughter then?" Lenny asked, grinning at the bizarre hilarity that was being caused by their colleague's secretive personal life starting to come out into the open in front of their eyes.

"I really don't know," Linda responded, her face lit up almost as brightly as Dr Lyons' own with the excitement of the speculation she knew would be rife through the staffroom by the end of the shift. "She doesn't look like Dylan, but there is something about her that is just so like him. She barely said a word to any of us, but she talked to that dog like it was an old friend. Zoe said he does that all the time," she added, remembering the long chats her and Dr Hanna had been having in the past months over the woman's new relationship with their grouchy and uncommunicative colleague.

"If anyone can find out what is going on, you can," Lenny cheekily commented, before bringing Linda into his arms for the briefest of sneaky kisses, quickly checking around them that no one had seen his actions. "We'd better be getting back before Jordan has our guts," he added, bundling the nurse through the doorway and back into their workplace.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and if you liked it (or even if you didn't!), please review :)<strong>

**I am hoping to get the next part up tomorrow. Callie x**


	6. Chapter 5

**Thank you to everyone for your reviews of the last update. I'm glad that people have been getting behind this fic, it means so much. Extra special thanks to Meggi, Anny and Ficmouse for sharing the last few weeks for me and being so supportive.**

**Here we go, chapter 5. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 5**

Thursday 1st March 2012

Zoe and Sam stood silently across the small room staring over Dylan's silent form at each other, both with arms folded tightly across their chests and blank expressions on their faces. Despite their limited contact thus far, both women felt this instinctive need to be cagey and uncommunicative with the other and protective over their own individual connection with the still unconscious patient, despite an obvious shared affection for the grumpy man.

A loud rapping noise caught both their attentions, but on seeing that it was Nick Jordan banging on the window from behind them, Sam turned away, assuming it would not be her that she required and shifted her gaze back to Dylan. Zoe reluctantly went to leave the room to join her former partner, but on seeing her move Nick furiously shook his head and gestured towards the younger girl.

"I think he wants to see you," Zoe stated, indicating towards the Clinical Lead and causing Sam to turn back around to face him. He gestured at her to come to join him in the other room and after looking briefly from Dylan to the female who was staring at her, uncertainty at Nick's request etched across her face, Sam hastily exited the room and headed into the main resus.

"I have a call for you," Nick's voice boomed from where he had moved the other side of the room. "Your boss I believe," he added as she reached his side and took the phone he passed her.

"Major Sam Nicholls speaking sir," she spoke into the phone, turning away from the watching consultants stare. "Yes sir," she responded to a question obviously just posed to her, before querying, "Corporal Henderson passed on my message I assume?" There was a short pause as she listened fixedly to the strong words from her senior officer. "I can provide you with an update on his condition if that would be preferable sir?" she asked and upon apparently hearing an affirmative reply, spun around so that she was facing the direction of Dylan's room. She felt happier knowing that she could see where he was, plus any comings and goings from his bedside, and as she thought carefully about her words she twirled the phone cable between her fingers to provide her with a distraction.

"He has been fully assessed and has no known CT or neurological complications," she began, quickly getting back into the methodology required to provide a comprehensive summary of Dylan's condition as if he was just another patient. "He has had GS and ortho consults and they have identified possible spinal damage to the L1 to L5 vertebrae, but so far there is no indication this is anything more than localised swelling. There is free fluid in the lower abdomen, with a possible ruptured spleen and kidney or bladder complications. Furthermore he has multiple displaced fractures of the right tibia and fibular, with additional significant distension of the right ankle. He is currently awaiting admission to a surgical ward and a theatre slot to both manage any internal bleed and reset the broken leg bones."

She stopped speaking almost as hastily as she had commenced, as if listing the number of injuries had brought home to her the potential severity of the situation Dylan had found himself in. Sam's eyes met Nick's briefly and she recognised the look of surprise and amusement at her fully inclusive description of Dr Keogh's current status. She was brought back from her momentary lapse of concentration on the phone by the male voice barking in her ear.

"Sir, assuming that there are no complications in theatre and he regains consciousness on schedule then I see no reason I cannot re-join the unit on Friday and therefore there is no need for any further disruption to the schedule," she advised, pausing again to hear his sharp response. "Yes sir, I will call directly at 12:00 hours tomorrow with a further update on the circumstances," she continued, adding one further remark before hanging up the phone. "Thank you sir."

Sam replaced the handset into its casing and allowed herself a sharp intake of breath at finally having one less task to worry about. She immediately steadied herself and strode back across resus, determined to return to Dylan's bedside and that woman as quickly as she was able.

"You're in the army?" Nick questioned, following her from the room and prompting Sam to hesitate slightly.

"My boss sometimes requires more proof than other people's as to where I am," she retorted, flashing him a sly smile. "Look, I need to get back to him," she added, pointing in the direction of the smaller treatment space and leading the way back to Dr Keogh's side. Nick couldn't help but notice that since her arrival in the department the young woman had failed to use either Dylan's name or refer to him by his relationship to her, and he wondered if that was a deliberate act to prevent whatever connection they actually had from becoming public.

The two of them re-joined Dr Hanna in the private room and as Nick's curiosity was now piqued, he felt the need to continue their conversation.

"So how long have you been in the army then?" he asked, noting immediately that Zoe's expression changed to one of disbelief upon hearing that intriguing piece of news.

"A few years," Sam responded simply. "I'm a medic, been out on a few tours with a unit. It's one of the reasons I've not been around much since he arrived in Holby," she furthered her original statement, looking at the unmoving patient on the trolley.

"Where are you based when you're in England?" Nick questioned, knowing full well that the girl would surely have had leave from her army duties in the last year and wondering why she would not have made herself known in Holby at any time since Dr Keogh's own arrival in the department.

"St George's in Tooting was my latest post," she answered. "They have an excellent trauma centre there," she added almost as a secondary thought to make known her specialist abilities in a particular area of emergency medicine. "I've done a lot of short term placements around the country though. When I'm not needed by the army they send me on secondments all over the place."

Silence descended on the room as the two other doctors took on board Sam's comments and what that may have meant for her relationship with Dylan and the frequency of contact this may have allowed her to have with him.

"Sounds like you've been busy then," Nick responded with a smile, reasonably impressed with this particular doctor and her level of experience. "You got here hellishly quickly from London though?" he probed, realising that something about her situation made little sense at that moment.

"I was actually due at pre-deployment exercises in Somerset today, hence my call to my commanding officer earlier and them checking out my story with you," she said, referencing the contact from the senior ranking army commander. "I've been in the Brecon Beacons on endurance training with some of my unit. In fact we were just about to jump on a train at Cardiff heading for Salisbury when Noel called me," she explained. "It's quite lucky you called when you did to be honest, because if I had made it to the exercise I wouldn't have had access to my phone for a few days and I doubt he left any other number for me."

"Pre-deployment exercise?" Nick questioned. "You going somewhere?"

Sam nodded, before replying, "Yeah, Camp Bastian. Nine months of hell in Afghanistan. I'm due to leave next week."

"Bit different to the NHS," Nick said, as both he and Zoe struggled to keep the shocked look from their faces at the thought of this young looking girl being posted out to treat wounded soldiers in a warzone.

"Very different to a sleepy West Country E.D." Sam countered, smirking at her fellow doctors as she knew her comment would get a defensive rise out of them.

"We have our moments Sam," Nick retorted, allowing himself to smile at the cocky attitude that vaguely reminded him of his own young arrogance from years before.

"It's so strange," Sam spoke again, a more serious tone to her voice and returning her gaze yet again to the sleeping man. "He taught me everything I know about medicine, but we turned out to be very different doctors. He likes nothing more than complex cases that require feats of deduction I don't even pretend to understand, whereas I am more of an action, major incident kind of girl. It's why the army suits me, I like the danger."

Before either Zoe or Nick could reply to that statement or acknowledge the wistful look that had crossed Sam's face, Linda came through the door with a mug of coffee in one hand and balancing a chair in the other. She passed the cup to Sam, who accepted it gratefully and immediately took a sip of the steaming liquid. The nurse then placed the chair carefully next to Dylan's bedside and tipped her head in Sam's direction, indicating it was hers if she required it as she felt the woman may be present in the department for quite some time to come.

"Sam was just telling us she was in the army," Zoe spoke suddenly from across the room, moving to position herself immediately to the other side of Dylan's bed from where the girl herself stood and finally re-entering the conversation. "She's a medic."

"Really?" Linda quizzed, eyebrows raised questioningly. "Dr Keogh must worry about you when you go off to war," she added.

Sam allowed herself to laugh out loud at that statement, shocking the others with her reaction. "God no," she replied. "When he wakes up he'll want me out of the country just as much as I want to be gone," she clarified.

"I guess that's what big brothers are like though," Linda replied and a look of confusion quickly spread across Sam's face. "He is your brother right?" the blonde nurse asked.

"No," Zoe butted in, responding before the woman herself was able to. "She's not his sister; she's his daughter, aren't you?"

All three E.D. staff immediately felt the wave of sarcasm that Sam's eye rolling emitted on hearing that particular suggestion.

"Grumpy, you must really have aged in my absence," she said, barely attempting to conceal the scornful tone in her voice as she directed her words in Dylan's direction. "Because I'm not getting any younger and she," Sam said, gesticulating at Zoe, "she thinks you're old enough to be my dad."

"I'm not his sister," she retorted pointedly at Linda. "And I'm certainly not his daughter," she added, locking eyes on the other female doctor with venom dripping from her voice.

"Then who?" Zoe began to question, but was immediately cut off by the younger medic butting in.

"I'm his wife," she stated slowly, as if talking to someone unable to understand her words. "I'm Dylan's wife," she added, pausing. "So who exactly does that make you?"

The atmosphere in the room noticeably dropped a number of degrees at the coldness of her words with none of the others having a comeback for that unexpected declaration.

"Thank you for the coffee Linda," Sam spoke, before continuing, "But if you don't mind, I'd quite like some time alone with my husband," She sat down on the provided chair and took a further sip of her coffee, focusing intently on her husband before adding dismissively, "Thank you."

Sam did not need to look away from Dylan to know it was the female doctor who stormed out of the room first, with the nurse following closely behind her. She could only hope that when he awoke her husband would not be too angry with her for managing to turn his entire world upside down whilst he was completely incapable of preventing her from doing so.

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><p><strong>Catty Sam? Oops, but what would you say in her shoes? <strong>

**Thank you so much for reading and reviews are much welcomed, because they always make me smile :)**

**I think the next update will be up tomorrow or Thursday, so look out for that. Callie x**

**PS - To anyone who is asking about To Look Out For You, I promise the wait is nearly over and it will be updated shortly. **


	7. Chapter 6

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I am so grateful for all the support with this fic - it is making me a very happy girl :)**

**Anyway, we now move on to the next day... here is chapter 6.**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 6**

Friday 2nd March 2012

Zoe leant her head against the glass window of the private side room that hospital management had finally located for Dylan late the previous evening and watched the two sleeping occupants with a heavy heart. The injured man had barely regained consciousness before his condition had deteriorated somewhat and the GS team had rushed him into theatre in the early hours of the morning, something she herself had been made aware of when Nick had roused her from the disturbed sleep she had fallen into on the sofa of the office she occasionally shared with him. Dr Hanna was quite sure that they had both only made it through the majority of today's shift thus far on a mixture of auto-pilot and coffee given how sleep deprived both her and her Clinical Lead actually were.

She had felt unable to go back to her flat last night as if nothing had occurred and Dylan wasn't lying unconscious on a hospital bed, mainly because in the past two months it had been rare for them to spend more than a few hours apart due to their shared working pattern and her semi-permanent residence aboard his houseboat. However as much as she had wanted to be the one by his side, that position had been taken by another and whilst the young woman who had identified herself as Dylan's wife had not expressly forbidden her from being present in his room, as yet Zoe felt unable to cross that particular threshold and potentially face Sam's wrath all over again.

She jumped slightly as she felt a hand rest gently on her lower back and stepped back to see that Nick had joined her on the corridor looking every bit as weary and drained as she herself felt.

"I thought I might find you here," he stated quietly, before drawing his friend into a comforting hug. He held her tightly in his arms, wondering how it had come to be that for the second time in as many days this felt like the right course of action when in recent months the two of them had drifted apart. Nick found his view shifting to the window to where Sam was curled up on a chair by Dr Keogh's bedside, having finally succumbed to the exhaustion evident in her eyes early that morning when she had staggered down to the E.D. to advise him her husband was being taken into emergency surgery. He had wished in that moment that he knew her well enough to offer her the same soothing reassurance he was now providing to Zoe, but Sam appeared to be completely alone in the world and after the outburst she had directed towards her rival for Dylan's heart she had totally shut down emotionally in front of his eyes, seemingly unable to cope with the enormity of the situation they all found themselves in.

"He lied to me," Zoe spoke suddenly, shaking herself free of the comforting grasp and turning her attention back to the window. Nick found himself unable to offer any suitable response to that statement, well aware that the only person who could provide answers to the mess that had been created had yet to awake and was oblivious to the devastation that had been caused to both Dr Hanna and Dr Nicholls in his absence.

"It's as if everything I thought I knew suddenly isn't true anymore," Zoe continued, not waiting for Nick to offer any further comment on proceedings. "Twenty-four hours ago I would have told you Dylan and I were beginning to get serious. I mean we've practically been living together, I thought I knew everything I needed to know about him," she continued irately, before pausing and taking a deep breath to control her emotions. "Now I don't feel like I know him at all. She's turned up like she's supposed to have been there all along and suddenly she's in charge of anything to do with his care like I don't even exist. They have this whole history I knew nothing about and she obviously still loves him. She's even in charge of that damned dog for God's sake," she added, anger evident in her tone. "Why did he lie to me? How could he not tell me he was married Nick? Of all the things not to tell me, why did he choose to leave that out?"

She rubbed her eyes and held her head in her hands, knowing that it wasn't her current companion's fault she was in this position.

"I just wish I knew where I stood," she added sadly. "It's all just such a mess."

Nick instinctively put his arm back around her shoulders and allowed her to lean against him. He doubted that this situation would be resolved any time soon given that it appeared Dylan was going to require further surgery and therefore Sam's presence was likely to continue for a while yet to come. However he was also very much aware that the man's physical recovery was only one part of the issue that faced Zoe at that moment, with the entire department abuzz with news that the mystery daughter had turned out to be anything but.

He was sure that it had taken Linda no more than fifteen minutes to spread the startling news across the length and breadth of the E.D. but in truth he had been surprised it had taken her that long if the haste of her departure from Dylan's room had been any indication of the level of her excitement. Already that shift he had had to separate Dr Lyons and Nurse Andrews on a number of occasions when he had found them gossiping in corners about Dr Keogh's secret wife rather than being vaguely productive with their working time, but despite having to act as the tough task master he could understand exactly why everyone was so interested in this turn of events.

Even in that fearful moment earlier in the day when he had seen Samantha appear so incredibly vulnerable at the thought of her husband requiring admission to theatre she had been reluctant to engage in conversation with him about the finer details of her relationship with Dylan. In fact he had only elicited from her that the two of them had married some years before and that she was currently twenty-six years old, making her twelve years younger than her spouse and providing them a significant enough age gap to raise eyebrows even if the concealment of her existence hadn't already done that. Nick had established from his brief conversations with the woman that she was no keener on talking than her husband and the only question she had so far asked him, about the status of Dr Keogh's relationship with Dr Hanna, had been rhetoric given that he knew she had already appreciated from Zoe's presence and demeanour that the two medics were more than just close friends. He had noted a definite sadness in her character when he had failed to deny that this was the case, but it was the crushed acceptance in her response that she and Dylan had been separated for some time that had caused his own heart to break, something he had found unusual as he barely knew the girl himself.

Sam suddenly stirred from her sleep in the chair, snapping into an upright position and visibly wincing at the pain that shot through her body at the unexpected movement of much stiffened muscles. Almost instantly upon her eyes opening she locked her gaze onto Dylan's still sleeping form, as if to check that he was still both present and unchanged in condition, before turning her attention to the two consultants staring at them through the window to his room, managing despite the weirdness of the situation to remain wholly expressionless under their intense scrutiny.

Forcing herself out of the chair Sam smoothed down her clothes, stretching out her arms and legs as she did so and then moved over towards the doorway of the room. She quietly opened the door and joined them in the corridor, before running her hand through the tousled mane of hair that had long since been allowed to flow freely rather than be restrained by a tie.

In the awkward silence that followed it was clear to Nick that his two female companions were each taking in the other and inwardly comparing themselves to their supposed rival for Dylan's affections. The similarities between them were unmistakeable, as they both wore their confusion, worry and oddly enough guilt at the current set of circumstances like a mask across their faces. However it was also evident to him at how very different the pair were, with their age, physical appearance and dress both striking them out as poles apart from the other. Despite her tiredness, Zoe looked every inch the competent medic and she maintained a degree of professional composure that belied how Nick knew she was feeling within herself, something he recognised anyone who knew her less intimately than he did would be unable to see. He couldn't help but notice that in her outwardly detached state Sam appeared even younger than her years that day, with her crumpled jogging bottoms, strappy t-shirt and messy hair making her look considerably less mature than her counterpart.

"He has been drifting in and out of consciousness all afternoon," Sam spoke, her voice confident despite the uncertainty both of the others present could see in her eyes. "They reckon he'll wake up properly soon," she added, before looking away and staring back into the room that had become her place of residence over the last day. "I've been monitoring is obs since he came back from surgery and there is clear improvement in his stats. I talked to his consultant earlier and there are indicative signs he will quickly make a substantial, if not full, recovery."

"That's great news Sam," Nick responded, trying to keep his tone reassuring for the benefit of all concerned. He knew that both females were qualified doctors and therefore were quite capable of understanding the situation without support from him, but it felt more appropriate to treat them as friends and relatives of a patient rather than expect them to rely on their own medical knowledge given the highly emotive state they mutually found themselves in.

"Has your shift finished?" Sam asked, turning her attention towards Zoe but not anticipating receiving an answer from her directly.

"In an hour or so," Nick replied, realising with little surprise that Dr Hanna would be unlikely to do as she had yet to verbally acknowledge the younger woman's presence with them in the corridor.

"Well when you've finished would you like to come and sit with him for a while?" she asked again, her eyes having remained firmly on Zoe despite it being the male of the trio that actually was providing her with answers. "I think he'd like you to be here when he wakes up. It would be good for him to see a friendly face."

There was something about the way that point had been put across to her by her lover's wife, who was standing nervously chewing her lower lip and twirling a strand of her loosened hair around her fingers, that made Zoe finally recognise that the girl was not only talking specifically to her but was also offering her the opportunity to spend some time with the man she had not yet forgiven but nonetheless couldn't get out of her head.

"I'd like that," she responded simply. "Thank you. I'll come back when my shift is over," she added, realising that it must have been quite a difficult suggestion for Sam to make as the words alone implied that Dylan would be choosing to see Zoe herself rather than his own wife when he finally roused from his slumber.

The two women nodded at each other in a simple gesture of understanding, despite the limited number of words that either had actually spoken aloud.

"We should be getting back to the E.D." Nick chimed in, aware that the conversation had reached an impasse and feeling it would be important for the two to part on these better terms where they appeared to have shown the merest of grudging recognition of the other's existence in Dylan's life.

Dr Hanna went to walk past Sam and head back towards the department, finally dropping her gaze from the woman's eyes. However as she passed Sam reached out momentarily and rested her fingers on Zoe's lower arm, squeezing slightly in a clumsy attempt to extend the hand of friendship.

"About what's happened," she said, her voice hushed and fleetingly turning her head to meet Zoe's intrigued look with an embarrassed half-smile, before continuing thoughtfully, "I'm sorry." The word of apology hung in the air between them with neither quite being sure whether the admission was meant in relation to Sam's harsh words the previous night, her own connection with Dylan, the impingement this might have on Zoe's future relationship with the man or Sam's very existence in the first place. Nevertheless the emotional weight and defeated tone behind it made it quite apparent to both Dr Hanna and Nick Jordan that it could have covered all of those particular options and even more besides.

Zoe returned Sam's half-smile before continuing her journey down the corridor, desperate not to allow the younger woman to see the demonstrative impact that one statement and her earlier gesture of acceptance had had on her, in that it had shown they were not enemies and in fact both wanted the very same outcome, which was for the man they loved to be fully recovered.

"Thank you," Nick whispered to Sam, as he watched Zoe depart realising from her posture that she was struggling to hold herself together. "I think she needed to hear that," he added, before briefly resting his hand on the younger doctor's shoulder.

Sam just shrugged in response, refusing to meet his gaze in fear of letting him see how horrendously difficult she had found it to reach out to Dylan's new love and finally acknowledge after fourteen months apart from him that their marriage was truly over, as well as recognising he had heeded her advice to move on with someone new. She re-entered her husband's hospital room and checked the readings on the equipment by his bedside, satisfying herself that there had been no deterioration in his condition in her short period of respite from the monotonous bleeping sound of the medical machinery, a noise she was well used to given her profession but that had taken on an increased significance in the past twenty four hours given her love for the man in the bed it was closely monitoring.

Nick watched the girl from the window as she made all the necessary observations any medical practitioner would on reassessing a patient and wondered whether trying to treat the man as a case rather than her husband was Sam's way of coping with the unfortunate set of circumstances, as it had become obvious to him that she was just as uncomfortable with feelings as Dr Keogh was. She collapsed heavily onto the seat she had awoken in only minutes before, but immediately turned her head away from him and Nick could tell from her shaking shoulders that she was determined not to let him see that she was crying. He momentarily touched the glass that separated him from offering her comfort, before deciding it best that he leave her alone, knowing she would not thank him for intervening when she was feeling so vulnerable.

Sam felt Mr Jordan's gaze upon her for a while as she deliberately busied herself staring at the items on the cabinet next to Dylan's bedside. She took deep breaths to try and control herself, not wanting the senior consultant to see her tears. However as the feeling she was being watched lessened and she turned to confirm he had departed, she allowed the emotion she had been repressing ever since she had received that call the previous day to finally overtake her and she descended into a weeping mess of streaming eyes and wracking sobs.

A flicker of a movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention a couple of minutes later and Sam frantically wiped her face with the arm of her hooded jumper from the back of the seat to destroy any evidence of tears. She took hold of Dylan's moving hand with her own and held it tightly, hoping that being aware of his having company may be enough to bring him back from his unconscious state.

Dylan's eyes flickered before sharply closing again at the harsh brightness of the light immediately above him. He blinked anxiously a couple of times until the contrast of the room became more bearable and then finally prised open his eyes, unable to do any more than stare straight at the ceiling above him.

"Samantha?" he mouthed silently. "Sam?"

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><p><strong>Dylan's awake! Hope you enjoyed this update, reviews as always are welcome especially as they make me smile muchly!<strong>

**The next update should be with you on Friday I suspect, mainly because I need to work on my update for To Look Out For You First!**

**Thank you for reading. Callie x**


	8. Chapter 7

**As ever thank you to my lovely reviewers from the last part, I am so glad you seem to be enjoying this. Sorry for the slightly delayed update, but I had a manic weekend in Cardiff (visiting the Casualty set!) and therefore got a bit behind with my writing. Hope this update makes up for that though.**

**So here we go, chapter 7 and Dylan is awake!**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 7**

Friday 2nd March 2012

"You never could keep your mouth shut could you Samantha?" Dylan's gruff voice boomed across the room as she re-entered, finally given permission to return by the departing GS team who had been checking her husband over since he had awoken fifteen minutes before. "I am assuming you have managed to inform the entirety of the hospital that you are still my wife whilst I was otherwise engaged?" he queried.

"Technically your wife," Sam whispered sadly, allowing herself to remember the day back in January 2011 when her husband's dismissive term for her status in his life had wounded her so badly and made her decision to leave just that little bit easier to bear. Regardless of his words however, she couldn't help but be relieved to once again hear the familiar stern tone of his voice towards her, given how he had initially reacted to his increasing level of consciousness and her presence by his side.

As soon as she had realised he was awake she had tried to establish whether he was actually mentally present as well as physically healing, but with the exception of a few words he had initially mouthed and she had been unable to see clearly enough to understand, he had stubbornly refused to communicate with her any further and she had been forced to leave him to retrieve one of the nursing team.

The confusion and alarm that had been evident across her husband's expression had convinced her that his mental faculties were intact enough that he recognised her instantly, but his response to seeing her again had saddened her greatly. Sam had not expected him to be hanging out the flags and dancing a jig upon seeing her again, not that in his current state he would even have been able to achieve such a feat regardless, but she had been disturbed that he had in fact turned his head away from her and had rebuffed the efforts she had made to lighten the mood of the situation.

"You know if you are going to stand there mumbling away to yourself, you could at least do me the courtesy of letting me see you," Dylan continued irritably, retrieving Sam from her thoughts and causing her to consider quite how much of her thinking had been done aloud, albeit luckily too quietly for her husband to hear. "They've got me pinned down to this bed for completely incomprehensible reasons and given that I haven't seen you in over a year I'm not going to talk to you if you choose to stand over there out of my line of view burbling away incoherently."

Sam found herself smiling in spite of the annoyed tone in which she had just been addressed, because as usual Dr Keogh had a very contemptuous attitude towards medical treatment provided another professional and somehow he had managed to make the blame for his current predicament tie neatly in with their own lack of connection over the last fourteen months. In truth she had actually allowed it to slip her mind that underneath his thin hospital blanket he had been secured to the bed across his chest and upper legs in an attempt to minimise risk of further damage to his abdomen, pelvis and lower spinal area, but now that she had been made aware of it once again she realised that it would only be fair to stand in his eye line, either that or risk the possibility he would injure himself further in trying to move to see her or, more likely she assumed, that she would face an even grumpier tirade than she remembered being used to back when they were together.

"I'm right here," she answered, deliberately keeping her tone steady and suddenly finding herself grateful for the fifteen minute interlude at the hands of the doctors for allowing the tears she had been crying immediately prior to her husband's awakening to dry. She stood by his bedside, taking hold of his left hand in her own and leaning forwards slightly so that she could be sure she was in his view. She avoided her husband's gaze by studiously checking over his stats on the various pieces of machinery and kit that were monitoring his condition, noting the exact levels and percentages of each to ensure she would be able to tell immediately if there was any negative change. However on feeling his stare still upon her, she eventually relented and looked down at him making eye contact for the first time since she had departed the room after his outright dismissal of her just a quarter of an hour or so earlier.

"You look a mess," Dylan retorted. "Anyone would think you've had a bad day," he added, allowing his frighteningly familiar dopey half-smile to fill his face as he twisted her grasp on his hand so that he was able to squeeze hers instead.

"I've had better I have to say," Sam responded sarcastically and rolled her eyes at him in despair. "Did the docs tell you what happened?" she questioned, unsure of exactly how much he was aware of the circumstances of his accident or his current state of health.

"Bits and pieces," he replied, sounding somewhat uncertain. "I've already disagreed with their course of treatment in relation to the injuries to my lower abdomen, but I've sought their assurance that they will rectify these in surgery tomorrow," he continued, trying to sound more like his assertive and uncompromising self. He had observed the haste in which his fellow doctors had assessed his condition since they had been called into the room by Samantha and he knew his conduct towards them had only just been shy of disparaging. However given his current status as a prisoner in their surgical bed he felt justified in ensuring he made them aware that his infamous intolerant demeanour was far from being just another one of the rumours than regularly circled Holby City Hospital. He was unsure quite why that felt so important to him, but decided to work on the assumption that if he was going to be the centre of attention and gossip he would rather it be for his own actions that the fact that his previously unmentioned wife was suddenly present at his side.

"You always did make a rubbish patient," Sam joked, before becoming more serious for a moment. "You didn't half give me a scare Dylan; I didn't know what to think. That phone call was so out of the blue and I had no idea what I was walking into." She paused and he looked up at her, trying to establish from her tone what she meant by that statement. "I never meant to tell them I was your wife you know," she added simply.

"What the words just fell from your tongue? You had nothing to do with them at all then?" Dylan responded, noting the derisive tone evident in his own voice and the angered look that his wife gave him in return.

"Look, it's hardly my fault," Sam started, trying but failing to keep the annoyance from her words, "that you put me down as your next of kin. If you didn't want them to know I existed you should have put down someone else." Even as the words exited her mouth she regretted them, partly because she knew that neither of them actually had anyone else but mainly because despite everything that had occurred she would always want to be the one that was called if something happened to him. She didn't think she would ever be able to bear the thought of him being hurt or in trouble and no one thinking to notify her any longer.

"And who exactly would I have put down instead?" Dylan responded incredulously, as he wrestled slightly against the restraints on his body in a move Sam knew instantly was through frustration.

"Zoe?" she queried, but on seeing the slight look of horror cross his face on her uttering the other woman's name, she decided to change the subject. She guessed that the thought of her knowing of Dr Hanna's existence and implied importance in his life inferred to him that they had met and if she knew Dylan half as well as she used to, this would have significantly disrupted his longing to have all parts of his life divided out into different boxes that he was able to control by keeping separate. "Well what would you have done if I was out of the country?" she continued, pointedly issuing a reminder that she would not always be around for these types of circumstances as much as she would want to be if a similar scenario recurred.

"But you're not," Dylan answered immediately. "You don't fly until Friday," he added without thought but on seeing the impact those few words had on the woman at his bedside he felt the need to offer a sense of clarification. "The army still have me listed as your husband so they've always given out that information, just like they notified me that you flew back from Cyprus back in October. I had thought you might have gate-crashed into my life before now I have to say. You never were particularly good at being subtle."

"Says you," Sam shot back. "You've been checking up on me?" she added questioningly. "So you're allowed to worry about me, but I'm not allowed to show you the same concern?"

"I never said I was worried," Dylan countered, but at the moment their eyes met they both knew that this particular statement was far from being the case and he felt himself hurriedly averting his gaze from the slightly drained looking woman. He was still holding on to a lingering sense of regret at how quickly he had pushed her away when she had tried to anchor him in reality by holding his hand as he regained consciousness, but in truth at the time he had not been able to fathom why she was present at his side. It wasn't as if he had not been aware she was listed as his next of kin, in fact in the days after the E.D. fire he had pondered the impact it would have had on her if he and Zoe had not been safely rescued and she had received that particular telephone call. However the last memory he had prior to waking up had been of him walking outside his workplace, thinking about the time he was due to spend with his current partner and yet when he had opened his eyes it had been his former wife who had been the one to offer him comfort. Their split over a year before had felt so final, even in spite of him failing to initiate divorce proceedings against her, that it had felt easier, simpler for him to comprehend, to act as he always had done prior to his marriage and try to put Sam's part in his life behind him, despite knowing that this would be nearly impossible given the impact she had had on him in such a short space of time. To see her just standing there as if the past few years hadn't occurred and she was very much still the rightful claimant to his bedside had thrown him so much that tears had pricked the back of his eyes and he had refused to communicate with her in fear that whatever the unfamiliar emotion was that had overtaken him would spill out of his mouth without him being able to prevent it.

"Where is Dervla?" he asked on his thought processes being reminded of the circumstances of the accident. Sam recognised the concern etched across his features and she was clear that any anxiety he may have felt over her whilst she was out in warzones was easily outweighed by the apprehension he had over the fate of his beloved dog.

"She's fine, don't worry about her," Sam answered, patting his arm reassuringly. "She wasn't hurt in the accident at all and I've got one of your colleagues looking after her, Big Mac I think he said his name was." Dylan went to speak, but was cut off by Sam before he was able to rebuke her. "You never even told me Dervla was sick so don't even start lecturing me on what is and isn't right for our dog," she snapped, slightly sharper than she had anticipated leaving Dylan feeling suitably disciplined.

"Will you take care of her for me?" he asked earnestly. "Obviously I know you have to go back by next Friday, but if you could stay until then or at least until I get out of here, that would be agreeable. I wouldn't want her to be looked after by strangers, you know how much she would despise that," he continued and Sam knew that even if she had been likely to refuse his request she couldn't very well just leave the poor mutt with someone until Dylan was discharged, although she was far from convinced that it was the dog who had a problem with other people. "You can stay on the boat if you want?" he added, obviously trying hard to convince her. "I mean, you will need somewhere to stay and it makes sense as it will give Dervla continuity."

Sam smiled, knowing that Dylan's care for the animal meant he treated it very much as one would a small child and with that in mind the idea of a confused and disrupted Dervla became too much to bear.

"It's fine, of course I'll take care of her, I've already cleared it that I won't be joining my unit till Friday anyway," she began, making out as best she could that her decision had been made with reluctance. "It means I won't be going on any of the pre-deployment exercises, but I'm sure that won't kill me," she added, before hesitating slightly at the inappropriate turn of phrase she had used, given her imminent departure to the fields of war. "I'll stay on your damn boat and look after Dervla, but only until you get out of here. I'm not sticking around any longer than that."

"The keys are in my locker," Dylan replied simply and Sam nodded, sure that she recalled either Mr Jordan or Zoe Hanna referring to having retrieved his key from him when they commenced treatment and therefore making a mental note to obtain it from them before they left for the day.

"Zoe said she would come and sit with you when her shift finishes," Sam blurted out, suddenly remembering her agreement with the woman on briefly allowing her to enter her own mind. She saw a pleased look cross her husband's face as he nodded in response and despite herself felt sad at the thought of him wanting to spend time with the other woman.

"About that," Dylan started, but then was unsure exactly how to start explaining to his wife Zoe's role in his life and how much she had come to mean to him in recent weeks. He was well aware that it would only have been fair of him to inform Sam prior to her accidental discovery of Dr Hanna's existence that he was now in a relationship with someone new, but that would have meant initiating a discussion with her that would have been both incredibly awkward and far too emotive for him to pursue as a course of action.

"It's fine Dylan," Sam broke into the silence, holding his stare and trying to put on her most reassuring smile to indicate that she really was at ease with the situation, despite knowing that this was far from the case and how draining it was to put on a false sense of happiness at the sight of the man she loved moving on with someone new. "You know," she started, unsure if the point she was about to make would be well received or not. "You know I never thought I'd see you again. I certainly never meant to track you down or end up messing things up for you here," she furthered. "If they hadn't called to say you were hurt then I really wouldn't be here at all. I was the one who told you to forget about us and get your life back, so I can't be mad at you for doing just that. I've got a new life now and so have you, we've both got things sorted and that has to be a good thing."

"I know," came the only response from the man lying in the bed, who turned his eyes away from her gaze so as not to let her see the distress he knew was spread across his face. He knew then quite how much he had misjudged the situation, as it was fairly apparent that his wife was more than accepting of him moving on and therefore all he had achieved in keeping her existence a secret was to jeopardise his relationship with Zoe, whilst it appeared from her words that Sam was still in a relationship with her fellow army comrade and had long since moved on from him.

A silence fell upon the room for a number of minutes, but with them both being used to sharing a comfortable hushed quietness for a number of years in their time together neither felt the need to break it for some considerable time.

"You're tired Samantha," Dylan stated matter-of-factly. "Collect Dervla and go home. My surgery is at 10am tomorrow, so you don't need to be back here until just before then," he added, hoping that this remark didn't sound quite as desperate as he felt at wanting her to be by his side before his upcoming operation. He knew that if she hadn't looked so exhausted from the events of the last few days and he hadn't been worried about Dervla being cared for by some incompetent in the E.D. he would never have suggested she leave at all, as her companionship overnight would have reassured the nerves he uncharacteristically felt at tomorrow's scheduled event.

Sam nodded, despite realising that given at some point in the moments of noiselessness she had leant back away from her husband he would not be able to see her gesture. She grabbed her hooded sweatshirt from the back of the chair and her oversized rucksack from the floor and made quickly for the exit.

"They thought I was your daughter," she stated, turning back to look at the patient one last time before departing. "I never knew other people would still think that, not after all this time," she added sadly, with them both being instantly reminded of the time they had shared together at the hospital where they had first met. "Zoe will be up soon to keep you company no doubt, so I'll see you tomorrow," she finished, before she pulled the door open.

"Sam?" Dylan questioned, causing her to hesitate in the doorway and wonder what words would be next from his lips. "Take care of Dervla for me," he spoke firmly, as if giving instructions to a child. He wanted to add so many other comments to that statement, to tell her to sleep well and to take care of herself as well, but somehow those words would not come. Instead he settled for the only three words that would allow themselves to fall from his tongue, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she responded, feeling tears welling up in her eyes at her newfound knowledge of his reciprocation of that particular sentiment and so she quickly exited the room and allowed the door to click shut behind her, adamant that given he was the one hospitalised and in pain that it was not appropriate for him to see her cry.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading as always. Reviews are very welcome, because they make me smile. <strong>

**I am working on the next few parts so you should have a couple of updates this week - maybe Wednesday and Friday, but hopefully before.**

**Callie x**


	9. Chapter 8

**Hello once again, a tiny bit earlier than scheduled. This chapter is specifically dedicated to my emailing friends (you know who you are!) for their inspiration with some of this chapter, even if they didn't quite realise it at the time. Those of you that this refers to, I am sure you will recognise some of our own conversations in the below update!**

**Thank you to everyone for reviewing as always. It so makes me smile to see reviews, because they brighten up my day!**

**Here is chapter 8**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 8**

Friday 2nd March 2012

Zoe entered the staffroom with a significant degree of reluctance, as despite it being at least twenty minutes since the shift actually finished she was well aware that the majority of her colleagues had yet to depart and appeared intent on waiting around to see what she would be doing next and whether there was likely to be any further debacle between her and the woman they had dubbed "the secret wife of Dr Keogh" in a manner that made it sound vaguely like a bad horror movie title. Their initial concern over Dylan's welfare had subsided considerably on hearing that he had pulled through surgery without complication and the worried looks that had beforehand crossed their faces had long since been replaced with intrigued glances and wry smiles whenever they appeared to think she wasn't looking.

She had to concede that judging them for their attitude would be somewhat harsh given both the anxiety of the previous day and the shock that had been sprung on them all in hearing that Dr Keogh had been hiding this woman from them for the best part of a year. In fact Sam's presence had only highlighted for them all quite how little they knew their grumpy colleague and Zoe identified that it was the knowledge that she herself had also been kept in the dark that was causing most of the unstoppable gossip. She had never been one to shy away from being the centre of attention and she fully accepted that she had not always been the most honest of individuals when it came to her own previous dalliances. However the fact that Dylan had not only been caught out lying to her, but that he had also managed to make her look a fool in front of everyone they worked with, made this situation so much worse that it had ever needed to be. Not for the first time Dr Hanna cursed herself for falling for a man who showed so little emotional maturity that he refused to open up about anything in his past, even to go as far as to deny he would ever consider marriage when in fact he already had a wife.

"How are you coping?" Tess whispered in her direction, appearing close beside her so that they could talk a little more discretely.

"I'm alright," Zoe responded, before seeing a disbelieving look cross the nurse's face. "Honestly Tess, I'm fine. It's just been a long couple of days."

"And Dr Keogh?" Tess asked, staring at her intently in an attempt to establish how the woman really was feeling about that particular subject at that moment.

"No change," Zoe answered. "But apparently they're hopeful he will regain consciousness soon," she added, before continuing, "And she has asked if I'd like to sit with him this evening, you know so I can be there when he wakes up."

"How do you feel about that?" came the question in reply and Zoe considered what she was being asked momentarily. In truth she wanted to see Dylan more than anything else, if only to satisfy herself that he was alright and would make a full recovery. Nevertheless she couldn't help but think that her first thought on seeing him open his eyes might be to throttle him for what he had just put her through and she wasn't exactly sure that this would help resolve the situation in the slightest.

"It's not like we don't need to talk," she started, knowing that of all the people she could be speaking to about this it was likely that Tess would be the most sympathetic. Nick was obviously trying hard to be supportive, but she could understand the difficult situation he was in given their own shared history and how much she had seen he wanted to offer support to Dylan's wife, in a way that appeared to go beyond the standard degree of interest she would have expected the Clinical Lead to show in a member of his team's family. "I don't know Tess," Zoe continued, "the whole situation is just such a mess and the fact that it all happened so publicly too, it just makes it worse."

"We've all got secrets eh, even Dr Keogh," said a very distinctive Scottish accent from across the room in response to a comment neither woman had heard from Big Mac, but Dr Lyons found himself on the receiving end of a stern glare from Tess because of his words. "What?" Lenny argued back. "You don't think it's a little odd that he completely failed to mention he was married. For an entire year?"

"What I think Dr Lyons," Tess responded sharply, "is that whatever the situation, it is none of your business and quite frankly a degree of tact and diplomacy would be your best option given the circumstances."

However before anyone could comment further on that statement or Zoe could make a quick exit from the staffroom prior to any further remark causing her grief, the door was frantically swung open and in walked Linda clutching a couple of sheets of paper and looking exceptionally pleased with herself, causing Zoe's heart to sink at the thought of whatever piece of gossip or trauma was likely to fall from the nurse's lips in the coming moments.

"You will never believe what I've got here," Linda spoke almost hysterically as if close to spontaneously combusting. "This," she said, thrusting the first piece of paper in front of herself. "This is Dylan and Sam's wedding photo, back in the days when they were the happy couple. It looks like a full white wedding to me, you know, church, white dress, pretty flowers and the works."

Zoe raised her eyes skyward in a desperate plea for someone to call a halt to this apparently endless torment or at least allow the ground to open up and swallow her whole, and she found herself pondering why Linda just hadn't stood on a chair in reception and announced her findings to the entire department from a loudhailer if she really was this excited. Even those colleagues that had not been particularly interested in the chit-chat over the state of the Keogh marriage appeared to be craning their necks to get a glimpse of the photo.

"Let me have a look at that," were the words that were spoken aloud and it was only as the photo was passed in her direction that Zoe realised it had been her that had stated them in the first place. She could feel the gaze of the room upon her as she took in the contents of the formal shot, with a very young, beautiful looking Samantha dressed up in an elegant white gown and Dylan looking the proud husband in his smart suit. They appeared in her eyes to look every inch the happy, united couple and strangely she felt disappointed at that, as whilst not wishing either of them a past filled with unhappiness it had been easier for her to comprehend that perhaps her partner had been trapped in a completely loveless marriage and that had been his reason for failing to mention his wife's existence to her in the first place. Whatever the current state of affairs between them may be now, Zoe could see from their smiles in the photograph that they hadn't always been this far apart.

"And that isn't even the best bit," Linda continued and Zoe felt the horror fill her thoughts in anticipation of whatever revelations may yet be to occur. However despite not wanting to be party to whatever games were being played she couldn't bring herself to leave, regardless of her knowledge that listening to this exposure so publicly may be damaging to her own sense of sanity with everything else that was going on.

"It sounds like there was a bit of a scandal when they got together," Linda began, her voice low and conspiratorial to increase the tension in the room. "It turns out that she was a 22 year old medical student, the most promising in her class apparently, and he was her 34 year old mentor. She was the first student he'd ever been allocated and from what I heard the hospital gave him Sam because they knew she was feisty enough to stand up for herself, given what he is like and all," Linda almost ranted before pausing. "When the hospital found out about them sleeping together apparently they threatened to sack him and fail her from her placement, so to spite them they announced they were engaged and then got married in a matter of weeks."

Linda failed to hide her delight at the gasps that went around the room at that particular piece of information. "Anyway," she went on, "they lasted at the hospital for a couple of months after that and then as soon as her rotation was finished, they both just left. Dr Keogh went off to be a GP for a while and she signed up to the army. No one at their previous hospital has a clue as to why they both just upped sticks, but they've never seen either of them again."

"Did you work for MI5 in a former life or something?" Zoe asked incredulously, but almost feeling a vague sense of astonishment at just how much information the nurse had managed to track down in the space of 24 hours since Sam's announcement of her connection with Dylan. For a very private individual it had just become apparent that Dr Keogh had not been particularly clever in keeping his tracks well covered.

"I can't imagine they had all of that plastered up on Facebook," Tom chipped in. "Actually I can't imagine that he even has Facebook," he added, as if pondering the concept of Dr Keogh logging on and issuing friend requests to his colleagues in the E.D.

"He doesn't, neither does Sam," Linda confirmed. "As far as I can see they don't have profiles on any social network sites, which doesn't really surprise me," she continued. "It wasn't that hard to find out, I mean I had both of their full names so I just called in a few favours with nurses I've worked with through when I was on agency nursing and eventually someone remembered them," she explained. "Once I had a hospital I just went online and contacted a few of their old colleagues and some of the people she was likely to have graduated with. I did most of it last night, but I was waiting for some replies. I've been bursting to tell you all day, but I wanted to get my facts straight first," she stated proudly.

"She was up half the night googling people," Lenny confirmed, before reddening at the realisation he had just placed himself with her overnight in people's thoughts.

"Well at least that explains why you were both so tired this morning," Nick's voice unexpectedly appeared from the doorway causing them all to jump and both Lenny and Linda to look sheepish at being caught out. "It doesn't explain why you would both be tired every other day recently, but I will pretend not to have noticed you sloping out of Nurse Andrew's car when you're both late each morning Dr Lyons."

The pointedness of the comment hung in the air as everyone else present suddenly appeared awkward at witnessing their Clinical Lead chastise two colleagues. However that feeling was lifted as quickly as it descended when the woman behind Nick Jordan entered the room and he pointed her in the direction of her husband's locker, passing her a key as he did so.

"It's quite fortuitous you are all still here actually," Nick spoke again. "Sam and I have just been having a chat. She has just come down to inform us that Dylan has woken up and is doing well upstairs." A brief mummer of happiness and cheer spread through the room on hearing that particular piece of news and Zoe met Sam's genuine smile with one of her own, before watching the woman open his locker.

"You must be relieved," she stated quietly in Sam's direction. "It's a huge weight off my mind, I know that much."

Sam nodded before replying, "He'd like to see you, he was pleased to hear you would be up after your shift." The two of them made eye contact, which Sam appeared keen to hold onto. "I am pleased he has moved on you know," she started, before continuing, "You seem to make him happy and that's all I ever wanted for him. I'm not going to pretend that it is easy for me to watch, but that isn't your fault, it's mine."

Zoe reached out and momentarily touched the younger woman's arm, in much a similar gesture to the one she had received from her earlier on, before responding, "I'm sure he appreciates the fact that you came though, I think he is going to need us both for a little while at least." They stood there for a few seconds, neither having any further words to add, before Zoe finally broke the silence. "I'll go up and see him then. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" and received the briefest of acknowledgements in answer, before fetching her own possessions and departing the staffroom without meeting anyone else's gaze.

"What's this?" Nick asked the remainder of his team still present as he picked up the photograph from where it had been dropped onto the floor at some point since he had first entered the room, before realising the contents and staring at it with a degree of dismay. Sam grabbed the last few items she required from Dylan's locker, including both his car and boat keys, before slamming the locker door shut and turning around to face the room, catching sight of the picture in Mr Jordan's hand as she did so.

"You know, I'm not even going to ask how she got that," she began, glaring in the direction of the gossipy blonde nurse as she did so and biting back the emotions that were swirling around her mind on seeing that reminder of the fateful day they had committed to a marriage that should never have been proposed. "But if I know my husband at all, I know he will hate that you've seen that. Keep your nose out of business that doesn't concern you. I mean, don't we have enough to be worried about right now without you digging around in our past?" she spoke furiously, staring down her husband's colleagues and silently challenging them to reply.

On getting no response, she shoved the few items she had picked up from the locker into the pocket of her hooded sweatshirt and made for the doorway, with Nick following close behind her after frowning at his staff group for their idiotic and insensitive behaviour. As he caught up with her outside the room he saw her eyes wonder to where Dr Hanna was slowly walking up the stairs towards the wards.

Sam could feel the anger she had felt at being confronted with that photograph ebb away as she watched her supposed rival head up to see Dylan, but the feeling was immediately replaced with a gut wrenching sense of sadness that she had just reconnected with her husband, in that he had admitted to at least missing her, and now she was about to lose him all over again. She felt her newly acquired acquaintance, whose support she could not have done without in the last twenty four hours, appear behind her and his hand gently came to rest on her lower back as he guided her from the department and out towards where Big Mac was dog-sitting Dervla. She just needed to collect the dog, locate the car, find the boat and then settle down for a decent night's sleep, but Sam couldn't help but think that this was going to be far from a simple set of tasks given how unfamiliarly alien she was finding everything in Holby to be so far.

Zoe apprehensively continued her walk up the maze of stairs and corridors that comprised Holby City Hospital and eventually found herself outside the private room where she had earlier watched Dylan through the glass. She entered the room with a purpose and strode over to take hold of his hand, not wanting to give him any further time to come up with an excuse for his behaviour towards her thus far.

"Sam said you were awake," she said, examining his face carefully for signs that he was still the Dylan she remembered, but feeling an unnerving sense of anger at him as she did so.

"And now you have seen that I am," he retorted, winding her up further with his curt response.

"You told me you'd never been married," Zoe responded irately, finally allowing the wave of annoyance she had felt building up over the previous day to wash out of her. "When we were in the fire and we had that life or death truth telling moment you lied to me."

"No I didn't," Dylan countered. "I said I wasn't the marrying type and that is very much the truth. I've never been the marrying type, Sam and I just happened but I think we both regretted it the moment we had finished saying I do," he elaborated. "I should have told you she existed I do realise that, but I genuinely never thought I would see her again and it therefore seemed quite irrelevant to bring it up."

"I thought she was your daughter," Zoe chimed in, suddenly remembering that particular conversation with embarrassment.

"How old do you think I am?" he shot back with a wry smile. "A lot of people have made that mistake before you, I wouldn't worry about it," he continued, before looking at her questioningly. "Where does this leave us? I mean, I'm not good at this kind of thing, but you knew that already. I don't want this to affect us. Sam is just staying until I've had my surgery, that's all, just in case someone has to make decisions on my behalf, but then she is going straight back to the army. She wants to be free to do her own thing and she definitely doesn't want to stop me from having a life and moving on."

Zoe could see from how earnestly her partner had spoken that his words were indeed the truth, but despite that she still couldn't quite believe the turn of events and where she now found herself standing.

"I just need some time," she answered, slightly sadly upon even thinking of their circumstances. "I'm not saying we're over, but I need to get my head around everything that has happened and I can't just pretend this is all fine with me when it's not," she added, desperately trying to sound like she had not actually given up on them remaining together as that was the last thing she wanted. "I'm quite happy to stay and sit with you for a while now though, if you'd like the company?" she asked. "I know Sam's gone home for the night."

"No, it's fine," Dylan responded tersely. "You've had a long couple of days too I'm sure, so go home and get some rest. I probably need a good night's sleep myself before surgery." He found himself again wishing that he had not felt the need to send Sam away but then cursed himself for wanting to spend time in her presence in preference to allowing Zoe to stay with him for a while as should actually have been his desire.

"Okay," Zoe replied, before bending forwards and allowing her lips to meet his briefly. "If I don't see you beforehand, good luck for tomorrow and I will come and visit as soon as I can get out of the E.D. I promise."

On hearing the door close behind her Dylan settled himself down for the night, knowing full well that sleep would be hard to come by given his restrained and uncomfortable position and instead found his thoughts drifting to Sam and Dervla, most likely curled up together on board his houseboat and enjoying being in each other's company once again. He couldn't help but think it strange that he was not actually jealous of Sam for being at home with his canine confidante, more than he wanted nothing more than to join them both and he recalled all the times it was the simple companionship he enjoyed with his wife, regardless of their marital status, that had gotten him through many a difficult day.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading as ever and you know how much I love reviews right? I hope you enjoyed it.<strong>

**The next part should be up in a couple of days - I just need to do a bit of medical research first! Callie x**


	10. Chapter 9

**So because I've had so much positive reaction to this fic I figured I would post up my update a day earlier than scheduled - I hope you all approve! I would like to say thank you so much for all the reviews, messages and tweets about this fic because I definitely do appreciate them and it means so much to know this fic has support. Sorry for tormenting Sam (you all seem to have picked up on that) and Zoe so much but now it might be Dylan's turn to be put through it a bit more. **

**This chapter does contain medical information and I make no secret of the fact I am no doctor. All I will say is I have based Dylan's injuries throughout on those of someone I know and therefore I know the outcome is accurate, even if some of the terminology is slightly off or inconsistent. I hope that makes some kind of sense!**

**So here we go with chapter 9. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 9**

Saturday 3rd March 2012

Dylan eyed Sam with interest from his position on the hospital bed in the quiet of his own private room. His wife had arrived as expected an hour prior to his earlier surgical procedure and she had remained by his side right up until the anaesthetic took effect, providing a reassurance to him that he had not previously realised he would require. She had been sitting waiting for him on his return from recovery and the two of them had remained in a fairly comfortable silence ever since waiting for an update from the General Surgical team as to the outcome of the operation. It was only now that she had helped him into a more seated position and he now found himself contentedly reclined against the thin NHS pillows he took in her appearance.

"You went through my wardrobe?" he queried pointedly, before seeing her bemused expression. "Those clothes were in my wardrobe," he explained, gesturing at her outfit, which comprised of a simple brown jacket, strappy top and smart jeans, and which he knew was complimented by the long blonde hair she had allowed to trail untied down her back. "Then I guess, what more did I expect from you?" he added sarcastically.

"Yeah, well," Sam started with embarrassment, feeling slightly like she had been caught out rummaging through his private space. "I might have had a look around, you know to familiarise myself with where everything is if I'm going to be staying there for a few days," she continued with a wry smile. "Besides, I don't know what is stranger; the fact that my clothes were hanging up somewhere I've never actually lived or the fact you immediately recognise them. I can't even begin to imagine what Zoe must think, you having your ex-wife's clothes in your wardrobe and all," she elaborated and received a questioningly look from her husband in response. "What?" she added in a mock-innocence. "You think I wouldn't notice the perfume and make-up in the bathroom cabinet? Either she's been staying over or you've got yet another secret part of your life that you failed to mention," she laughed, attempting to disguise the memory of the horror she had felt on seeing the offending items when she was looking for toothpaste in her exhausted state the night before.

"Well she may have spent some time aboard the boat," Dylan began to explain, taking his own turn to feel mortified and feeling his face pinken slightly. "There was this time when," he continued, but was cut off.

"Dylan, it's fine," Sam stated supportively. "I had worked that much out for myself, you don't need to spell it out for me."

The couple shared an intense moment of eye contact as they individually considered the circumstances they now found themselves in, but before either could break the impasse the door flew open and Nick Jordan swept into the room with Dylan's medical charts in his hands.

"Dylan, Sam," he stated, noticing instantly that both parties seemed to be in a better condition than the day before. Dylan was far more alert than he had been when Nick had accompanied the young woman up to see him before the earlier operation and now that said surgery was over, the weight of the world appeared to have lifted from the girl's shoulders and he was able to see that she had obviously heeded his advice the night before to sleep, shower and take some time to relax.

"I've just spoken to your surgeon," Nick began to explain. "I hope you don't mind but after your difficulties with the GS team yesterday I was wondering if you wouldn't rather I be the one to update you on your condition. General surgery has long since been one of my specialisms and they have brought me fully up to speed with your post-operative status."

"That would be preferable," Dylan replied simply and Nick took that as the most positive indication he was likely to get from the normally infuriating Dr Keogh that he was in agreement about this particular course of action.

"I guess that's my cue to leave then," Sam chipped in, looking at her husband for confirmation that she was correct in her thinking, but as she stood up from her chair and made to depart from his side, she was momentarily halted by Dylan unexpectedly and fleetingly grasping at her hand.

"No," the man stated sharply. "I think it would be best if you stayed. You'll only make me repeat it all to you afterwards anyway," he added, making it sound somewhat like he was doing her a favour by giving her permission to be present. Sam recognised the difficulty that Dylan would have had in saying those words aloud, especially in front of his Clinical Lead, and immediately sat back down. She found herself instinctively taking her husband's hand in her own and then turning her attention back to Nick Jordan, who was watching them as intently as she had previously been looking at Dylan.

"Right," said Nick, studying the paperwork in his hands and suddenly remembering why it was never a good idea to give such news to people you knew at all well. "So we were dealing with the injuries caused by a blunt force trauma to your lower abdomen and legs. Therefore a multi-discipline GS and orthopaedics team was convened to conduct your surgery this morning. The orthopods have inserted an internal metal fixator to your tibia and pinned the fibular bone back into its correct positioning. They have completed a minor piece of fusing to the ankle bones to stabilise the joint and as a result your movement on that side may be slightly more restricted than it would have been before, but they doubt there will be any noticeable difference after three to six months. Additionally the damage to your pelvic bones is minimal and they have reset your displaced hip joint without any cause for concern. In fact the damage to your lower body is mainly muscular and therefore you will need to participate fully in a course of physiotherapy to ensure your substantive recovery back to full physical fitness."

Sam and Dylan both continued to stare at Mr Jordan earnestly without looking away from him or commenting in the slightest. In fact his only confirmation that they were both still aware of their surroundings was that he could see Sam was soothingly squeezing her husband's hand.

"As I am sure you already know," Nick continued, "it has been confirmed that there are no spinal breaks, but there is swelling to the muscles and tissue around your L1 to L5 vertebrae which is likely to give you a degree of numbness in your lower body. There is no reason to believe there is any permanency to this, but of course it could trigger bouts of localised temporary paralysis such as that you experienced last night."

"Temporary paralysis?" Sam exclaimed, indignation and annoyance clear from her tone as she turned back towards the man lying in the hospital bed. "Dylan, just on the off chance your condition deteriorates and they call upon me to make a decision about your care, you know the reason I am still here in the first place, do you mind keeping me informed please?"

"There wasn't time to tell you earlier," Dylan responded sharply to a now seething Sam.

"You found the time to comment on my wardrobe. I would have thought temporary paralysis would have counted above that on the things to tell my wife list. Or is that just me?" she retorted, leaving Dylan shaking his head and looking suitably chastised with no snappy reply he could think of seeming appropriate in the circumstances.

"Ok," Nick began again, trying to bring both husband and wife's attention back onto him to prevent any escalation in their argument. "Having seen your scans and x-rays it is my opinion that you are going to be a bit unsteady on your feet for the next few months at minimum, what with the muscle damage and broken leg bones," he continued before pausing. "However, obviously this morning's surgery additionally focused on your abdominal injuries and rectifying as much of the trauma damage as possible, before allowing you time to recover. Your spleen caused most concern, as it was leaking free fluid into your abdominal cavity but that rupture had now been repaired and the surgeons appear confidant that it will not require further intervention. Your kidneys also showed only very minor damage on closer examination and therefore have been deemed clear of injury."

But?" Dylan questioned. "I am aware that there is something more serious than that from the comments I heard in recovery and I would rather you just gave me the full facts than tried to sugar coat things for either of our benefits. It is not as if I am without medical knowledge after all, I am well aware that there are likely to be further complications other than those you have indicated."

"I need to tell you that a small fragment of pelvic bone penetrated your bladder, which was quite distended as a result," Nick began to explain, knowing that what he was about to say may come as a shock to both parties in the room. "The risk of peritonitis if that had been left untreated was too high and it was for that reason you were taken into emergency surgery yesterday. You've been prescribed antibiotics to minimise the likelihood of further infection, however unfortunately there is now localised swelling and partial disruption to your urethra and there is a significant chance that the nerves surrounding your urinary tract have been compromised. The urologist has suggested that due to the distension they were unable to fully establish the extent of the damage, but further surgery will be required and in the interim it is possible that there may be side effects from the injury."

"Such as urinary incontinence?" Sam queried calmly, staring straight ahead and trying not to alarm her husband unnecessarily. "Will he require a catheter?" she added and whilst she did not look at Dylan she instinctively knew exactly the horrified expression that would have settled across his features on hearing that piece of information.

Nick took a deep breath before answering those two questions, knowing that the responses would be difficult for both Dylan and his wife to hear. "Whilst the urologist does need to take you in for further surgery, they will not be able to complete this until the swelling has substantially reduced and therefore, yes, they will need to insert a catheter. It is likely that this will be a urethral catheter in the first instance, but it may need to be replaced with a suprapubic tube if that is not as successful as they hope. At this point in time it is impossible to judge what level of recovery you will make from this particular injury, but the treatment plan they have in place definitely maximises your chances."

"It sounds like I get very little choice in the matter," Dylan replied resentfully. "At what point are they scheduling my next surgery for?" he asked, hoping that it would be reasonably imminent given the implications he was considering of his current state, such as how he would manage the indignation of possible leakage and nurses changing or cleaning his catheter.

"Approximately four weeks," Mr Jordan responded with a degree of certainty. "Dylan, listen to me," he started again, realising how badly his earlier words had impacted on his colleague. "I know that it is a lot to take on, but you have to keep in mind that you are likely to make a full recovery from the majority of your injuries and there is no reason you won't be able to return to work and lead a reasonably normal life in a few months' time. However," he continued before pausing once again. "However, Dylan you do have to realise that you are going to be quite limited in what you can do for a while, regardless of the outcome of your upcoming surgery and you are going to need a lot of support and help with things in the meantime. As an example I doubt very much you will taking your dog for long walks in the country for the foreseeable future."

Nick could see the rage bubbling under Dylan's outwardly emotionless exterior, understanding fully from his own previous experience of illness how difficult and confusing it was to have your life so unexpectedly turned upside down. He also recognised the distress that was evident in Sam's eyes, but like her husband she concealed it well in her external appearance and he couldn't help but wonder whether she had always been that way, or whether it was her connection with Dylan or her army experiences that had drummed an ability to express coherent emotions out of her along the way.

"When am I being discharged?" Dylan asked suddenly, breaking the silence with his own desperation to get out of the hospital suddenly becoming overwhelming. "I need to get home and care for Dervla."

"Don't be silly grumpy," Sam said affectionately towards her husband, trying to reassure him that things would somehow be ok. "I can take care of her for now."

"You are leaving on Friday," Dylan said slowly, as if he was speaking to a small child and then turned his attention back to his fellow consultant.

"They would like you to stay in for a couple of weeks, possibly until your next operation," Nick replied, knowing full well that this wasn't the news Dr Keogh would wish to hear and hoping that he did not react too badly to it.

"What if someone stayed with me to support me?" Dylan asked, his voice becoming louder as he attempted to assert authority over the situation.

"I can talk to them Dylan, but it would depend on who it was and how much care they could offer," Nick responded carefully, not wanting to offer false hope that this may be an immediate answer to the problems Dylan could see in front of him at that moment. "You aren't going to be able to do very much for yourself for a little while, especially until the next operation. So we're looking at someone who could bathe you, change your dressings, assist you in managing your catheter with all that comes with that and generally help you around the place and get about. Plus they are going to need to ferry you back and forth for physio sessions," he continued. "We're not just talking about some temporary agency nurse here; it needs to be someone who is up to the job in hand. It wouldn't be an easy task to offer that level of care to anyone," he added, trying not to imply too forcefully that it would be ten times harder to provide that kind of support to someone as unforgiving and cantankerous as Dr Keogh himself.

"It is still the option I want to pursue," Dylan responded tersely, determined not to be put off by Mr Jordan's lack of backing for the idea.

"Okay, if that is what you want then I will go and talk to the GS team and see what they think, but obviously whatever happens the urologist will need to see you to consult on the catheter insertion before anything can be confirmed" Nick replied, sensing that he would be unlikely to win this particular argument on realising Sam's reluctance to express an opinion on the subject at all. "I'll leave you two to talk," he added and then hastily left the room, finally understanding the comments he had received from his colleagues in other departments about how difficult they found Dr Keogh to be as a patient.

As he went to walk away down the corridor he found himself stopping by the window to the room and watching the husband and wife sitting in a stunned sense of silence thinking through all of the information they had just received. However just before he departed he noticed the very subtle movement from Sam, as she released her husband's hand from her own and instead reached out her fingers into his, allowing them to interlock in a strong and comforting gesture.

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><p><strong>Okay, thank you for reading once again. I know the medical elements were not 100% accurate, but I never claimed to be a fully qualified medical professional! <strong>

**Reviews as always will be very welcome and I will post up the next part before the week is out. Callie x**

**PS For anyone interested, To Look Out For You will be updated in the next few days also. :)**


	11. Chapter 10

**Thank you for reading, reviewing and tweeting about the last chapter, I'm always pleased to hear what you think of my fics and I'm glad you are all interested in where this story is going. **

**Here is chapter 10.**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 10**

Saturday 3rd March 2012

"Are we going to talk about this?" Sam queried, after the two of them had sat together in silence for at least five minutes. She had to admit that although she had been anticipating some of Mr Jordan's words, the newly mentioned complications of temporary bouts of paralysis and potential urinary incontinence were weighing heavily on her mind. She had already considered that it was likely Dylan would be a poor patient with a broken leg, given her recollection of how much he had complained when he had been suffering with flu and a chest infection a few years before, but she couldn't begin to comprehend quite how he was going to come to terms with the situation he found himself in. She knew her husband well enough to be aware that he did not like to be reliant on anyone and therefore it was apparent to her quite how difficult he was going to find needing to be cared for.

However she well understood his need to be discharged from the hospital before the next operation, given that it was likely to be four weeks away. From her own experience of working in an E.D. she had heard all the same horror stories as every other medic about being an inpatient and whilst she would always reassure a newly admitted member of the public that it would all be fine, if she was in the same position she would be taking any opportunity possible to flee from the confines of hospital living.

"There is nothing to talk about Samantha," Dylan finally replied dismissively, despite taking some comfort from her ever present fingers laced in with his own. "The easiest way to get around this issue about my discharge is for you to tell them you will stay with me until I recover, but then as soon as I am settled on the boat you can head on back to the army," he continued. "I'll be fine with Dervla."

"You know sometimes I despair of you," Sam said disparagingly. "You heard what he said Dylan; you need proper care and support. I know you think you're the only competent doctor ever to have existed, but you are going to have to let someone help you out here," she argued. "I can't believe that even you would be that stupidly ego-centric as to put yourself at that much risk."

"It isn't like I have anyone to ask," Dylan said quietly. "And I am not about to pay out the extortionate rate it would cost for some jumped up ex-public schooled newly graduated private doctor to pop in and change my dressings twice a day," he added more forcefully.

"You do realise you haven't actually asked me to stay, don't you?" Sam asked, her tone uncertain as she was unsure quite how that point would be received by her husband. The two of them made momentary eye contact and the intensity of their gaze caused Dylan to look away.

"No," Dylan replied simply. "You need to get back to the army. You can't miss your posting date; you're the one who always said how important that was."

"This is important too," Sam countered seriously, trying to push her husband into acknowledging the enormity of the situation that now faced them both. "If you need me to be here, then I will be here. The army will just have to understand that my husband being hospitalised takes priority over anything else. I've seen soldiers flown back for less than this to be honest and I'm not even supposed to be on this posting to be fair, I offered to go back early because there wasn't really anything to stay in England for. A few weeks or months won't make that much difference."

"I don't need you," Dylan retorted, still unable to process the circumstances he found himself in or quite how reliant he was about to become on those around him for even the most basic of tasks. The nature of his injuries were such that he knew he was in for a significant period of being incredibly uncomfortable and highly embarrassed on every examination and whilst he was certain it would be Samantha he asked for if he had wanted someone by his side, at that particular moment he didn't want to need anyone, not even her. "Besides, doesn't he need you?" he asked, a cruel and sharp tone to his voice.

"There is no he Dylan, hasn't been for a long time," Sam replied sadly, finally saying the words aloud despite having wanted to present an image of someone who was happily sorted and moved on from him. "It was never going to last was it? I mean he was my commanding officer and he was married, it didn't exactly have all the hallmarks of a long-term commitment now did it?"

"You were married too," he remarked pointedly in response, still not willing to meet his wife's gaze.

"Only technically if I recall correctly," Sam reminded him harshly and Dylan snapped his head round to stare at her for that observation. "Look, this is stupid. I'm more than willing to stay and care for you until you're back on your feet," she started to explain. "The hospital would surely deem me capable given that I am also a doctor. I do seem to remember promising to be there in sickness and in health at one point in our pasts."

"You did," Dylan answered. "But then you didn't stick to the rest of the vows did you, so what makes this one so important?" he added irately. "I mean whatever happened to 'forsaking all others, be faithful' and 'to love, honour and obey'? I'm pretty sure you missed out on standing by a whole load of those."

Sam allowed her features to fill with a look of mock-offence at that remark despite feeling like she had been slapped, but also found herself vaguely impressed that he could actually remember the words at all given how quickly they had rushed into the ceremony. "I seem to remember you eventually relented and let me take out 'obey', because you knew I was never going to listen to you anyway," she remembered aloud. "And neither of us was any good at the 'for better, for worse' bit either."

Dylan finally looked away from his wife at that point, having come to realise he had been staring at her the entire time she had been speaking. He knew that he had been unduly tough on Samantha by bringing up her fling quite so pointedly, especially when he had never stopped feeling accountable for the fact it had occurred in the first place, having been the one to push her away quite so strongly beforehand. He was also aware that she was quite right that they shared mutual responsibility for failing to stand by each other in the bad times as well as the good ones, but he laid the blame for that squarely at the decision they made to marry in haste.

"I can't ask you to stay because it would never be fair of me to even ask you to do that, not after everything that has happened," he finally said despondently, but hopeful nonetheless that his wife may still know him well enough to read the implication of his words.

"You are so unbelievably stubborn and pig-headed, you know that right?" Sam retorted, rolling her eyes at the fact she was going to have to force him to accept her help, despite it now being obvious to her that he wanted it in the first place. "If you want to stay stuck in this poxy hospital for the next few weeks then fine, but if you want to go home, back to your boat and to Dervla, then I have already said I will stay."

"That would be an agreeable solution then," Dylan replied shortly, still not making eye contact with his wife but this time in fear of allowing her to see quite how relieved he was that they had reached an agreement over this. He also couldn't help but feel a sense of contentedness that of all the people in the world that he would accept having to rely on, which were very few in number he had to admit, it would be Samantha that would be by his side throughout this process.

"I mean, unless you would rather have Zoe do it?" Sam probed, suddenly wary that she may have overstepped some invisible line that existed in her separation from Dylan. "I don't quite know where I stand with that at the moment."

"I'm not exactly sure Zoe and I are at the bed baths stage yet," Dylan said, a bemused smile suddenly appearing on his face at the very thought of it in spite of the seriousness of the situation.

"Fair enough, as long as you're sure," Sam answered. "I know you're not exactly keen on the idea of anyone looking after you," she started, trying to allay any fears he may have. "But I'm not anyone, and it isn't like you've got anything I haven't seen before," she continued, bringing a smile to both their faces. "We've always had each other's back; I don't think that has changed in spite of everything else."

"Indeed," Dylan responded, contemplating that fact and wondering quite how it could be that fourteen months on from the breakdown of his marriage he and his wife were now on better terms than they had been at any point since their wedding day. The irony of that was not lost on him, given all they had been through in the intervening period.

"Are you going to tell Zoe?" Sam asked, before reddening slightly. "Sorry, stupid statement. I mean, you'll have to tell her won't you?"

"Of course I'll tell her," he confirmed, but from his tone Sam was easily able to tell that this was a conversation he was not looking forward to. She could only hope that he did it with slightly more diplomacy than he was known for, because the last thing she wanted was to disrupt the already fragile and begrudging truce she had called with the other woman, especially as it looked like she would be staying in Holby for the foreseeable future until Dylan was recovered enough to cope on his own.

"I, um, need to make a call," Sam stated, before feeling the need to justify her escape. "To my commanding officer so I can explain what the situation is and what we have decided. I need to give them enough notice that they can make alternative arrangements."

She stood up from the chair and made from the room as quickly as possible, suddenly finding the significance of the decisions they had just made slightly overwhelming. She pulled the door closed behind her, not wanting to give her ex-husband the opportunity to call her back into the room and leant against the wall, pulling her hands up in front of her face to shut out the world around her.

"You okay?" Mr Jordan's voice called down the corridor towards her and she looked up to see him striding purposefully in her direction.

"Fine," she responded, staring downwards and feeling reluctant to meet his gaze. "I'm going to do it," she added looking back up, but on seeing the expression of confusion etch across the consultant's face she continued, "I'm going to stay and take care of Dylan, we've agreed that is the best course of action all round."

"Right," Nick said, feeling unsurprised at the conclusion they had come to but worried about the situation nevertheless. "It's a lot to take on Sam, especially with things how they are between you."

"I'm well aware of that thank you," she shot back defiantly, making confident eye contact with the man who was still watching her in concern.

Nick took in the young woman's determined expression and found himself impressed by her steely attitude once again. He could tell she was already aware quite how rough it was going to be on her to do this, but she was going to do the right thing regardless no matter what the cost to her.

"Alright," he answered. "I'll look into sorting things out here so we can make this happen then," he continued, carefully choosing his words. "Just so long as you know it's okay to find this tough and you aren't expected to be superwoman. If ever you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be here okay? Just give me a shout anytime."

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome. The next part will be up in a couple of days.<strong>

**Callie x**


	12. Chapter 11

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last part, it always makes me very happy to get feedback on my fics. I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying this one, because I am loving writing it right now.**

**So here we go, chapter 11 - really hope you enjoy it. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 11**

Tuesday 6th March 2012

Sam knocked on the door of the office that had quickly become her bolthole away from her husband's bedside at the hospital and waited until she heard confirmation she was able to enter, before opening the door and making her way inside.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were busy," she began on seeing that Nick Jordan had company in the form of Zoe Hanna and that they had obviously been deep in conversation until she disturbed them. "I'll come back later?" she queried.

"No, Sam it's fine," Nick responded, shaking his head as she went to back out of the door. "We were just catching up on a few things," greeting her with a smile. Sam caught Zoe's gaze and the two women exchanged a polite acknowledgement of the other.

"They're discharging him in a little while," Sam explained as she entered the room and she saw a look of surprise cross her husband's colleagues faces. "To be honest I think they might be getting a little tired of his attitude," she continued with a slight smirk at the memory of how hard a time Dylan had given a nurse who had changed his dressing earlier that morning. She was sure that he had been sent a different member of staff every time he required any form of care purely because once you had crossed Dr Keogh's intolerant behaviour once, most people were not masochistic enough to return for a second opportunity.

"And you're okay with that?" the Clinical Lead questioned, concern evident in his tone and etched across his face at the task the young woman would be taking on when she took her notoriously unforgiving husband home from the hospital and was solely in charge of taking care of him pending his next surgical procedure. "You have everything the two of you will need until he is readmitted?"

Both Nick and Zoe noticed that Dylan's wife hesitated before answering that particular question, chewing her bottom lip in a visible demonstration of her uncertainty at the enormity of the commitment she had made for the next few weeks. However almost as quickly as she had looked down at the floor and struggled to provide a convincing answer, Sam's eyes were filled with determination.

"We'll be fine; I mean how hard can it be? It's only Dylan after all," she replied light-heartedly as she smiled back at the worried man, who was fast becoming someone she felt comfortable to confide in. "It's not like I don't know what I am doing and I'm going into this with my eyes wide open, believe me. I know exactly what he's like and how to deal with him. Years of being married to the grumpy thing has taught me that at least," she added more seriously, but with a slight cheer in her tone.

Nick studied her intently, trying to establish quite how much of her outward positive attitude was bravado but before he was able to probe her further there was a knock at the still ajar door. "Come in," he shouted in response and Charlie's appeared behind Sam in the entrance to the small room.

"Sorry to interrupt," the nurse spoke; obviously not keen to disrupt the three doctors from their conversation. "Nick, your patient Sally Wells, her condition has deteriorated and Dr Lyons is struggling to manage her pain."

"Thanks Charlie, I'll be right there," Mr Jordan responded and the nurse nodded in the direction of Sam and Zoe before departing. "Sam, if I don't see you before you take him home, then wish Dylan a speeding recovery from me," he stated towards the younger of the two women, as he stood up from behind his desk and moved to exit the room. "And if you need anything at all, you have my number," he added, allowing his hand to rest on the younger woman's arm for a moment and giving her a reassuring grin, before exiting the room behind Charlie.

From her position on a chair across the room Zoe watched Sam stand awkwardly in the doorway and couldn't help but wonder at what point over the previous few days her ex-partner had given Sam his number or what had possessed him to do so in the first place. She felt a strange unease at how close Dylan's wife was becoming to Nick, for reasons she could not quite put her finger on, but with Sam apparently staying in Holby for the immediate future Zoe knew that the two of them were likely to be seeing a lot more of each other in the coming weeks.

"He's missed seeing you, you know?" Sam said quietly, starting the conversation back up again and causing Dr Hanna to look up at her with curiosity. "Dylan, I mean," she clarified. "You haven't visited him much in the last few days and he's been missing you."

"We've been very busy," Zoe responded curtly, recognising the blunt edge to her voice as she spoke, but feeling slightly under the spotlight at the words. "It's not like I didn't want to, but we were already short staffed before Dylan's accident. I've been working double shifts ever since."

"I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything," Sam replied, an apologetic look across her face. "Mr Jordan said you were all really busy and Dylan knows the score. It's just I don't want you to think you can't see him because I'm there, if you need me to make myself scarce then that's fine by me." In truth Sam was incredibly worried about the state of Zoe's relationship with Dylan, the fact being that as far as she knew Dr Hanna had only visited him twice since he had woken up and both of those visits had been very short. She had questioned Nick the previous night over a couple of beers exactly how serious the association between the her husband and his own ex-partner had been before the accident and what the other woman was like personally, having gleaned little from her own meetings with Zoe except for a shared understanding of their mutual affection for one Dr Keogh.

"I'm not trying to avoid you or Dylan for that matter," Zoe answered simply. "I've genuinely just been very busy. I'll go up and see him for a few minutes before you two go," she added, trying not to sound as despondent about the situation as she felt. The thought of her partner sharing a houseboat with his ex-wife and her being the one to take care of him had turned out to be quite difficult for her to swallow. Whilst she had heard Dylan's reassurances that the younger woman was only sticking around because of his current condition and that she would be gone as soon as his surgery was completed, she had felt quite snubbed at the knowledge he had not even considered asking her to look after him until he was fit enough to stand on his own two feet again.

After her own previous experiences with Nick she had to admit that she was far from keen to play nursemaid to anyone, especially not someone she was intimately involved with, but it was the thought that Dylan would rather his young, less medically experienced wife be the by his side had stung more than she had realised it would when she had first heard the plan the two of them had cooked up to get him out of the hospital as soon as possible.

"You are alright with this aren't you? Me moving in with Dylan for a while and everything?" Sam questioned on seeing the look of consternation crossing the other woman's face and on not seeing any response from Zoe, she felt the need to continue and justify the circumstances they all found themselves in. "I really am only going to be there to be the carer, come housekeeper you know?" she clarified. "Not that I was ever very good at the household stuff, so I am sure Dylan will be berating me soon enough," she added with a smile, eliciting a similar response from the other woman. "I really don't want to get in the way of the two of you and I did mean it about making myself scarce if you need me to," she added, trying hard not to think about the implications of her words as they left her mouth.

"He said you were keen to get back to the army?" Zoe questioned, looking for confirmation from the younger woman that she would not be wanting to make her stay in Holby a more permanent one.

"Oh definitely," Sam responded, nodding furiously. "It's all I've ever wanted," she continued, silently adding to herself that this was far from true given how much she had wished to stay as Dylan's wife forevermore when they made their wedding vows. "I've just delayed my posting by a few months that's all," she described, pushing down the sadness that had come over her as best she could. "As soon as he is back up and about I will be out of here and I'll leave the two of your in peace. Look, the consultant said he would be ready to go quite soon so I need to get back up there. Why don't you come up and see him now? I've got to check a few things out with the GS team before I finally take him home."

The two of them made the short, now familiar, walk from the E.D. to Dylan's private room in an uncomfortable silence, with thoughts of Dylan and Zoe together swirling around in Sam's mind. She felt more than a little nauseous at even the thought of having to spend half her time as Dylan's carer trying to find other things to occupy herself whilst the couple spent some alone time together and hoped that Dervla wouldn't be too put out by some very long walks to accommodate this, but she knew that for her husband's sake it was important that normality was maintained and he had supportive people around him, however much she herself disproved of their presence. It didn't help how she was feeling that Sam felt every inch the silly little tomboy in the glamorous older woman's company, as despite all that had occurred she could see the professionalism and style that Zoe emitted in every circumstance.

As they reached Dylan's room Zoe watched as Sam scurried off down the corridor in search of the doctor she needed to speak to prior to collecting her husband. Dr Hanna stood outside her partner's room for a couple of minutes, finding herself suddenly unsure exactly what it was she intended on saying to him when she entered. She eventually slowly pushed open the door and caught sight of him, for the first time she had seen him since the accident dressed and in a seated position and looking much more like the Dylan she knew and had grown to have feelings for.

"I wasn't sure if I would see you before I went home," the man immediately stated curtly, his frustration at his current state and annoyance at Zoe's lack of visit laying heavy on his mind as he saw her for the first time in days.

"I've been busy," she responded, but was cut off before she could continue.

"Samantha said," Dylan butted in. "She's been making excuses for you," he added pointedly.

"Don't start," Zoe argued back, finding herself feeling provoked at his unfair attitude towards her. "I've just had the longest few days at work I've had in years," she continued. "And then you tell me you're moving your wife onto your boat to take care of you and I don't even get a say in what is happening next. How exactly do you expect me to be reacting right now?"

"Nothing's changed," Dylan stated unemotionally. "She is just staying so that I can be discharged. I can't manage without her right now unfortunately. I don't see why that changes things between me and you."

"You really don't get it do you?" Zoe questioned, still irate at how detached he seemed from the situation. "The past few months have been brilliant and I've got so used to there being an 'us' here. Then all of a sudden your wife is here and I'm expected to carry on like nothing has happened? I'm struggling here Dylan and you aren't giving me anything back. I haven't got a clue where we stand anymore."

"I don't want you to take care of me," he responded, seeing a devastated look cross his partner's face. "Not because I don't want you to be around, but, well I'm not the easiest person to get along with at the best of times. You've said that yourself on many occasions," he added, trying but failing to raise a smile from Zoe in response. "I just don't think we're ready for you to be looking after me, we'd be dead in the water in less than a day," he added sadly. "Samantha's seen me at my worse moments, with the drinking and things, so I know she isn't going to make a run for it at the first sign of me being my apparently grouchy self," he earnestly explained, before holding his hand up to silence Zoe as she went to deny that would be her course of action if she had been allowed to try to be at his side. "She'll only be here a month more than likely and then she can go take her frustrations out on her army comrades. She doesn't do this touchy feely stuff anymore than I do, she can walk away from the end of this unscathed in a way that me and you just wouldn't be able to."

Zoe considered his words and was able to see that there was a great deal of truth in them, despite not agreeing with him for a moment that Sam was not emotional as despite her short time with the younger woman she had seen the girl nearly break her heart over Dylan on more than one occasion. She also fully understood that it was far too soon for her to take on the carer role in his life, but now that she had his justification for feeling the same way it made the situation a little easier to bear.

"I do still want us to be together," Zoe responded softly. "I think we just need to take it slowly and you need to tell me what is going on, not just rush off and make decisions. By the time I knew you were hoping to get out of hospital you'd already sorted out this entire escape plan with Sam and no one had thought to mention it to me. If this is going to work I can't be an afterthought."

"You won't be," Dylan answered her concern, stretching out his hand and pulling Zoe closer to him and allowing their lips to meet briefly, before he was distracted by movement from the doorway.

"Sorry for interrupting," Sam said awkwardly, her face flushed red with embarrassment at the scene she had just witnessed. "You're all clear to leave; they just need you to sign a few papers at the desk on the way out."

It was at that moment that both Zoe and Dylan caught sight of the item in front of Sam, a shiny hospital issue wheelchair.

"If you think I am using that, then you don't know me at all," Dylan snapped at his wife, meeting her gaze with an intolerant glare.

"I know you aren't going to use it," Sam retorted. "Although I think I would quite enjoy the power of pushing you around grumpy," she added, which surprisingly raised a smile from the older female doctor. "Look, let's just play their game for now, at least until we actually get out of the hospital grounds," she said, giving her husband an innocent look. "I promise I won't make you use it when we get home. It isn't like you'd even be able to get around the boat in it anyway."

Sam came further into the room and pushed the chair towards Dylan's bedside before silently reaching around him to provide the support he needed, despite his protestations to the contrary, and eventually managed to manoeuvre him into the much maligned wheelchair under Zoe's watchful gaze.

"Listen," Sam started, catching Zoe's attention. "Why don't you come round for dinner one night this week?" She saw the reluctance in both fellow doctors' eyes, so felt the need to elaborate further. "If you came round on Thursday night perhaps? I have plans, so it would just be the two of you. I can cook something for you before I go out if you like."

Dylan snorted at that statement, having experienced his wife's numerous attempts at cookery when they were together but that outward gesture masked the anger he felt inside upon learning that she had already made plans for a night out despite the fact he had yet to be discharged and couldn't help but wonder quite who they were with.

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," Zoe spoke first, breaking the silence that had settled across the room and getting a bewildered look from Dylan in return. "It's not that I don't want to, but will you even be up for that?" she asked.

"I'm not an invalid," he responded brusquely. "Well not completely anyway."

"He'll be fine Zoe," Sam countered the other female's concerns. "It will give me and him a break from each other, stop me from throttling him in frustration."

"I am still here you know," the male in the room chipped in, not agreeing with the fact the two women in his life appeared to be making decisions about his week without consulting him.

"So we're all agreed then?" Sam queried. "You'll come round on Thursday after work?"

"Yeah, I guess," Zoe answered, still a little unsure as to how she felt about the whole situation but not wanting to drive Dylan any further away from her than he had earlier been. "I'll see you then," she added, speaking directly to him, before leaning down and meeting his lips with a kiss once again.

She watched as Sam picked up Dylan's bag of possessions before starting to push her husband's wheelchair from the room that had become his residence for a number of days. However as pleased as she was that he was now fit to be discharged and would be well taken care of, Zoe couldn't help but consider that the whole situation would have been a lot easier if Sam had turned out to be his damn daughter after all. As much as she had initially hated the thought she now realised that it would have been considerably less stressful to be the feisty and determined young woman's step-mother than it was turning out to be the third person in the complex Keogh marriage.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and as usual, you know how much I love reviews. The next part is likely to be up on Tuesday or Wednesday.<strong>

**Thanks, Callie x**


	13. Chapter 12

**Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing the last part, your support is much appreciated and all the messages about this fic have been lovely. Extra special thanks to Anny, Meggi and Ficmouse for being so brilliant and supportive.**

**So here we go with the next chapter - and please remember as I have said before, I am no medical expert. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 12**

Wednesday 7th March 2012

They had only been living together on the houseboat for a matter of hours when Sam first considered that it may not be that easy to adjust to being back in Dylan's company full time once again. She had just started to grow used to the confines of the unfamiliar boat in the previous few days whilst her husband had remained in hospital and the time she had spent by his bedside had reawaken the connection they had always shared. However she had begun to realise that actually living in each other's pockets was more likely to result in tension and the emergence of ever grumpier moods from the man himself than it was peaceful harmony.

She watched as Dylan sat propped up on the sofa with the thickest text book she had ever seen open in front of him and couldn't fail to raise a smile at the fact that even when he was in such a battered state his first priority had been medical research, admittedly even if in this case she was sure he was exploring options for his own treatment. Sam was half tempted to skip out on attending his next follow up appointment at the hospital with him, because on the basis of all the investigation he was doing himself she was pretty certain he was going to give the consultant a rough ride over their future plans for his care.

Dylan knew his wife's eyes were upon him as he tried to read through the book in his hands, but he couldn't bring himself to concentrate on the words despite knowing how much it may aide him when he returned to the hospital in a few days' time for a check-up. There was something about it being his own injuries that he was trying to solve that appeared to be causing his mind difficulty in processing the detail on the page in any coherent format and he could feel the annoyance rising inside of him at the knowledge he was allowing his own emotions to get the better of him in such a manner.

He also knew that his mood had been worsened by how much support he had needed from his wife just to get from the bed to the sofa even with his crutches and that had been without her having to produce a make-shift bathroom for him in the kitchen so that he could access the sink to wash whilst sitting on a chair. Dylan had found himself grateful for once at how physically strong and able his ex-wife was, because he was certain that most other women would not be anywhere near capable enough to provide such support to a male and he was still as adamant in his determination as he had been the previous day that he would not be resorting to using the wheelchair anytime soon.

Sam's acts of domesticity had bemused him so far that morning, as she was the least house-wifely person he knew and her attempts at cookery, housekeeping and general cleaning had always resulted in disaster back when they were living together before. He recalled that she had always much preferred charging about to doing household chores, in fact if he remembered correctly they had spent their first day together on an assault course as part of a team building event, designed to enable mentors to bond with their new pupils. Unlike most of the other pairings it had been his mentee that had taken the lead in their efforts and whilst her fast pace had nearly killed him en route, her excitement on them taking the lead and subsequently winning the day had caused her to offer him the warmest of smiles. He remembered that it had been as he watched the beautiful young student, covered from head to toe in mud but beaming from ear to ear regardless, that he had first realised he might develop feelings for the girl much against his own better judgement.

"Coffee grumpy?" Sam called from behind him and he span his head round from the book to gaze towards the kitchen, momentarily distracted from his thoughts.

"Yes, I take it," he started, but she cut him off.

"Plain and simple," she butted in, rolling her eyes at him. "Just like you did when I first met you, how you took it the whole time we lived together, how you drank it when I made it last night and how you reminded me you took it this morning. I do remember how you like your coffee, you know," she retorted smartly.

"Yes, right," Dylan stated, feeling chastened by her words. He watched as she started to busy herself with making drinks, realising with some horror that she appeared to have rearranged some of his kitchen items in his absence. However before he could comment on the inappropriateness of her actions he was diverted by his wife's appearance and the clothes she was wearing.

Sam was still dressed in her sleepwear from the night before, despite it being nearly noon and although her clothing was simple he couldn't help but notice how well it suited her. She was in a green strappy top and checked pyjama bottoms, with her long hair messily hanging down her back and he could see instantly that she had not bothered to put any make-up on yet, although in his opinion she had never really needed it in the first place, unlike some other women he had met over the years. His Samantha had always looked beautiful even when she had the image of someone who had just clambered out of bed minutes before, a sight he knew he had been lucky to have for the three years they shared a bed and their lives together.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, snapping him out of his daze as he realised that he had been staring at her the entire time.

"Fine," Dylan responded tersely and noticed the slightly hurt look in her eyes on hearing the tone of his words, but she still offered him a smile back regardless. He felt that he was unable to offer her anything more than that simple stock answer, because elaborating would have meant explaining the confusing state of helplessness he was feeling and that he was still trying to come to terms with himself. He had known from the moment Nick Jordan had explained his injuries that things were not going to be easy for him in the coming weeks, but back then he had not comprehended how difficult it would be to allow Sam to look after him. The reality of the situation had begun to sink in when he had required her help to dress himself given the restrictions his injuries and catheter were placing on him and he knew he had yet to really consider what it would be like to allow her to help bathe him later on.

If he was honest with himself Dylan was finding his circumstances incredibly uncomfortable and he couldn't help but feel as if his physically vulnerable state left him open to scrutiny under his wife's gaze, however supportive she was trying to be. The indwelling Foley catheter and attached drainage bag had left him feeling indignant and despite his own assurances to patients that insertion was far from a painful procedure, he had found the experience far from pleasant and had eventually to his embarrassment had to resort to asking for local anaesthetic cream to numb the excruciating discomfort. He was incredibly grateful that if all went according to the surgeon's expectations he would be free of the device in a matter of weeks as he did not think he would be able to bear being in such a predicament longer term and he had dismissed even the thought of that from his mind on more than one occasion.

"I'm going to the shops soon, you've barely got anything in," Sam said as she approached him from the kitchen with two steaming mugs of coffee in her hands, passing one to him and holding tightly onto the other as she perched on the opposite arm of the sofa to where Dylan was leaning. "If there is anything specific you want, let me know. I know you'll only go on at me a hundred times tonight if there is something important I've forgotten," she added as he couldn't help but look at her clothing, wondering if she was intending on heading to the supermarket still dressed in her pyjamas. "Yes, I am going to pull on some clothes before I go out," Sam continued in response, suddenly able to read his mind so it seemed. "I'll try not to embarrass you too much whilst I'm here," she stated with the merest hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Dylan watched as she took a slurp of the hot liquid in her mug and winced at the temperature, despite him knowing full well she must have been well aware how boiling it was as she had made it only a minute or so before. It felt as if something had changed deeply inside him as he looked at her, because no matter the age gap between him and his wife and the comments they had received on that very topic throughout the duration of their relationship, he had never actually noticed how young she was until she had appeared by his bedside early that morning to check his dressings and catheter for him. Nonetheless his prevailing thought as he actually studied her face intently was that she still remained very much his equal in every sense of the word, just as she had been that first day he met her, a thought that had always felt strange to him as back then she should have been nothing more than his pupil and he had most definitely been her senior.

"What you thinking about?" Sam asked sweetly and he found her staring back at him, coffee mug wrapped tightly in her hands and up close to her mouth.

"The assault course," he said quickly, covering the actual topic spinning through his mind, but noticing the smile that filled his companion's face regardless.

"Well that's quite random," she replied, fondly remembering back to that event herself instantaneously. She recalled happy memories of the day when she had first been introduced to the grumpiest doctor she had ever met and whilst his unforgiving glare on being presented with her had scared her witless, she had found herself drawn deep into his gaze immediately. Sam knew that she had been determined to do incredibly well on that first placement in an E.D. with her desire to get enough experience to be considered for an army medic role her main priority, but starting to fall in love with her mentor within the space of a day had definitely not been on her to do list. She had spent the majority of the session dragging the reluctant man around the various obstacles that had been her speciality since her cadet days and somehow they had managed to achieve first place. They had retained that ranking in their department from that day until their departure, with Dylan pushing her to the brink of everything she was capable of on an almost daily basis to ensure that he and his student were the top performing in the hospital.

"Indeed," Dylan responded and the two of them made eye contact across his sprawled out form on the sofa, neither feeling the need to offer any other words as comment on their own thoughts.

"I need to get changed," Sam quickly interjected, breaking the intensity of the moment and springing up from the arm of the chair as if her life depended on it. "Have a think about whether there is anything you want from town," she added, putting her mug down on the small table she had earlier placed by his side for ease of access. "You or Dervla that is," she finished, shooting a smile in his direction as the daft dog appeared at her side on hearing her name spoken aloud.

Sam hastily made her way to her husband's bedroom where her clothes that had been hanging up in his wardrobe had now been joined by more recent additions that had finally been freed from the confines of her rucksack. She opened the cupboard door and stared at the selection of garments that confronted her with bafflement. She still had no real idea why the first section of outfits had been present at all, as although she considered her husband may have felt it disrespectful to throw them away that did not offer enough of an explanation as to why they had been stored so nicely in the wardrobe, almost as if she had popped away for the weekend than they had separated and her clothes had already been resident in a place she had only moved into a few days before.

Sam quickly selected a suitable outfit for her sojourn into town to find the nearest supermarket to stock up on essentials, a trip she was not looking forward to as she had yet to fully master how to control Dylan's car much to his consternation the previous afternoon when she had driven him home. On changing Sam entered the bathroom and opened the cabinet to grab hold of her spray on deodorant, a task which was messing with her head and thought processes every time she did it. The fact that her items were on a small portion of a shelf that also contained Zoe's perfume and other toiletries was beyond weird to her and she could only imagine that the other woman would feel similarly on seeing the sight for herself the following day.

She exited the bathroom as speedily as she had entered and headed back into the kitchen where the rough shopping list she had drafted lay half written on the sideboard. Sam had never been one for going to such trouble when buying her own food, preferring just to purchase whatever looked interesting or easy to cook on her brief visits to a local convenience store in whatever town she had been staying in at the time. However she knew how difficult her husband had been when he had left her to purchase items that were important to him, especially Dervla related bits and pieces and she had gotten the request somehow incorrect and returned home with the wrong items. The fact that they had once argued over her buying wholemeal bread over granary still bemused her, although if she was honest she was still unsure which he had a preference for and she found herself sneaking a peek in the bread bin just to check what had been there before.

Sam had one final rummage in the kitchen cabinets and tried to think of something appropriate to cook for Zoe's visit the following night, however nauseous she felt at just considering that she would be preparing a romantic meal for her husband and his partner to enjoy. She opened one last cupboard and saw with horror that there were two bottles of wine to one side of it, something she had failed to spot on her earlier viewing. She crouched down in front of the open door and pulled out the front bottle, noting with dismay that the majority of it had already been drunk. Sam felt inconceivably disappointed that her husband may well be drinking again, especially after everything they had been through to get him off the booze, but she also realised that she no longer had any right to dictate to him how he should live his life. She only hoped that he never asked her to buy any further bottles for him to drink though, because she did not think she would be able to do it in clear conscience, having borne witness to Dylan's awful drunken moods and temper on more than one occasion in the past.

She stood back up, realising that her final scour through the cupboards had not provided her with any further suggestions, so picked up her list and went round to the living area to tell Dylan she was departing. However on reaching the front of the sofa she realised that he had finally settled into sleep, having had a much disturbed pattern of rest the night before as he struggled to get comfortable away from the support of a hospital bed. Sam grabbed the blanket that was draped across the back of the settee where she had placed it as she awoke from her own night on the chair and pulled it over her sleeping husband, tucking it in slightly around him to ensure that he was safe and warm.

She had wanted to ensure he knew that she was leaving for the shops, feeling quite wary of leaving him alone for any period of time in his current semi-helpless state, but she did not want to wake him from his much needed period of slumber so instead settled for writing him a short note on the back of the irrelevant shopping list and propped it up against his coffee mug, which she was pleased to see he had safely placed on the table next to her own before falling asleep. She picked up the text book from its new position on the floor and returned it to the shelving unit it the corner of the room, figuring that Dylan had done more than enough research for one day.

Sam stood and looked at the remainder of the contents of the bookshelf, instantly recognising some of the titles as old favourites of her husband. The memory of those long winter nights spent in front of a roaring fire in their run down old home with Dylan reading her a perplexing array of diagnostic criteria and treatment plans before her medical examinations brought a strange sense of bewilderment over her at the disconcerting set of circumstances she now found herself in. She recalled that no more than a week ago she had been out camping in the wilderness with a group of squaddies in preparation for deployment to a warzone that had been due to commence in a matter of days and the harsh reality of now finding herself as her ex-husband's primary carer as he recovered from his highly personal injuries jarred with her.

"Dervla," she commanded, calling the dog to her side, suddenly feeling desperation to depart from the confines of the small boat. "I'm going out for a little while, no more than an hour though and I promise I will be as quick as I can," she informed her canine friend. "Look after grumpy okay? And be good my darling," she instructed, ruffling the mutt's coat affectionately as she did so.

She picked up her keys and bag before heading to the doorway of the houseboat that she supposed she was now referring to bizarrely as her home, in spite of that being far from the case, and looked back at her husband who was wearing a contented expression across his sleeping face.

"I'll be back soon Dylan," she said as softly as she could manage. "Take care of yourself whilst I'm gone."

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading as ever and reviews are always welcome. The next part will be up in a few days. Callie x<strong>


	14. Chapter 13

**Sorry for the delay in posting this up - it was never meant to take this long, but it really has been one of those weeks. This is especially dedicated to all of you who have PM'd me or tweeted me about my fics this week, as well as Ficmouse, Anny and Meggi for their neverending support as usual. Thank you all ****for reading and reviewing, your support means so much.**

**Here is chapter 13, I hope you enjoy.**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 13**

Thursday 8th March 2012

Sam stood at the now familiar kitchen sink soaking both her hands and the last dish from their earlier lunch in the bowl of steaming soapy liquid with the comforting presence of their beloved dog sitting on her feet. She watched as the warm salty tears that were silently streaming down her face dripped down in front of her and instantly mixed with the washing up water and cursed herself for allowing the situation she was in to get to her. Living with Dylan was proving a far harder task than she had ever anticipated as the man himself appeared keen to treat her like a yo-yo, drawing her close in the moments of quiet stillness that were reminiscent of their marriage and then berating her harshly to push her away just when she was sure he was about to let her in.

As Sam pulled the remaining plate from the bowl and placed it to dry with the others on the draining board she pondered the position she was in, confined to being by his side for the next few weeks regardless of any deterioration that may occur in their relationship in the intervening period. She had never been able to deal with feeling trapped by circumstances, a fact she knew had been responsible for her following through on her promise to sign up for her role as an army medic when things had started to get difficult at home, but this had perhaps been the first time she had ever felt trapped but still could not bring herself to flee.

Sam grabbed the tea towel from the side and slowly dried her hands, before rubbing her fingers across her eyes to remove any moisture that may remain as she forced the stream of tears to cease. She may not have felt entirely steady on her feet with the current arrangements, but that was no reason in her books to allow the man currently snoring in bed just metres away to ever see her cry. She reached down to ruffle the head of the canine curled up below her and freed herself from the weight the equally sad looking animal placed upon her feet.

Sam looked at the clock and realised that she had taken far too much time with the simple task of washing dishes and that she was now in danger of letting the meal she was preparing fall behind her abnormally well prepared schedule. She picked up the casserole dish from its position atop the oven and slid it inside; closing the door and silently praying that the meal she had produced would be edible enough not to kill either of the parties who were going to eat it. She had hated every single second of preparing the food for Dylan and Zoe's romantic meal for two, but in spite of that she had set aside her own reservations for the good of her patient and she had seen how much improved his mood had been just before his afternoon nap, which she could only put down to him knowing his partner would be arriving later that day for their dinner date.

She headed into her husband's bedroom quietly, realising that she needed to get changed from her current scruffy jogging bottoms and hooded top before her own night out and therefore opened the wardrobe to select a suitable outfit. Sam chose a simple selection of skinny jeans, smart boots and a tight black top, before turning to check that Dylan was still actually asleep. On seeing his eyes firmly jammed shut she decided to risk getting changed where she stood and whipped off her sweatshirt and strappy t-shirt.

Dylan lay with his eyes closed wondering quite what she had come into the room for with the amount of clattering about she was doing. He had been awake for a matter of minutes, still irritated with himself for requiring the use of a late afternoon nap in the first place, but on hearing his wife heading towards the room he had pretended to still be asleep. In truth he had thought she was coming to discuss dinner arrangements with him and he really had not been able to face having such a conversation with her, every part of him feeling the situation was too awkward for words. However as it had now become apparent that she was in his room for other purposes he allowed his eyes to open slightly, wondering with interest as to the sight he would see when he did so.

He had not been expecting Samantha to be standing there removing her top as she started to get changed, but even as Dylan cursed the fact that she did indeed seem to have plans he couldn't help but admire the view of his wife's amazing figure, an image he would always hold onto even after everything that had gone on before. He could not help but allow his memory to transport him back to the days when it had been his right to lie there watching her and found himself strangely comforted by the fact that it felt like she had come home to see her standing by a wardrobe full of her own clothes in his room, exactly as if she had never been away from his side in the first place.

"Dylan," Sam shouted in embarrassment, seeing that his eyes were now definitely open and he was staring in her direction. "You're supposed to be asleep," she added sulkily. "Can't you just shut your eyes for a few more minutes?"

"You're the one who is getting undressed in my room and somehow I'm the one in the wrong?" Dylan questioned sarcastically, knowing full well he was winding her up.

"You're unbelievable you know that right?" Sam retorted, finding herself hurriedly pulling her black top over her bra and bare skin to cover herself up. "You're the one who insisted on keeping my clothes in a wardrobe in your room and that was before I even moved in," she continued pointedly. "I mean, you've got to admit that it's a little weird."

Dylan considered her words momentarily and accepted that there was some truth in that statement, but dismissed her concerns as irrelevant. "You never came back for them," he explained honestly, as if that was enough information for her to have. "I like everything to have its place so when I moved on to the boat I put all the clothes, yours included, back in the wardrobe in the same order they had been in the house. It's just like it was before you see?" he queried, his tone giving away how much he anticipated her understanding that point.

"Yeah, well," Sam started, slightly flustered at the thought of her husband unpacking her clothes into the cupboard as if nothing had changed despite all that actually had. "I guess you'll have to throw them out at some point," she continued. "I mean I won't be taking them with me and I doubt Zoe will want her clothes to start lining up alongside mine when she eventually moves in," she elaborated, before turning away from his gaze in fear that he might see how much even the thought of that was actually affecting her.

She stood there waiting for some sort of response from her ex-husband, a man who never usually refrained from telling things as they were, but she got nothing back. After a minute had silently passed she slowly spun round and the crestfallen look that had fallen upon Dylan's face almost caused her to break in a heartbeat.

"What it is?" she asked, half-expecting him to tell her to leave him alone, but instead being surprised to see his face reddening in an inference of embarrassment. "Dylan?" she queried. "Dylan, what's wrong?" Sam clambered onto the unoccupied side of the bed and started shuffling over towards him.

"No," Dylan shouted. "Don't come any closer," he snapped angrily at her, his face full of anguish.

"Whatever is the matter?" Sam probed, feeling scared to hear the answer given the state he appeared to have gotten himself into. However as she spoke she placed her hand down on the bed in front of her, right by his side and the moment the wetness touched her skin she realised what had occurred. "Oh Dylan," she started sympathetically. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

He couldn't bring himself to meet her eye, especially when she was acting so reasonably about the fact that he had just urinated over his entire bed and he was absolutely mortified that his wife had to deal with him in this childlike state. Dylan recalled that he had felt incredibly uncomfortable on waking up, but that this had quickly been replaced with the feeling of a warm numbness setting in down his back. The lack of sensation had dissipated at around the same point Samantha had referenced the strange concept of Zoe's clothes being stored in his wardrobe, which was an idea that felt as alien to him as it did to have her toiletries cluttering up his bathroom, regardless of how convenient she had convinced him this would be a few weeks before. Dylan had only recognised the consequences of his inability to get comfortable due to bladder spasms as he had fallen asleep when he felt the moisture creeping up the inside of the duvet to where his land lay and realised as the pain kicked in that at some point his catheter had become slightly dislodged and the attached bag had leaked.

"Come on, let's get you into the bathroom," Sam started, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen across the room. "Get you cleaned up a bit," she added, desperate to spare her husband the guaranteed indignity he would feel of having the soon to arrive Zoe witnessing him in such a state. She stood up from where she had come to be seated on the bed and moved around to offer her arm to the unusually self-conscious man who failed to acknowledge her offer of help.

"There is really no need to be embarrassed in front of me," Sam stated simply. "I'm your wife remember? I signed up for this," she finished, reaching out to stroke his face for a fleeting moment before removing the duvet from his body.

Neither of them felt the need for further words as Dylan finally allowed Samantha to support his slow walk into the bathroom, aided by one of the crutches even he knew he would come to rely on in the coming weeks if he wished to remain mobile. He tried not to consider that his pyjama bottoms were soaked through but he could not push from his mind how humiliated he felt, despite being aware quite how sympathetic his wife was being to spare his blushes. There had never been a point before that moment, not even when he had coerced her into staying in Holby to satisfy the demands of the hospital, that he had ever contemplated requiring the woman he had once fallen in love with to be responsible for his personal care so intimately and as she helped him remove his clothes, meeting his gaze with a compassionate smile, he found himself silently thanking any higher power that would listen that he had once taken this amazing woman to be his wedded wife.

Sam slowly guided her husband into the shallow bath she had run, supporting him to get settled and keeping his pinned leg above the water line, before returning to his bedroom and stripping the bed. She couldn't help but feel sad at the state her husband was in, especially as she was well aware that he fiercely valued his independence and personal space as much as she always had. Nonetheless she was equipped with enough knowledge of Dylan to be sure that having her breakdown in front of him would only increase his sense of discomfort and therefore she forced herself to raise a smile as she returned to rescue him from the confines of the bath.

Dylan sat perched wrapped in a towel on the toilet seat as he allowed Samantha to remove the damp dressings that covered the various surgical wounds that covered his lower abdomen before he witnessed her cleaning them with a tenderness he had rarely seen her demonstrate with patients in the past. His wife had always preferred the hustle and bustle of a busy E.D. where she could run from emergency to emergency with little care for the niceties other doctors appeared to worry about, but that had meant she had been reprimanded in the past for poor bedside manner, an accusation he was well aware Nick Jordan and Zoe had levelled at him on more than one occasion in the past. Nonetheless Dylan was impressed with the incredibly high standard of care she was providing him with, despite the awkwardness he knew was palpable in the air since he had ended up without clothes to conceal himself from her view.

Sam continued to cleanse her husband's injured skin and felt herself being exceptionally careful to meet his exceedingly high expectations. She redressed the healing wounds on his stomach and pelvic area before methodically repeating her treatment around the scars on his lower leg. Once all of the other tasks were completed Sam turned her attention to the ordeal of checking over Dylan's catheter and the inevitable discomfort that this would cause him.

Dylan looked away and refused to make eye contact with Samantha as she removed the wet dressing and then fully reinserted the tube from its slightly dislodged position, causing a sharp pain to shoot up inside him and leaving him feeling increasingly vulnerable because of the necessity of her actions, a sensation which did not sit well with him. In his mind he was a highly skilled and competent medical professional and therefore the helplessness of his current situation and his reliance on the young woman kneeling in front of him was causing him no end of consternation. He felt her wash the localised area to bathe the exit site before securing the catheter with tape and then changing the damaged bag that was strapped to his upper thigh. It was with a slightly disquieting interest that he studied the bloodied liquid contained in the plastic carrier and he hurriedly looked away as an unexpected wave of nausea fell over him. He could not remember a time before that day that he had ever felt more empathy with those who ended up in front of him in the department, realising with a harsh sense of reality how difficult it must be to understand the upheaval and change that they had to deal with, especially given the lack of comfort he ever chose to demonstrate to them as he explained their likely fate.

"What if this is permanent?" Dylan stated with as little emotion as he could muster, trying not to allow his wife to see quite how frightened he of that potential scenario he actually was.

"You always knew that could be a risk," Sam responded simply as she removed the sterile gloves from her hands and threw the debris from her washing activities into the bathroom bin. "But there is no point in even thinking about that until you've had your surgery, because even you can't predict what will happen then," she continued and tried to brush her own concerns over this particular outcome from her brain, because she could not even begin to contemplate how she would walk away from him if that ever was the case. "I'll help you back to the bedroom and you can get changed," she added, passing him back his crutch and offering her arm once again.

They returned slowly back to the other room with Dylan resting one arm around her shoulders and struggling to balance himself on the crutch whilst also holding up his towel. Sam lowered her husband onto the bed where he quickly picked up that she had already changed the sheets and covers so threw her a thankful look before she turned back to the wardrobes to locate him some suitable clothes to wear.

"What if I can't have children?" Dylan asked, his entire heart breaking at the prospect of a bleak, lonely future despite realising he had never before seriously considered the prospect of becoming a parent and had certainly never discussed such a life-changing topic with his wife.

"I think it's a little too early to even be thinking about that," Sam answered, trying her hardest to sound reassuring even though the question he had posed had thrown her completely and decided that she had never before been more grateful to be facing away from him than when she had heard those few words. "The consultant didn't even suggest he thought that it might be an issue, did he?" she questioned, still stunned by the idea of Dylan wanting to become a father. She had been too young when they had first started out together to even think about the possibility of having a child of their own and after that it had seemed like her professional training, her work commitments, the army and just about everything else had prevented it from ever being the right time for her to start that particular conversation with him. Nevertheless she had been certain that when they had actually lived together parenthood had not been a subject on her husband's mind, so even the thought of him and Zoe envisaging having a child together felt foreign to her.

The couple returned back into a contemplative quietness as Dylan managed to dress himself in the clothes Sam had selected for him with only the most minimal of help, desperately trying to reassert some of his own authority back over his personal care. A tension had descended between the two of them since their earlier words about the possibility of a baby and Sam found herself heading off to the kitchen to check on dinner, devastation filling her head at the thought of her husband wanting the child she had much longed for with someone other than her.

An hour later Dervla's barking alerted the married pair to Zoe's arrival at the boat and Sam was grateful that her slightly late arrival had enabled her to ensure that everything was fully prepared for the evening meal. She was unsure how she had found the time to lay the table so formally, put away the dishes, tidy up the living space and place all the dampened sheets and clothes into the washing machine, but somehow she had satisfied her own need to present a domestic success to the rival woman and also finished getting ready for her own night away from the emotional restrictions of Dylan's home.

"Right, the casserole is in the oven," Sam spoke in Zoe's direction and the older woman found herself drifting towards the welcoming smell of the cooking meal in the kitchen, looking forward to the comforting food after a long, difficult shift despite her earlier reservations and grateful for a much required evening alone with Dylan. "It will be ready in about fifteen minutes and everything you need is over there," Sam continued and gestured to a small selection of plates and utensils on the sideboard as she moved in the direction of the fridge. "And there is a fruit salad, strawberry gateau and some profiteroles in here," she added, opening the door. "I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I thought I'd get a few choices," she ended and Zoe caught a glimpse of a shy smile from the young girl.

"Thanks," Zoe answered and met the smile with one of her own. "Can I get you a drink Dylan?" she called back towards where the man she had come to visit was sitting on the sofa.

"I'll have a coffee," he replied without elaboration and Sam watched as his partner instantly made herself at home in the kitchen, taking her jacket off and throwing it over the stool before switching the kettle on. Zoe bent down to the cupboard Sam had felt horrified to open the day before and took out both bottles of wine, before removing a single wine glass from behind the neat line of coffee mugs and pouring herself a drink and taking a long swig. Sam felt the concern flush through her instantaneously at the incredible temptation this placed in front of Dylan, but again reminded herself that this was no longer any of her business.

"Right, I'll be off then," Sam stated, causing her husband to turn round and meet her eyes momentarily before they both looked away. "I hope you have a lovely evening," she said with as much sincerity as she could manage as she grabbed her own jacket and bag from the chair and headed for the exit. "I've fed Dervla and I'll give her another walk when I get in later," she added for the benefit of her husband who had so far barely spoken since briefly greeting his partner a short time earlier.

"We hope you enjoy your night out, don't we Dylan?" Zoe chipped in as she handed the steaming mug of drink to the man and placed her own glass of wine on the table, as she settled down on the sofa beside him and curled her legs up on the seat next to her.

"Mmm," Dylan answered non-committedly as he studiously examined his wife's stunning appearance as she headed out for a night on the town with persons unknown. "Be good," he sternly added, eliciting a startled look from her in reply.

"And if I can't be good be careful, right?" she quipped back. "I know, I know, don't worry. I'll see you later," she finished and rapidly headed out into the darkness of the early evening without looking back, determined not to make any further eye contact with the man whose opinion mattered to her so much for fearing of breaking in two before she even reached her destination.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading as ever and reviews make me happy, but you knew that already :)<strong>

**The next update will be up mid-week I hope. Love Callie x**


	15. Chapter 14

**Firstly can I just apologise for quite how long it has taken me to get an update out of this - I blame both my manic workload right now and trying to get my other fic, To Look Out For You, to a point where I was happy with it. Anyway, sorry again for the delay but I have suddenly been reinspired to write this and therefore you now have a new update.**

**Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing the last chapter, which seems like so long ago now, and as ever, extra special thanks to Ficmouse (for sharing the writing process and being my medical advisor for last update), Meggi (for being a lovely little star) and Anny (for being awake with me till 4am on far too many occasions to count). **

**I hope you enjoy the update, here is chapter 14.**

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><p><strong>For Better, For Worse<strong>

**Chapter 14**

Thursday 8th March 2012

Sam studied her fellow drinkers in the unfamiliar pub with interest as she took the last swig from her bottle of beer and felt a pang of regret as the much welcome taste of alcohol once again burned down her throat. She had never been one to shy away from a few drinks on a night out, in fact booze fuelled nights on the town were something of the staple diet of an army medic and a young doctor combined, yet despite that in the past she had always had a reluctance to drink on any occasion when she would have to return to her husband knowing full well that it would never have been fair of her to fall into his bed or offer him a kiss goodnight with the taste of beer still fresh on her lips. That she was now in the position of being forced to go home to him but not to be welcomed into his strong arms and realising as she now did that he seemed more than happy to allow Zoe to drink in front of him, regardless of whether he had succumbed to temptation himself, caused her to feel incredibly unsettled..

The image of Dr Hanna curled up on the sofa next to Sam's own husband would be scorched into her consciousness forever she was sure as would the slight look of disappointment she thought she had recognised in Dylan's eyes when she had joked about being careful on her night out, but strangely it was that brief acknowledgement she had seen of his feelings towards the entire situation that had caused her own viewpoint to change. Ever since she had arrived at the pub an hour before, over thirty minutes early for her assignation having been unsure of the walking time to this particular establishment, she had not been able to shake the irrational anger she now felt towards the man she loved. There was something about his apparent hypocrisy in his own moving on but unwillingness to accept she may have done the same that stung deeply, but her rage stemmed more from this being coupled with the vast weight of expectation he had placed on her ability to cope without question. She knew that it had always been her insistence that she stay on to be his support and to offer him care and this was a decision she knew she would stand by regardless of the awkwardness she felt. Nonetheless only two days in to her daunting role his lack of understanding of the difficult position she was in and his usual lack of tact were grating on her more and more with each passing moment stuck aboard his boat with only the sanity of Dervla for company.

Sam couldn't help but feel guilty for even allowing herself to be angry with a man who was so defenceless and vulnerable at that moment, especially in light of how humiliated he had obviously felt under her gaze following his accident earlier that day. However that same guilt was tempered by the thought of him ending up in an intimate embrace with Zoe, an image which caused her mind to briefly be grateful that due to Dylan's current medical state he would be unable to pursue further in the bedroom. She instinctively winced and bit down hard on her lip as she pondered whether it actually made her the worst wife in the world for even giving that cruel concept headroom, but decided she had already won that award the day she cheated on her husband in some bizarre attempt to save her fragile marriage and therefore decided to dismiss her awful thoughts as the result of a very stressful day taking care of a person she should really be considering as no more than a highly difficult patient.

"So what exactly were your plans for this evening until I decided to take pity on you?" Nick asked as he appeared beside the lonely looking girl and handed her the bottle of beer he clutched in one hand, before seating himself and his own glass down across the table from her. He had not long since arrived at the bar having been left dealing with a patient of Zoe's that had gone into crisis as she had been clocking off shift and she had shot him a pleading look before heading out into the darkness. If at first he had been annoyed at her for putting her dinner date with Dr Keogh ahead of staying after her shift to manage her patient this feeling had quickly been replaced with sympathy, as he knew how his ex-partner had been whizzing between trepidation and anticipation when it came to finally having the chance to spend some quality alone time with Dylan away from the hospital in light of the difficult last week they had both faced.

Nick watched Sam sitting expressionless in front of him cradling the bottle in her hands as she looked every inch a young woman dressed up for a night on the tiles than she did an injured man's wife and he allowed himself to wonder what exactly her original plans for the night were. He had felt it inappropriate timing to ask what her intentions had been when he had picked up the phone the previous afternoon and it transpired in the course of their conversation that she had been standing in a supermarket struggling with the decision over dinner options for her husband's meal with Zoe, which in itself appeared to him to be an ill-advised activity for her to be engaged in and why she had suggested preparing the meal in the first place he was still unsure. Nonetheless he looked at her now with a mixture of hope that she had already made arrangements before he had put forward the suggestion of drinks and despair at the thought she may not have done before he decided that her lack of immediate response was a sign that in fact the latter may indeed be the case and he considered with horror quite what that would have meant for her activities this night if he had not called.

"What were you going to do?" he asked, but unsure if he was ready to hear the blunt honesty of the answer he was likely to receive from the no nonsense medic. "Sit on a park bench all night maybe? Get drunk in a bar by yourself?"

"Perhaps," Sam shrugged non-committedly. "I'm sure I could have found something to do to keep myself amused," she added without emotional commitment, but knowing full well quite how grateful she was to have the friendly face of her only confidante in Holby in front of her that evening with all that she was trying to distract herself from. It was strange for her to think that she had only met this man a matter of a week before, but in the last seven days she could not count the number of times she had gate-crashed his office to have a conversation, preferably over a drink and they had chatted long into the night on more than one occasion. She knew it was wrong, but a small part of her would pick out her enforced separation from someone like Nick to talk to as a downside of Dylan actually being released from hospital in the first place.

"Right," Nick answered slowly, knowing he had failed to hide his disbelief at that remark. "Zoe told me about dinner not long after you left on Tuesday and she was pretty adamant that you had somewhere else you'd rather be tonight," he continued without really expecting his uncommunicative companion to give him a response.

"And yet you still phoned to invite me out?" Sam enquired, trying but failing to keep the sarcasm from her voice when she did, as she briefly considered that her two alternative options had been to get slowly drunk alone to block out the events on the boat or to find someone else to get drunk with, in a way she was sure would have felt like a masochistic act of self-punishment when she regretted it the next day and the guilt at betraying her already deceased marriage hit her all over again.

"I'm quite glad I did," Nick countered, pondering momentarily on what mischief this feisty young woman could have gotten up to in a new town by herself with nothing to lose. "I dread to think where you would have ended up otherwise," he joked to lighten the mood and caught the momentary smile that crossed the previously pursed lips of Dr Nicholls as she responded to his comment.

"You know I'm more than capable of taking care of myself," she retorted with a laugh, wondering if this man could actually read her thoughts. "I am in the army you know and I've had quite a while to get used to my own company surprisingly enough, so I'm sure I would have been just fine."

"Do you always do that?" Nick asked, causing the girl to look back at him questioningly as she shook her head uncertainly in response to the query she had not understood. "Pretend things don't bother you when it's pretty obvious you're having some issues with what is going on?" he continued and noted that she immediately glanced away. "You're still his wife Sam; you are allowed to think this whole set up is a little strange."

"Technically," she replied instantly, scrunching her eyes up tightly for a moment to try and prevent that outward acknowledgement of her situation from causing her tears. "I'm only technically his wife," she clarified for the benefit of Nick. "It's Zoe he loves, not me, not that I'm surprised," she explained earnestly with more honesty that she intended. "You've seen her right? Well of course you have, you used to date her too," she added sharply. "I mean they're even talking about having a baby for God's sake," Sam exclaimed with indignation.

"I'm sorry?" Nick queried, spluttering and almost choking on his own drink as he did so. "Did he tell you that?"

"Yeah, didn't you know?" she replied sadly, shooting him a small apologetic look as she did so. "Sorry, I just assumed she would have told you. It can't be easy for you to hear either given how close you and Zoe used to be. It's just when we were together Dylan never once brought up having a baby and I mean, well, he's never been keen on kids, even when they're patients of his and now he is stressing about whether his injuries will stop him from becoming a dad like he was just waiting for the right person to come along to have a child with. A person that isn't me that is," she added bitterly and bit down hard on her lip before taking a long swig of beer and draining the contents of the bottle.

Nick considered her words with a bemused interest, as for the first time he became aware that Dr Keogh may well be considering a life post his current relationship with Dr Hanna and wondered quite how aware of this fact Zoe may actually be and whether it was likely he was going to end up having to manage the emotions of two heartbroken women in the near future, rather than just this one.

"I'm not sure Zoe wants kids you know," Nick found himself interjecting tactfully; not wanting to break his ex's confidence about her medical status with her current partner's technical spouse. He had recalled immediately that in the aftermath of the fire before Christmas the woman concerned had been involved in a frank discussion with Dylan over the possibility of them having a future relationship, which he was sure would have included her disclosing that she was unable to have a child of her own. In fact he was certain that she had indeed made such a statement to him because Nick could recall the anger she had shown on learning Dylan actually had a wife just a week ago when she had explained how Dr Keogh had previously informed her he was not the marrying kind, which she had taken on board prior to entering into her current connection with him. He could barely imagine that Zoe would have taken such honesty from Dylan without also baring her own scars in response, as despite all he himself had been through with her and all the mistruths she had told him when they were together Nick knew that she was basically an honest and straightforward person when it came to such matters of the heart.

"Whatever," Sam said dismissively, shrugging again as she did so. "Her, someone else, someone that isn't me," she continued. "It makes no difference either way, it's just a final nail in the coffin of my marriage and another reason for us to sort out this divorce as soon as is practical," she elaborated. "If I'm going to be sticking around for a while, we might as well try and get that finalised if nothing else. It'll be easier to do it when I'm here than when I'm posted back out to Afghanistan."

"You're going to divorce him whilst you're living under the same roof as him?" Nick questioned in astonishment. "Isn't that going to make things more complicated than they need to be right now?"

"Not if it's what we both want," Sam responded, finding herself being suddenly defensive of her ability to remain on good terms with her husband even through such a difficult period of time. "We've toughed things out before, so I doubt this would be any different and I doubt he will see it as anything other than a positive given he's current curled up on his sofa enjoying a romantic night in with his girlfriend anyway," she countered.

"Not that you're bothered or anything?" Nick retorted, sensing her weakness over how much she was struggling with the current set of circumstances. From the moment she had informed him of her intentions to stay and care for her husband, Nick had found himself concerned that Sam was taking on far too difficult a challenge in an emotional sense rather than a medical one, as he had no doubts over her clinical ability from the little he knew of her. He reflected back to his own past medical issues and knew that there was no doubt in his mind that if a similar situation recurred he would not be able to ask Zoe to become his carer in the way Sam had for Dylan these last few days, as he was well aware that neither of them would be able to manage their feelings or attitude for long enough to make it viable. How the gruff Dr Keogh and his outspoken wife thought they could possibly make this situation work without one or other of them losing it completely he was still far from sure.

"In another life I wouldn't have cheated on him, in another life he'd have married someone like Zoe all along," Sam started, conveying with her tone every ounce of depression that currently weighed down upon her. "In another life he'd be happy and I'd be free, but we're not in another life and it's not exactly like I've got many other options right now," she added. "I mean I didn't even tell him where I was going tonight, he probably thinks I am out on a date or something."

"You mean this isn't a date then?" Nick queried in mock-hurt, before sensing her alarm. "I'm joking, don't worry," he continued. "But thanks for making it clear what you thought of that idea!" he concluded with a wry smile.

"Sorry," she replied, finding herself vaguely amused and horrified in equal measure at even the thought of being involved in a liaison with Nick Jordan. "It's just that would be far too weird for words," she concluded teasingly before wondering whether anyone looking into this situation, Dylan included, would think there was anything amiss about her one-to-one drinks with her husband's much older boss, especially given her own track record with older men. Sam quickly found herself pushing that thought from her mind on the grounds that Nick Jordan had more of a paternal air about him than a romantic one, especially in the way he looked at her as if he cared, and therefore even the thought of something more being perceived between them made her feel slightly nauseous.

Two hours later the two of them were quietly sat in the leather seats of Nick's sports car parked up just along the road from where Sam needed to access the path to Dylan's boat. Nick looked over to study the young woman who had been silent since they left the pub a short time before with interest. From their conversational topics of the evening it was clear to him that despite the fact she was struggling to cope with the difficult situation she found herself in Sam was doing her level best to do the right thing by her ex-husband, whether that be through guilt at earlier mistakes or just a sense of loving compassion he was uncertain. Nevertheless he found himself admiring her strength, especially as it was vastly apparent quite how much being around Dylan's new relationship was hurting her and he allowed himself to wonder not for the first time whether the man at the centre of Sam's world had any idea how hard he was making it for her to stay by his side.

He noted that Sam was staring straight ahead to where Dylan's clapped out car was parked and realised her eyes were instinctively panning the other parking spaces, most likely to see if any of the remaining vehicles belonged to someone she did not wish to bump into later on.

"Her car is still here," Nick chipped in and she glanced round at him before nodding grimly. "She didn't say anything about staying over though did she?"

"No," Sam responded simply, but shaking her head to rid that thought from her mind. She knew from her own investigations into the boat's various cupboards and storage spaces that the majority of items Zoe would need to facilitate an overnight stay were already present on board and therefore all she could hold onto was that the woman's bag when she had arrived would not have been large enough to hold a change of clothes for someone as well-presented as the older female had always seemed to her.

"You know it isn't going to get any easier, don't you?" Nick probed, but Sam could not bring herself to respond. "A few weeks of you and Dylan cooped up on that boat together would be enough to drive anyone mad I'm sure," he continued before hesitating. "I know he isn't there yet, but maybe once he is a little more stable on his feet you could do some locum work for us?"

"Really?" Sam quipped back shortly. "I can't see Zoe being particularly happy with that idea," she answered.

"Leave her to me," Nick responded, confident that whilst his initial concept had been to provide the young doctor with a distraction, the added bonus of having her away from Dylan for a few hours a day would be more than enough to convince Dr Hanna of the validity of the idea, but realising regardless that having the two women in the department together would definitely cause fireworks, with Sam appearing more than capable of standing her ground against the older, more experienced female he was sure. "I'm not expecting an answer right now, I mean you're seeing Dylan's consultant tomorrow and I'm sure he will be able to give you more idea regarding timescales but just have a think about it alright?" Nick asked. "And don't think I'm just offering this to you for the sake of it or because I feel sorry for you. We were already short staffed and that was before Dr Keogh decided to get himself run over."

"I'll have to talk to Dylan first," Sam responded feeling uncertain. "I mean I don't think it's a bad idea, I like being busy and I've got NHS experience, but I've just walked in and taken over his home, he might not appreciate me taking over his workplace too," she added for clarification.

"That's fine, just so long as you know the offer is there," Nick answered her, feeling reassured that she was not dismissing him out of hand. "And in the meantime, if you ever fancy another drink or even just to have a chat, give me a call alright? I'm always partial to a bit of company over a few drinks to wind down after a shift," he added, contemplating whether he would be able to coerce her into a night out with some of the other E.D. staff, specifically those closer to her own age than either he or Dylan, so that if nothing else she had people to talk to and enjoy a decent night out with, as he doubted she would be leaving town anytime in the foreseeable future regardless of the consultants current predictions.

"Sure," she acknowledged, taking comfort from knowing that she appeared to have gained one friend in Holby even if she felt like she was losing her husband for the second time. "I should get going, see if he's alright," she added reluctantly, unsure exactly what scene would await her as she entered the place that had become her temporary home in the last seven days.

"Call me alright?" Nick prompted again, reaching over and squeezing her arm as she undid the seatbelt that was still clasped fast around her. "Anytime," he concluded, noting the smallest of smiles that the young woman wordlessly elicited in response. "I'll see you tomorrow ok?"

"Course. Thanks," Sam replied simply before opening the door and exiting the vehicle, turning around to offer her companion a small wave of goodbye before heading into the murky darkness towards the now familiar boat and hoping against hope as she did that the other woman in her husband's life would be ready to go home soon enough so her own walk with Dervla would not have to last for the entirety of the bitterly cold night to spare her the indignation of watching her husband fawn over someone else.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, remember reviews make me happy and I will endeavour to get the next part up far quicker than I've managed with this one. Callie x<strong>


	16. Chapter 15

**So here we have the next update, which is quite unexpected to me as I had not reckoned on writing at all this evening. I hope you all enjoy it, as it has made me happy to finally start to get this fic back on track.**

**Today's update is dedicated to Meggi (love you!) and Ficmouse & Anny for our wonderfully strange but brilliant fic related conversation tonight, which as ever has got me all inspired and slightly weirded out in equal measure. Plus also I have to mention Freya for her wonderfully sweet message, which did prompt me to even look at this today so thanks for that.**

**Here is the update, hope you like it. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 15**

Thursday 8th March 2012

Zoe leant forward from her seated position to pick up the wine glass that she had placed down on the small coffee table when the two of them had finished eating and Dylan had suggested they adjourned to the sofa to make themselves more comfortable. She recalled that they had managed to make it through the dinner itself with barely a mention of the accident and as the majority of her partner's injuries had been sustained below his waist she had found it easier than she had anticipated to block out the events of the previous week and slip back into a familiar sense of contentment in his presence. In fact it had only been when she had spied Dylan struggling to help himself up from his chair and when he had reluctantly been forced to accept her support to travel the short distance to the living space that the reality of the situation had truly dawned on her.

As an abstract concept the idea of Sam caring for Dylan had felt uncomfortable to Zoe from the start but as he had been forced to place his weight on her and she had realised in quite how close proximity the estranged couple had to live to make this arrangement work she had found herself wondering how two people who had failed to co-exist together well enough to remain married could successfully cope in the confines of the small boat. She took a gulp of the wine, enjoying the sweet taste as the liquid drained down her throat and glanced over in the direction of her silent companion who was seated next to her but staring directly towards the door as if hopefully waiting for Sam to return.

Until the young woman had arrived in town Zoe would have described herself secure in her relationship with Dr Keogh and was certain that until seven days before she would have considered them close enough to tell each other everything despite her partner's lack of interest in communication a great deal of the time. Their first totally honest conversation had been in the immediate aftermath of the fire when she recalled that she had clung to him like a limpet at the thought they had both nearly burned to death before confessing that she would like their relationship to go to the next level. She wasn't exactly sure how they had gone from those first few tiny steps to almost living together in a matter of months but she was certain that somewhere along the way she had explained to him that she was unable to have children and that not only had Dylan seemed totally accepting of this, he had again reiterated that he was not the marrying kind. That this statement now seemed strangely out of place given what she now knew about the man's relationship with Sam had been explained to her but Zoe still found herself questioning why Dylan had felt the need to hide his ex-wife from her for all that time, especially when she herself had given him all but her very worst of secrets in those darkest few hours.

"I'm just going to the bathroom," Zoe stated, almost as unexpectedly to herself as to Dylan as she suddenly felt very overwhelmed by thoughts of the mistruth that she had been told by the man she had started to fall in love with. She met Dylan's gaze briefly with her own before he nodded in acknowledgement of her words and she stood almost instantly feeling slightly dismissed by his gesture.

She headed into the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet, taking a few deep breaths to steady her nerves. Zoe was sure that her connection with Dylan was worth fighting for, in fact her concern over his welfare had been enough to convince her that her feelings for him had become serious, but there was something about his own tumultuous discourse with his ex-wife and the bond they obviously still shared was very much apparent to her, making her feel strangely like an outsider looking in on someone else's relationship rather than being one of the two involved in such a connection herself. Zoe stood up and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror before deciding that she needed to make herself look a bit more presentable before facing Dylan again and so moved to open the tiny cabinet that was attached to the wall. She remembered with a wry smile how she had gradually started to fill the rarely used item with her own toiletries over a period of weeks as she had begun to spend more time aboard the boat enjoying her nights in Dylan's arms. He had never commented on the takeover bid her possessions had started to make on his space which Zoe knew she had seen as a green light to continue from a man who rarely made his true feelings on a subject known, unless that feeling was irritation or annoyance. It had been her plan to start leaving clothes and overnight wear in one of his cupboards but that idea had been disrupted by his accident and now that his ex was acting as a carer Zoe found herself considering that perhaps it may not be appropriate for her to pursue that presently, especially as Dylan himself was not in any physical state for them to be spending the night together anyway.

As the door of the cabinet swung open under her touch Zoe gasped aloud at the sight that greeted her, as whilst her items were still very much present and correct next to Dylan's own aftershave and shaver, there were now other bits and pieces placed on the other side of the shelf. Instinctively Zoe picked up the unfamiliar toiletries more out of curiosity than anything else and found herself fingering a packet of face wipes, a deodorant and some moisturiser, before she spun round to reassess the remainder of the room. She quickly spotted the shampoo and conditioner at the foot of the bath tub and the hairspray on the shelf by the towel rail, along with a purple toothbrush alongside her own red one and Dylan's green one in the cup on the sink. She wasn't exactly sure what irritated her the most, given that she knew it was practical for Sam to have items on display in the bathroom, but somehow the mixture of imposition she felt the girl placing on what had been until recently her own personal space and the fact that the younger woman appeared to need only the basic essentials to look effortlessly beautiful had really gotten to her against her own better judgement.

Dylan could hear Zoe clanging about in the bathroom at the back of the boat but chose not to pay her any particular attention as she seemed to be in a strange mood about something that he was not sure he was able to put his finger on yet. He had realised with some annoyance a short while back that he had been focused on the front door of the boat for the majority of the evening since Samantha had departed for her night out and had barely heard any of the conversation his dining companion had attempted to engage him in, let alone participate in it. He was well aware that he was lucky Zoe would expect little more than the occasional non-committal grunt from him and therefore his lack of interest would most likely have gone unnoticed but if he was honest with himself it was unusual for his thoughts to be this distracted by anything other than an intriguing medical condition these days and most certainly not a woman.

It wasn't that he was not attracted to Zoe, because he had been well aware of her looks from the first day he had met her and the spark between them had arrived instantaneously with the snappy back and forth conversations that they had always shared being present almost as fast, convincing him immediately that she was more than a match for him intelligently as well. However ever since he had opened his eyes to see Sam standing there changing in front of him earlier on he had been unable to get her physical presence out of his head and he was struggling to balance the fine line between remembering the many times they had made up after a row in their own unique way with the fact that she was currently dressed up for a night out with an unknown third party. Dylan knew that he had moved on himself since their separation at the gates of the army base over a year beforehand but despite that and in spite of the fact Sam had already been seeing someone else back then anyway, he was finding it very difficult to have her back in his life yet with her thoughts obviously taken up by someone other than himself.

This sense of unease had only been worsened by his act of wetting himself earlier on and how much care he had required from Sam to clean himself up before Zoe's arrival. Whilst she was nothing if not a good doctor she was also the smitten young girl who had appeared in awe of his presence in those first few months they worked together and he felt an unnerving sense of disappointment in himself that he had once again failed to live up to the expectations she must have had before they were seriously together. As he floated off into his thoughts he felt himself glance over at the nearly drained wine bottle and half empty glass that Zoe had abandoned to head to the toilet a short time before. The temptation of wine being present aboard his houseboat had never really bothered him before as although he did have his own issues with alcohol he had been content enough with his life as it stood not to require such a crutch, yet despite knowing that all the things which had kept him satisfied in the last few months were still there he could not help but feel that everything had been turned upside down enough to make a slurp of the sweet tasting alcoholic beverage sound somewhat enticing.

"We must remember to thank Sam for cooking," Zoe's voice stated from behind him and Dylan snapped his head violently round to face her, hoping with desperation that she hadn't noticed how intently he had been eyeing up her drink only seconds before.

"Indeed," Dylan answered and Zoe found herself wondering whether he had felt as uncomfortable as she had eating food prepared for them by his wife, ex or not. The meal itself had been surprisingly good for someone who had insisted they were not particularly fond of cooking, especially as from the small indications Dylan had given in the last few days she was certain Sam had never been very domestically minded when they had been together.

"I was thinking I should perhaps go soon," Zoe responded meekly, hoping that her partner would not see her suggestion as her fleeing from his side at the earliest suitable opportunity. "I mean, Sam will be home soon," she continued in an attempt to offer an explanation. "And I wasn't planning on staying over, because well that would be, um," she paused to consider her words. "Awkward. It would be awkward with her here and well, it isn't like we can, um, you know," she concluded, pondering at what point in their relationship she had become quite so coy about the physical side of their intimacy.

"Quite," Dylan retorted simply and Zoe stared back at him in consternation, unsure if his short answer was an acknowledgement that he was in agreement with her or not. "But could you finish the wine before you go?" he added curtly. "She won't like it being here."

"Oh," Zoe responded without thinking. "I thought you said you didn't have an issue with me having it," she added earnestly. "I would never have brought it on board if I had thought it would be a problem."

"It isn't for me but she has always hated having alcohol in the house," Dylan answered. "I can't say I blame her," he continued in reflection. "I mean she of all people knows what I am like when I drink, she was on the receiving end of it often enough," he concluded, realising almost immediately that he had said far too much and glancing away from Zoe's gaze to make sure she could see that he did not want to pursue the topic further. He was not certain whether he had been tempted earlier on or not, but he was convinced that for as long as his wife was present by his side he would resist if only to remain fair to her after all he had put her through with his alcohol fuelled behaviour in the past.

"Sorry," Zoe replied humbly before stepping across the room and filling the glass with the remaining dregs of the bottle before downing the contents in one. "I didn't think. Do you need any help with anything before Sam gets back?" she asked him, moving to once again sit beside him on the couch but now feeling the recently familiar distance between them reappear as if by magic.

"No," Dylan stated stubbornly, determined to refuse any offers of help from anyone other than the one person who had been charged with his care. He knew that he was being petty but it felt difficult enough to allow his wife to look after him without giving Zoe permission to do so as well. "Actually," he continued, finding the words to ask something that had been on his mind for a few days now. "There is something you could do for me, well for Samantha actually."

"What it is?" Zoe asked with intrigue at what she could possibly do to help the other woman in Dylan's life, other than disappear completely as she was certain Sam would be happier if she was not around despite her seeming more than accommodating today.

"Could you talk to Mr Jordan about her for me?" he asked insistently, but sensing Zoe's confusion he continued to offer justification for his reasons. "Whether I need her to be or not, which still has to be determined by the consultant, Samantha is stuck here for the foreseeable future as the army won't offer her another posting for a little while," he explained guiltily at the impact he was continuing to have on her life even in spite of their separation. "She's never been very good at coping with having time on her hands," he elaborated, remembering back to all the times she had thrown herself into additional shifts to avoid time spent idle. "So I was thinking that perhaps Jordan could offer her a locum position for a few months, just until she can get out of here I mean," he described, sensing that it would be the perfect solution to their current circumstances, as he was sure having Samantha by his side constantly for the next few weeks would be hell on earth, for her at least as he was self-aware enough to pick up on his increasingly grouchy mood in the small amount of time since she had brought him home. "I doubt very much I will need her here continually and this way she can keep up with current medical practice whilst being close enough to do what she has signed up to in regards to being my carer," he explained, realising that when he put it like that it sounded very much like a formal contractual arrangement rather than an amiable set up between a previously married couple.

"You want Sam to come and work with us?" Zoe questioned incredulously. "At Holby?" she added, still in disbelief at what she thought she had heard Dylan say before seeing him nod at her, apparently bemused by the strength of her reaction. "Dylan, it isn't that I don't like her, but don't you think this whole situation is weird enough? I'm not sure complicating things by having me and her work together would be the greatest step forward I have to say," she continued, horrified at even the thought of having to spend a twelve hour shift in the younger doctor's company. "Besides you hate everyone knowing your business and I doubt the others will be able to keep their noses out of things if she is there all the time," Zoe added, internally referencing the photograph and scandal that Linda had somehow traced via the internet like she was Sherlock Holmes rather than a scatty nurse but failing to make mention of it aloud as she was unsure how much of this event Dylan had been made aware of before now.

"I trust Samantha to be discreet," Dylan stated with little emotion. "She's had to learn to be," he added dismissively. "And I have to tell you I disagree with you over this being a bad idea because although I am suggesting she works in the E.D. I never said anything about the two of you working the same shifts," he elaborated. "I don't doubt you and Samantha would find it difficult to tolerate working together full time, mainly because she is fairly argumentative and sure of herself and you, well you aren't short of an opinion are you?" he continued, causing Zoe to raise her eyebrows at his uncharacteristically diplomatic way of phrasing that statement. "If you worked opposing shifts, at least some of the time anyway, then we would be able to spend some time alone together without forcing her off the boat for hours," he finished, pleased with himself. "You were the one who mentioned the current set up is awkward."

"I don't know Dylan, I really don't," Zoe admitted honestly, taking his hand and stroking his fingers with her own. "But I'll think about it and if you want me to talk it over with Nick I will, he seems to have a soft spot for Sam so I am sure he could be sold on the idea," she added with an unexpected sadness upon it hitting her all over again how the two most important people in her life shared Dr Nicholls as a common bond, even regardless of the fact Nick had never even met the young woman a week ago.

"Thank you," Dylan answered, accepting her word as good enough for now but making a mental note to mention the suggestion to Jordan himself at the hospital the following day in case his current companion forgot, however consciously or unconsciously that act may be. He looked down to where Zoe was still grasping his hand, feeling an odd sense of detachment from her touch yet as he looked up he was completely absorbed in the intensity of her gaze as she leaned forward and captured his lips with her own, moving herself to wrap her arms around him as she deepened the kiss with a passion that Dylan found quite unexpected.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Zoe stated as she pulled away, standing up suddenly and grabbing her bag and coat from their resting place beside the sofa before exiting without a further word and leaving her partner incredibly confused at her erratic behaviour as he watched her leave.

Zoe headed out into the darkness pulling her coat around her shoulders and fumbling through her bag for the required car keys as she began her short walk back to the parking area where she had earlier left her vehicle. She spied a figure heading towards her in the shadows and whilst the hairs on the back of her neck instantly rose she quickly identified the person as Sam, obviously dragging her heels in returning to the boat judging by the speed she was travelling.

"Hi," the girl said shyly and not meeting her gaze. "I wasn't sure if it was a good time for me to come back, I mean Dylan never sort of said if you were staying or anything."

"I'm not," Zoe answered sharply in response to the awkwardness of the moment, recognising that this was a stupid thing to say given that it would have been apparent to the young woman she was already departing even without her words. "I didn't think staying would be the best idea, I mean it's not as if we can, um, well, do anything like that at the moment," she continued, pausing to wonder why she had taken the conversation in that particular direction.

"I know, well not yet anyway," Sam replied dejectedly and Zoe couldn't help but think that through the dimly lit night air she had seen a slight reddening of the girl's cheeks at the thought of the two of them together, which she knew would be matched by the warm hue that was filling her own face at the irony of having this particular conversation with her partner's wife.

After a further moment of silence during which neither woman met the other's eye Zoe nodded in Sam's direction and the younger doctor felt a wave of relief crashing down over her that Dr Hanna was now leaving for the night. She hurried down the path towards Dylan's boat without any hesitation on now knowing the coast was clear but as she bounded up the steps and opened the door her mood immediately collapsed on seeing the state the room was in. The empty wine bottle and glass on the table were matched with a further empty bottle on the kitchen sideboard, which she noted with annoyance was also covered with the dishes and remnants of the meal she had so carefully prepared some hours before. It had already hurt her more than she figured possible to cook the food in the first place but to now be left to clean up after the pair as if she was a skivvy, as well as a cook and a carer was beyond painful. Sam reflected that Dylan wasn't exactly in the best physical state to be clearing up a kitchen, but Zoe had no excuse especially considering she had been all but living there until recently and therefore would have known exactly where everything went.

Dervla bounded up to her side from her position atop her blanket in the corner of the room to snuffle her leg and Sam reached down to ruffle the dog's head, wondering as she did whether the canine had shown Zoe any similar level of affection, before dismissing that thought as nonsensical as she knew Dervla had much better taste in human beings than either of her owners ever had. How the dog had ever put up with her and Dylan living in the same house she was not certain, but if there was the canine equivalent of a lifetime achievement award she knew this particular soppy creature would deserve it without question.

"Let's get you outside for five minutes eh," she said lovingly, patting the dog and gesturing towards the door before allowing the daft animal to lead her back outside into the darkness. She watched as Dervla charged up and down just outside the boat marking her scent on every tree and post, obviously enjoying the freedom from her confinement. After a number of minutes Sam sighed heavily at the thought of having to tackle the mess back inside and the noise brought her canine companion back to her side within moments. "You ready to go back inside?" she asked Dervla reluctantly, half expecting her to have the intelligence to respond but almost gasping in shock when the dog put its paw on her leg in a show of understanding Sam was sure. "Come on then you daft thing," she added, opening the door and following her back into the warmth.

"Were you waiting outside when Zoe left?" Dylan shouted through from his bedroom. "She'd barely been gone a minute when you arrived back."

"I passed her on my way, I'd just been dropped off," Sam called back through, settling Dervla on her blanket before once again staring around the living room in despair at the state it had been left in. She had never been a particularly neat person but she knew that she would never have left someone else's space in such a mess, especially when they had known that she at least would have to sleep there. "I had thought she might be staying over," she added as a slightly cruel jibe at her husband's expense as she headed into the bedroom to see whether he was settled in for the night. However as she reached the doorway and watched him helplessly trying to undress himself her anger subsided in a flash.

"I could do with some assistance," Dylan stated painfully, catching sight of the pitying look in his wife's eyes before she shook it out of her and began to help him remove his clothes. In the immediate aftermath of Zoe's departure he had managed to stumble back to the bedroom, still unsteady on his feet with the crutches regardless of him having reassured numerous patients in the past that even a fool could operate them. The cool temperature of Sam's skin against his own as her fingers unbuttoned his jeans before she bent down in front of him to slide them off jarred slightly, but her careful touch felt warm and safe nevertheless, far removed from his feelings towards his current partner's embrace earlier on.

Dylan found his eyes following Sam around as she fetched and carried items for him, doing her utmost to make him feel comfortable as she checked on his wound and settled him back into the bed before pulling up the covers around him. He knew that his wife was a beautiful woman, but tonight she looked stunning and whilst it hurt to know she had been dressed up like this to meet someone else he decided he would rather not know to whose arms it was she had earlier fled, only silently praying that they would treat her better than he had ever managed. He felt himself flush with surprise and unexpected desire when she quickly changed into her pyjamas in front of him, even though she had turned away from his stare to protect her modesty, something he recalled that she had always done even when they had actually been together. Her lack of confidence in her own appearance had always felt inconceivable to him, but he knew that he was far from an expert in the female mind, especially when that female was as much of a contradiction as his Samantha.

She finished changing and threw her clothes into the laundry bin in the corner of the room before turning back to face her husband's still intent stare and rolled her eyes at him for his stubborn refusal to look away. Sam sat down on the bed beside him yawning as she did so, before moving to lie on her side so she could see him more clearly.

"Was it a good meal?" she asked politely, unsure if she actually wanted to hear the answer or in truth even cared if Zoe had enjoyed her evening.

"It was fine," Dylan responded without any emotion. "The food was better than I remembered it being though," he added with a slight chuckle. "I do seem to recall your previous attempts used to leave me considering in advance whether we had any possible remedies for food poisoning in the house just in case."

"Oi," Sam replied indignantly but with a wry smile. "I was never that bad," she continued before pausing. "Or maybe I was, but I had to learn sometime right?"

"Well it was either that or you were using tonight to try and bump us both off," Dylan countered, pushing his luck as far as he knew she could take it but remembering as he did all the times they had been as playful as this in the past. He was certain that his wife had been the only person who had ever really seen this side of him and it had been her ability to look past all the serious situations they found themselves dealing with both professionally and personally but still cause him to raise a smile that had attracted him to her in the first place.

"Don't think I didn't consider it," she retorted before picking up the pillow from her side of the bed. "And if you're rude about my cooking again, don't think I won't use this against you," she explained, waving the cushion in his face before yawning again and curling herself up against the softness of the pillow she had just placed in front of her, allowing her eyes to drift closed as she did so. "Ow," she shrieked as Dylan poked her side with his finger. "Did you really have to do that? I was getting quite comfortable here thank you very much."

"Firstly you seem to have forgotten that you don't sleep here," Dylan interjected, sensing her annoyance but trying to resolve the situation regardless. "And secondly you can't sleep here because I cannot guarantee there won't be a repetition of earlier on," he justified, recalling to mind once again the abject humiliation he had felt on discovering that due to his catheter issues he had urinated on his bed clothes.

"Firstly," Sam responded mimicking his tone and forcing one eye to open to stare at her husband. "You and her left the kitchen and living room in a mess, so if you want me to sleep out there you need to hire a cleaner," she continued sarcastically. "Secondly, I don't care about any of that Dylan, I know you were embarrassed but this is me and you remember? You don't need to feel like that with me," she added. "And thirdly, I hated that sofa when you bought it in the first place so if you think I am going to continue sleeping there you have another thing coming. You can come up with an alternative tomorrow if you want to, but right now I am staying put," she concluded, knowing full well that whatever her husband thought he was in no physical state to kick her out of the bed.

"Well this isn't the most satisfactory solution," Dylan snapped back harshly, before he glanced back over at the drowsy woman collapsed in a heap next to him. "But if you are going to stay there then at least get under the blasted blanket. I do not want you freezing to death when there is a perfectly good quilt underneath you," he added, watching with amusement as the apparently half asleep woman suddenly jumped up alert to get under the covers. "Just to warn you though, if you think I am sleeping with the light on you have another thing coming. Some of us actually need darkness to get a good night of rest."

"Mmmm," Sam murmured from beside him as he reached across to turn off the lamp switch. The room descended into total blackness instantaneously and Dylan settled himself back into the semi-seated position that seemed to best suit his current array of injuries in terms of pain management and comfort, before he felt the flicker of his wife's fingers against the skin of his arm under the duvet. In all the time had known her he could count on his fingers the number of times she had managed to sleep a straight night through in the pitch dark but on each of those occasions when it had been thrust upon them she had only managed to soothe herself off to sleep by being able to feel his presence beside her. The familiar feel of her touch on his arm and having her so close was so incredibly difficult to bear, given how far apart they had drifted in the fourteen months they had separated, yet as he lay there staring silently at the ceiling willing sleep to come he knew that somehow it was the only thing that made sense. He could only hope that regardless of what plans they made in the morning Zoe never found out about this particular sleeping arrangement, as he very much doubted she would be capable of understanding the feeling it conveyed.

In the bed beside her husband Sam opened her eyes and chewed down on her lip at the all-consuming darkness she was faced with. That Dylan had not flinched at her touch brought a slight smile to her face, in that it was apparent he too remembered the night they had spent so very close together after the storm triggered power cut had forced her to face her very real fear of falling asleep in the dark. However that he now appeared to be falling sleep with her lying so nearby was confusing nonetheless, as although it was she in her slightly tipsy state that had initiated this chain of events the reality of being so close to her husband yet to incredibly far away was killing her.

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><p><strong>So as ever thank you for reading and reviews are always welcome. I will update as soon as I can. Callie x<strong>


	17. Chapter 16

**Thank you very much to everyone who read the last part, especially to Rachel and Freya for reviewing. I am glad people are enjoying this fic and your support is much appreciated. This update is dedicated to the lovely Meggi, plus Ficmouse and Anny for our wonderful middle of the night conversations plotting fanfic ideas until the early hours - what would I do without you? Oh and also for Freya, thank you for your message and I hope you feel better soon!**

**So here is chapter 16, I hope you enjoy. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 16**

Friday 9th March 2012

Sam glanced up at the ticking clock that was emitting the only noise in the otherwise silent room before turning her gaze to her wordless husband sitting motionless on the chair beside her. She knew him well enough to know that whilst his face was utterly expressionless the tension in his hands as he clasped his fingers tightly into his palms indicated the level of shock and distress he was feeling. The consultant had left the room almost immediately after informing them that due to Dylan's scan results the operation was likely to be delayed for up to three months in order to give his shattered body a chance to heal substantially before they rectified the damage caused by his injuries, meaning that whilst she knew his broken bones would soon begin to repair themselves encased in plaster, he would have to learn to deal with his internal wounds for quite some time still to come. The consultant had been a different one to any of those she had previously spoken to over Dylan's care and whilst Nick had confirmed for her that this particular doctor was one of the best in his field, Sam couldn't help but think that her husband must be considered one of the most difficult patients in Holby given that no medical practitioner seemed to want to deal with him more than once.

"You will be called back before the operation date," Dylan stated matter-of-factly. "Although I should be able to self-catheterise by then, so I won't need you," he added bluntly, recognising the coldness in his own tone as he took out his disappointment over his current medical state on his young wife but also reflected on the enormity of the task he had actually asked her to complete when he had indicated he had wanted her to stay by his side in the first place.

"The army will just have to wait," Sam replied without hesitation, triggering him to look her directly in the eye as she vocalised that thought by making it sound the most obvious thing in the world. "I said I would stay until you were back to full physical fitness and I meant it, I'm not going anywhere," she continued, reaching out to squeeze his hand with her own. "Not until you ask me to leave anyway. We might be separated, but I'm still your wife and the promises I made still stand, I already told you that."

Dylan briefly looked down to where Samantha's hand was still firmly attached to his own before returning to stare at her face intently. He watched as her cheeks reddened slightly as he failed to turn his gaze away and moved to link his fingers in with her own, remembering as he did so how comfortably familiar the feel of her skin had been against his body when he had awoken beside her that morning, as she had slept in the exact same position she always had done when they were together with one hand gripped around his arm and her other locked into his own, fingers clasped together so tightly as if she had been scared he may not be there when she reopened her eyes. Dylan pondered momentarily on that thought, as if anything that had been one thing she had no cause to worry about the previous night given that he would have been unlikely to be able to leave the bed itself, never mind make his way off the boat, given his current state of health and yet his wife had never once broken her grasp even whilst she slept so soundly. It had continued to be a source of bemusement to him that a couple as private and against public displays of affection as the two of them spent their moments alone wrapped so tightly together, especially as he had never been that intimately close with anyone before or since, but Samantha appeared to have a need to remain attached to him like superglue in spite of her outward displays of confidence.

"Mr and Mrs Keogh," the consultant stated as he barrelled back through the door of the small examination room and caused them both to jump, although surprisingly to Sam her husband continued to hold onto her hand as if his life depended on it. "Apologies that I was away so long, but here is the paperwork I was referring to," he justified, thrusting the patient leaflet towards Dylan much to his obvious annoyance.

"It's Dr Keogh," Sam heard her husband state bluntly, refusing to reach his hand out to take the offered sheet of paper and instinctively she instead found herself taking it from the disgruntled looking man who was seating himself across them desk from them and shooting him a thankful look despite knowing the documentation would be a simple irrelevance to them both.

"Of course," the doctor responded apologetically. "Now, due to the delay in scheduling your procedure we will need to review alternative catheterisation options, as I am sure you are aware with your medical knowledge that the current arrangements are not best suited to a longer term plan," he explained, but received no acknowledgement to his words from Dylan other than a dismissive glare. "Have there been issues with the catheter since its insertion?"

"No, none at all," he replied brusquely, causing Sam to snap her head round to stare at him disbelievingly at the blatant untruth he had just spoken due to the difficulties they had encountered the previous day that had warranted them dealing with such a mutually embarrassing situation as her having to clean him up in the bathroom before washing his drenched bedclothes.

"Mrs Keogh?" the consultant questioned, drawing her from her thoughts. "Did you have something you wanted to add?"

"No, nothing at all," Sam answered and almost mirrored her husband earlier words, as she felt that despite what he had said she had no real choice but to confirm Dylan's ascertain so that she did not create an unpleasant scene. If she had not had the medical knowledge and experience to deal with the situation that had occurred only twenty four hours previously she knew that she would have said something but the grouchy expression on her husband's face indicated to her that he was unlikely to appreciate any intervention she chose to make at this time. "There is one thing," Sam stated, taking a deep breath as she felt her husband's fingers tighten around her own as a warning signal. "Dylan is concerned about whether the injuries he has sustained will impact on his ability to have children," she ended almost as curtly as her husband usually spoke, feeling him tense up beside her as he obviously realised exactly what subject she had taken the conversation onto.

"Dr Keogh," the consultant responded. "And Mrs Keogh, I cannot give you any absolute certainties at the present moment unfortunately but I am sure that you would understand that. However I don't doubt that there will be a close to full recovery in these circumstances and therefore as long as the two of you are not discussing having a child together in the next six to twelve months I do not anticipate that you will have any difficulties conceiving due to these injuries," he described, his tone reassuring.

"Well actually," Sam started to say in an attempt to clarify that it was not actually her that Dylan would want to have a child with in the first place.

"Thank you," Dylan stated simply in reply. "That is much appreciated," he finished, causing Sam to stare at him in confusion at the fact that he had not only failed to correct the other man's assumption but also that he had seemed nothing but relieved to hear the consultant's positive response.

Mere minutes later Sam walked alongside her husband, supporting Dylan as they made the incredibly slow journey from the ward towards the E.D. at his insistence, despite him having seemed concerned before that point at any of his colleagues witnessing his current poor state of health. His stubborn refusal to use the provided wheelchair since they had left the confines of the boat that morning had not exactly been unexpected in her eyes, but he was still incredibly unsteady on his feet and therefore Sam knew she was likely to spend the majority of the next few weeks stressing about the possibility of him tripping over himself and aggravating his injuries even further.

"He kept referring to you as Mrs Keogh," Dylan stated aloud as he recalled what it had felt like to once again hear that name. "It felt oddly familiar."

"Well it is still my name, technically at least," Sam answered with a shy smile.

"Yes, but even back when we were married you rarely used it," he countered smartly.

"It wasn't that I didn't want to," she retorted. "You know that it was never about that. The complication of us working together was strange enough sometimes, it would have been even weirder if we had both been called Dr Keogh," she continued, remembering the short periods they had been based together in the same department in the past. "Besides," she added with a smirk. "There could only ever be one Dr Keogh, two would have been far too confusing and the one I know is pretty unique."

"There is that," Dylan remarked, pausing slightly as the strain of walking on crutches began to take its toll on him before he continued at a snail's pace down the never-ending corridor. "But Keogh always did suit you well."

"Perhaps," Sam acknowledged, shrugging her shoulders slightly. "It was odd that your consultant thought I meant we would be having a baby together," she explained, knowing that she was likely to be heading into somewhat dangerous territory for the usually unemotional man. "Not that I actually knew you even wanted a child until yesterday."

"He wasn't an idiot Samantha," Dylan replied curtly. "You were holding my hand, so unless the man had already known of our marital status, what exactly were you anticipating he thought when you put forward that question?" he asked her tersely. "Not that I gave you permission to raise such a topic in the first place that is," he added shortly, before his facial expression softened on seeing her chew on her lower lip. "It was irresponsible of us not to have had that conversation before we got married and that is as much my fault as it is yours. However I did think you would want children one day," he concluded with a look of confusion etched across his features.

"I did," Sam replied instantly. "I do," she added in clarification. "But even if we had talked about it there was never a right time with everything else that was going on," she continued sadly, remembering the chaos that their lives had spun into in the short time they had been together. "Can you imagine what damage we would have done to a child Dylan? Neither of us was in a strong enough place to actually take care of one, it would never have worked."

Dylan stumbled slightly as she finished her sentence and Sam found herself reaching out to place her hands on his shoulders to steady him and keep him upright. With him held so tightly in her grasp she felt a weird feeling overtake her as he glanced in her direction, thoughts of their baby related conversation still obviously on both of their minds as her touch against his body felt charged with electricity. The intensity of the stare they shared in that moment burnt against her eyes and forced her to look away, her cheeks reddening dramatically she was sure as she tried to work out quite what it was that her husband had been implying with his gaze.

Dylan began to once again move forward, having appeared to have regained his precarious balance and Sam started to walk slowly beside him, her stare focused straight onto the ground in front of them as she failed to look up and acknowledge the unspoken tension that now seemed self-evident between her and her former husband.

"Nick has offered me a job," she said quickly, changing the subject and trying to cover the emotion in her tone. "Not covering for you or anything, I'm nowhere near qualified enough for that, but he said the E.D. is short staffed and they could do with some locum help."

"When did he ask you that?" Dylan questioned, turning his head to look at the hunched over form of his wife with interest as it dawned on him that his Clinical Lead and ex-partner had inexplicably grown very close in the past few days.

"Last time I spoke to him," she replied non-committedly, forcing Dylan to consider whether that was the type of answer that it was more usual he gave than was on the receiving end of.

"And what was your answer?" he asked again, wondering quite why Samantha seemed to be having so much difficulty discussing her interaction with Mr Jordan with him.

"I didn't really give him one yet," she finally replied after a few seconds of silence. "I wasn't exactly sure what you would think of the idea, especially as I would be working with your colleagues and I didn't think you'd be particularly keen on me taking over your life again," she concluded with a sadness that Dylan found surprising.

"Don't be ridiculous Samantha," he answered with a snort. "I've already asked Zoe to talk to Mr Jordan about the very same subject I'll have you know."

"Really?" Sam queried incredulously, using if Dylan recalled a similar tone to that Dr Hanna had when she had responded to his same point. "I bet she was pleased," she added with more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Are you sure you don't mind? I mean people are really going to talk about us if I am right in their face every day."

"I think it would be a necessary distraction for you," he responded with good humour. "Especially if I want to still be alive at the end of this."

"What do you mean?" she snapped slightly in consternation with a frown across her face.

"I'm not exactly known for my happy mood, am I?" Dylan queried, causing Sam to shake her head slowly in reply. "So the idea of the two of us trapped all day, every day for another three months or so aboard the boat would be hellish, well for you at least," he elaborated. "I know I've been getting on your nerves about things already and after a few more weeks of catheterisation I don't doubt I will be far worse," he continued. "I am pretty sure you could craft a defence of me driving you to the brink of insanity if you decided to bump me off, so regardless of the gossiping women downstairs I would rather you could work," he stated before pausing. "Besides I won't be there to witness what they are saying and you need to keep your skills up to date if you're determined to head back out to Afghanistan after all this."

"It's alright grumpy," Sam responded, touching his arm reassuringly as they reached the lift and she pushed the button to summons it to take them down to the department she would soon be joining it seemed. "You've not been that bad so far, I promise, and I will try not to throttle you unless you deserve it," she added as the lift doors pinged open and she helped him to manoeuvre himself inside. "I guess there is another positive too," she added, acknowledging the sense of dread that filled her stomach as she thought about it. "If we get the shift pattern sorted out well enough, it should give you much more time alone to spend with Zoe."

The lift doors opened again and the noise of the busy E.D. that was usually the place Dylan spent the majority of his time filled his ears. In comparison to the quiet side room he had been provided with upstairs and the comforting isolation he, Sam and Dervla had spent a significant amount of time in the last few days, the sound was close to overwhelming. He allowed his ex-wife to guide him towards the staffroom where he could see Zoe standing talking with Mr Jordan in the doorway and tried to ignore that his entire colleague group was standing watching him from the centre of cubicles as they walked through, the first time he had borne witness to them seeing Samantha present by his side as he had not been conscious throughout their earlier spell in resus eight days before.

"Three months," Sam stated simply as the two of them arrived close enough to the talking doctors for Dr Hanna and Nick to hear her speak. "The operation might not be scheduled for another three months."

"Right," Nick responded instantly, recognising the disappointment that crossed Zoe's face in the intervening wordless moments but unsure whether this was due to her concern over Dylan's state of health or the likely outcome that the younger woman would therefore be staying put for the foreseeable future. "You did think that there might be a delay, didn't you? Why don't you come in here for a moment and sit down."

Dylan and Sam moved slowly past Nick and Zoe in the doorway before the four of them came to stand by the comfortable chairs in one corner of the staffroom, with Sam gradually lowering her husband down so that he could be seated rather than remain standing before the other three people present joined him on the chairs, Zoe sitting herself somewhat closer to Dylan than she would have done usually but trying to regain some sense of her position in this situation.

"I came to tell you that I am in agreement for Samantha to commence work in the department," Dylan explained breaking the silence of the room and speaking directly towards his Clinical Lead, but noticing the slightly guilty look that passed across Zoe's face as he did so and realising she had not thought to mention his suggestion to their boss in the first place. He was aware that seeing Mr Jordan to make this suggestion had been the only reason he had been willing to brave the stares of his E.D. colleagues in the first place but given he was now aware his boss had already put forward the idea anyway it had felt like the perfect opportunity to make the necessary arrangements. "I do think that I may require her services full time for perhaps another week as I am still somewhat unsteady on my feet as I am sure she will testify," he added reluctantly.

"I would probably need a week to get the paperwork sorted anyway," Nick responded, happy at the thought of getting his own way and having the young woman become part of his team. "Should we say a week on Monday perhaps?"

"Hello?" Sam interjected, making her presence in the room felt to the two men who she had noticed were discussing her without even acknowledging her right to have an opinion on events. "I'm not that keen on people making decisions for me, so it would be good to be included in the plans," she continued. "However next Monday sounds fine by me if it works for you," she ended, staring at first her husband and then Nick and trying to ignore Zoe's glare drilling a whole through her head.

"So how is this going to work then?" Zoe interrupted proceedings, feeling rather annoyed that despite her failing to mention Dylan's master plan idea of the night before to Nick it appeared that he had already offered Sam a job in the department regardless, even though he had failed to consult her over doing so. "I thought you needed round the clock care? That's why Sam is staying in the first place?" she questioned, making the point that if Dylan would soon be able to manage for periods without the girl it seemed a little pointless that she stayed at all.

"I'm sure Dylan will fill you in properly," Sam started hesitantly, noting the irritation in Zoe's voice as she had spoken. "But from what we have been told, his broken bones are healing well, so he should be able to get about a bit easier soon enough. However he will still need help with things, um, like washing and getting dressed, and the catheter, and stuff," she continued, shutting her eyes momentarily and shaking her head as she did so upon realising that all of the things she had just cited were intimate and personal experiences that would require her to be in close proximity to a semi-dressed Dylan and therefore were unlikely to reassure the other woman that her intentions were innocent in the circumstances.

"I was going to suggest that for part of the week at least the two of you work on opposing shifts," Nick put forward, trying to dampen some of the uncomfortable feeling that he could sense between the two women he cared about so much. "That way if you two want to spend some time together," he continued, gesturing towards Dylan and Zoe. "You can make arrangements for when Sam is at work, so you could have the whole day together or something. Anyway, Sam, why don't I take you round and give you the guided tour and we can leave these two to have a chat. I'm sure Dylan you need some time to update Zoe on exactly what was said in your consultation before you leave."

"Quite," Dr Keogh responded tersely as he watched his Clinical Lead beckon his ex-wife from the room, his hand touching her shoulder as he guided her out into the department.

"Well that was tense," Nick stated with a wry smile, pulling Sam back round to face him as soon as they were out of sight of the view from the staffroom window. Without speaking the younger woman leant into him and pressed her forehead onto his chest so he drew his arms around her back and held her close, offering her reassurance that he would stay by her side if she ever needed him.

"I don't know if I can do this," Sam's muffled voice came from below where he had come to rest his chin atop her head and he felt the warmth of her breath as she spoke blow through his shirt. "The consultant thought we were together, he kept calling me Mrs Keogh," she added, recalling how that name had once made her smile like no other words could but now caused her heart to break at how badly she had screwed up the chance to be the wife of such an incredible man.

"That must have been difficult to hear," Nick said kindly, removing his arms and pushing her away from him slightly so that he could hold her at arms-length and study her face. "But however hard it is, and believe me I know that this isn't easy for you, I can see how much you want to make it work. Starting work here is going to help, it will give you some space to do your own thing and have a focus," he continued. "Plus, quite selfishly, I like having you around and they aren't a bad bunch here. You've already met Lenny and Linda, and a few of the others, and once they have stopped finding it quite so strange that Dr Keogh was married, I'm sure you are going to get on with them really well," he concluded, rubbing her arm and being pleased to see the smile he got in response.

"If you can't see that, then seriously there is no hope for you," Linda stated, triggering Tom and Lenny to roll their eyes in mock annoyance at the Liverpudlian nurse as they watched their Clinical Lead and his new friend from across cubicles. "Look how close they are standing next to each other and how Jordan keeps grabbing at her arm," she commented, pointing out all the possible hints of a relationship she could see evolving in front of her eyes.

"She's been through a rough time," Lenny replied without real thought, as although he was as intrigued as his new girlfriend by the young woman's connection with both Dr Keogh and Mr Jordan, he knew that he was already in far too much trouble with the latter to allow himself to get too involved in gossiping over the man's personal life. "He's probably just offering her a shoulder to cry on, I mean she came to see her husband and instead finds he is dating someone else, that would be a little difficult for anyone."

"There is more to it than that, there has to be," Linda answered, her voice conspiratorial as she leant forwards to speak in hushed tones to the two male doctors. "Given the scandal from when she got together with Dr Keogh it's pretty obvious she has a weakness for older males, especially senior doctors and yet you think there is nothing going on there?" she questioned, pointing directly across to where the young woman was giggling at something Mr Jordan had already said before the pair turned to head over in their direction, the Clinical Lead calling E.D. staff over to where they were standing and causing the three of them to busy themselves with paperwork in an effort to appear to be working when he arrived.

"I'm not saying anything is going on," Tom replied to Linda's earlier words in a whisper. "But if there was, I'd hardly blame him. I mean, look at her," he added, glancing up in her direction. "You'd hardly turn that down would you? What someone like her ever saw in grouchy Dr Keogh I have no clue, but if she wasn't his ex-wife I'd be interested, wouldn't you?" he queried, causing Lenny to grin back at him in agreement before he was subjected to Linda batting him on the arm in annoyance at her partner ogling Dr Nicholls as she approached.

"Children, children," Nick called across to his junior doctors and Nurse Andrews as he reached the central desk with Sam by his side and they were instantly joined by the majority of the team. "Right, most of you have already met Dr Nicholls here, but for those of you that haven't Dr Nicholls is an experienced army medic, who has served tours in Afghanistan, but she has also been on secondment in several E.D.s back in the UK and therefore I am sure you are going to learn a lot from working alongside her, when she joins our team in about ten days' time," he explained, witnessing as he did the mixture of surprise and agreement that his staff group expressed in response to his announcement. "Obviously primarily Dr Nicholls is in Holby to take care of Dr Keogh until he is fully fit to return back to work with us again but in the meantime. I am sure I don't need to tell any of you to make her feel welcome here in the department."

"Thanks," Sam interjected, feeling fairly confident by his side despite the eyes of every member of her new team being upon her. "And it's Sam by the way. I'm looking forward to working here, Dylan has nothing but good things to say about this place," she added, vocalising the comment from an inference she had taken from the tone of her ex-husband's voice when he had spoken about work in the previous few days. She knew that regardless of his motives in wanting her out of the way to spend time with Dr Hanna, Dylan would never have suggested she work in his hospital if he had not felt it was an appropriate environment for her. Although she considered for a second, given that he had last seen her off into a warzone he may well believe that even the worst NHS placement would be somewhat more suitable for her than that.

"Dylan is ready to go," Zoe stated as she appeared beside Sam, who turned to see her husband standing motionless but balanced on his crutches across the space from where she stood. "I told him I will call tomorrow about coming round over the weekend. I'm sure you've got things to sort out, so I don't mind staying for a while if you need to go out."

"Thanks," Sam replied uncertainly, knowing that she had nowhere else to go regardless but unsure if Zoe's act was one of genuine kindness or of a more devious nature. She saw that Nick had been interrupted by a nurse showing him a scan so moved slightly back away from the crowd of people to hover and wait to say goodbye before she left with Dylan for the day.

"You're seriously not going to try and tell me nothing is going on now are you?" Linda cackled quietly in the direction of Lenny and Tom, but within earshot of Zoe who cocked her head slightly to better hear her friend speak. "Since when do people get given jobs that quick eh? She was Dylan's mentee before she started seeing him and now Jordan's protégé. You mark my words; if they aren't already together they will be within two weeks."

Zoe frowned at hearing the reference to the ever growing closeness between her ex-partner and her current partner's ex-wife as she watched Sam slowly walk back towards her former husband, because whilst she felt certain Nick had initially been maintaining nothing but a professional interest in Sam she knew from comments he had made that the two of them talked at least daily and had shared a drink in his office on more than one occasion. The girl seemed far too young for him to have a serious interest in romantically, but despite that she couldn't help but consider that like Dylan, Jordan was nothing but a red blooded male and the attentions of a young, attractive female may prove too difficult to resist now the girl was sticking around.

"Sam," Nick called out as he returned to the desk only to see his newest employee heading out towards the exit of the cubicle area having met Dr Keogh waiting for her to depart with him. "I meant to give you this back," he stated with a smile as she headed back in his direction and he made his way over to her, pulling a small fold up hairbrush from his jacket pocket as he did so. "I think you must have dropped it in the car last night," he suggested and Sam nodded in response, grateful to be reunited with the item and instinctively smiling at him.

"I'll call you tomorrow," she stated quietly, not wanting to be overheard. "Zoe's coming over so perhaps….."

"We'll have dinner or something, don't worry," Nick replied sympathetically. "A non-date date," he added.

"The best kind," Sam answered with a laugh. "I'd better go," she said, glancing back towards her husband. "People will talk and that would be too weird for words," she concluded with a mock sneer, allowing Nick to pat her on the shoulder before she ran back towards her husband and followed him slowly through the double doors that led to the exit, carefully preventing the heavy weight of the doors swinging back onto him as he walked through.

"He had her hairbrush?" Lenny questioned from across the room, glancing towards Linda and Tom with raised eyebrows. "When exactly were they in a position that meant she would leave her hairbrush behind?"

"I told you they were seeing each other," Linda replied with confidence, before stalking off across the room with her two male companions following close behind sharing thoughts on the apparent state of events.

From her position behind the nearby desk Zoe stood motionless and considered their words carefully, as if she had not been suspicious before that moment she was now. Yet whilst she knew it would solve her immediate problem if Sam was ensconced in a relationship with someone new, she felt nauseous at the thought of that person being Nick, especially as she considered Sam dating Zoe's own ex-partner may well be the young girl's warped way of making trouble and were only likely to draw Dylan's attention further back onto her just like it had been the night before.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, it means a lot and reviews make me smile, so if you press the lovely "review" button below that will make me very happy. <strong>

**Callie x**


	18. Chapter 17

**So apologies first of all that this has taken so long to post, I seem to have gotten out of the habit of writing these last two weeks but am finally back in the mood and therefore ready to write again. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last update, with extra special thanks to Anny, Meggi and Ficmouse for as ever being there at very random moments of the night when I am stressing myself out. Much appreciated as ever. Also thank you to everyone on twitter for chattering to me about this fic, makes me happy to know you are enjoying reading it.**

**So chapter 17, hope you enjoy.**

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 17**

Monday 19th March 2012

Sam stifled a yawn as she came out of resus and headed towards the relative sanity of cubicles. She knew that she would never be prepared to admit that one shift at what she had assumed was just a run of the mill local Emergency Department had tired her out this much, especially when she had jested to both Nick and Dylan on a number of occasions over the preceding week that the NHS was a breeze in comparison to her substantive role in Afghanistan. It had done her very few favours that her reputation as a tough army medic had been built up quite so much with her new team, as despite their support all Sam had left in her current situation was her pride in staying strong given the weirdness of the circumstances she had landed in with her ex-husband and therefore cracking under the pressure of caring for him and working full time was not even an option. It felt odd to recall all the times she had joked with her comrades back at Camp Bastian about them taking an easy option of a secondment back to a civilian hospital, when in fact it appeared that it was only distance from the stresses of a suburban E.D. that had lessened her expectations of quite how much work was involved.

Sam spotted Zoe talking to one of the nurses she had yet to learn the name of in the corner of cubicles as she approached the main desk and instinctively shook herself to ensure she woke up a bit. It wasn't that getting caught out by anyone feeling like hell wouldn't have been mortifying enough but if nothing else Sam was determined not to appear like a complete failure in front of the older woman who had captured her husband's heart. It had been for that reason that she had been up before dawn that morning to prepare everything that Dylan may need for the day ahead, his first spent alone since the accident. She had set out food, books, his laptop, bottled water and a flask of coffee on the table by the sofa, alongside his pain medication and the phone, so that whatever occurred he did not have to move if he had not felt up to it and she had phoned him on the hour, every hour, despite his obvious annoyance at such regular interruptions to the peace and quiet that she knew he had been craving since she gate-crashed his life less than three weeks before. From the one remark she had overheard Zoe making on the circumstances earlier on when they had been working alongside each other in resus, it had been clear that the other woman in Dylan's life had also been calling him to check on his welfare with almost as clockwork regularity and it was with the idea that the quality of her care for him may be questioned that Sam knew she would be up exactly the same time the following day to repeat the routine, if only to satisfy both her own and Dr Hanna's doubts that she was up to this particular task.

Sam reached the desk in the centre of cubicles and looked across the room to where a professional looking woman sat in a hospital bed accompanied by her young child, a little kid who was apparently as bored with being in hospital as Dylan had been in his own stay. The sight took Sam's mind back to the conversation she had last had with her husband over a week before, when he had raised the subject of having a child and whilst she knew it had hurt that he had never even considered having a baby with her when they had been together, she found herself having to accept that she would never have coped with the realities of having a child regardless. She recognised full well that she was barely managing to deal with the practicalities of caring for a grown man and start work, never mind a helpless new-born baby or demanding toddler, a mini version of its grumpy father for sure. If Dylan and Zoe wanted a child together then she was certain the other woman would cope with the situation far more admirably, in fact there was very little Sam figured the seemingly unflappable Dr Hanna would be unable to deal with more successfully than her.

"I won't tell anyone if you won't," Charlie stated conspiratorially as he appeared beside her and Sam shot her head round to look at him in confusion. "That you're tired out," he continued with a wry smile. "It's not as easy it seems is it?"

"Me? Tired?" Sam answered sarcastically, before pulling a face at the earnest expression of the senior nurse and wondering how he had seen through her quite so quickly. "It's not Helmand, I'll grant you that," she clarified, rubbing her eyes desperately to wake herself up a bit more.

"Give it a chance ok?" the man responded, patting her on the shoulder in an unexpected gesture and triggering Sam to nod in reply.

"Dr Nicholls?" a female voice came from behind her and she turned to see both Tess and Nurse Conway standing there, the younger woman clutching a patient file and staring at her intently. "Kate Brooke's test results are back," Scarlet explained and passed her the paperwork, which Sam accepted willingly before following the nurse out towards CDU.

"How do you think she is settling in?" Tess asked Charlie as they watched Dr Nicholls and Nurse Conway disappear through the double doors. "I'm not certain how she is going to deal with the day to day work; she seems a little too keen on excitement for my liking."

"Well she isn't Dylan that much is for sure," Charlie responded thoughtfully. "I like her, she definitely knows her stuff but I can't see her thriving in CDU or cubicles really and Nick can't keep her in resus the whole time, never mind her expertise."

"No," Tess acknowledged. "He hasn't done her any favours with the others letting her go on that shout earlier, not on her first day," she justified. "She might have been the first to volunteer but she will put everyone's noses firmly out of place if she keeps getting to do that. Did you see Dr Lyons' and Dr Kent's faces?"

"Did we see their faces about what?" Nick stated, interrupting them as he approached and noticing the glance that passed between the two senior nurses when he spoke.

"When Dr Nicholls went out on that shout with Dixie and Jeff earlier," Tess clarified. "Especially as it was her first day."

"I think it will do them good to have a bit of competition," Nick replied, meeting the nurse's stare with a telling one of his own. "They could do with shaking up a bit those two and besides Sam won't be here for long," he added, not seeing the problem with the decision he had made to allow her slightly preferential treatment over the two male junior doctors. "How is she getting on anyway? I've not seen much of her since she came back in."

"She's getting there," Charlie answered understandingly. "I think being back in an E.D. when she would rather be in a warzone might just take a few days to get used to, that's all. She definitely seems to know her stuff though, just perhaps a little rough around the edges," he elaborated, turning to Tess to seek her agreement with his assessment.

"I would say she needs to drop the slightly feisty attitude with patients and her colleagues," Nurse Bateman added witheringly. "However if she stops rubbing people up the wrong way then I have no doubt Dr Nicholls will fit right in."

The doors to the cubicle area burst open and a rather irate looking Sam reappeared through them, before storming back over to the desk and slamming her paperwork down in front of the three of them and Zoe who had also headed towards the gathering.

"How do you do this every day?" Sam stated angrily, annoyance seething through her veins. "I've seen boys younger than that girl blown up in front of my eyes stepping on an IED," she ranted to the group. "When I was in London I patched up kids who'd been shot or stabbed and had to deal with people who'd been smashed up in major accidents, and then you get girls like her," she continued, trying and barely managing to hold her temper. "This is an E.D. so why the hell am I dealing with spoilt little brats with twisted ankles and a bad attitude to match?" she questioned. "People like her are a complete waste of NHS resources."

"They are still patients though, just like all the rest," Zoe answered her dismissively as the two nurses silently excused themselves from the situation and left Mr Jordan to deal with the tension that had been apparent between the two women all day. "They all deserve treatment equally, whatever your personal view on their situation," she added, reaching an unsettling silent impasse with the argumentative younger woman.

"It's just not what you are used to," Nick interjected, patting Sam on the back. "Zoe's right though, everyone who comes through the doors gets our understanding and treatment regardless of our opinion on them," he continued slightly more sternly. "Remember that in a lot of cases like this one there is usually more to it than how the patient initially presents. Perhaps if you talk to the girl," he suggested. "Maybe there is a reason for the attitude and the fact that she is here, rather than at her GP. Bedside manner, Dr Nicholls, is the most valuable of skills."

"I think I failed that module," Sam retorted, knowing that her superior had hit a sore point. "I prefer my patients unconscious, they are far less complicated that way," she contemplated aloud, remembering that regardless of their inclinations for different types of cases, the key similarity she shared with Dylan was a preference for patients who did not require tears being mopped up or their complex personal circumstances being pulled apart in order to treat their medical conditions.

"You'll get there," Nick countered, before reaching out and grabbing her shoulders, turning her around and giving her a gentle push. "Now go back and deal with that girl," he added, placing the file she had slammed down moments beforehand into her hands. "Oh and Sam I want to see you before you go home," he called out after her as she left, causing her to spin round and smile back at him before she departed the room.

"If looks could kill," Charlie whispered to Tess from their vantage point across the cubicle area. "Zoe appears far from impressed by the situation."

"I just hope that this connection between him and Sam is more than him flattering his ego now that Zoe is in a committed relationship with Dr Keogh," Tess responded flatly, both the senior nurses silently accepting that the new young doctor may have gotten herself unwittingly caught up in the long outstanding ending of the relationship between Mr Jordan and Dr Hanna, whether or not that was on the mind of any of those concerned presently.

Sam had never been so grateful to see 6pm as she was on that particular day, as she watched the hands on the face of the clock in cubicles reach the milestone time and she hurriedly headed towards the staffroom, knowing from bitter experience of her one shift in Holby so far that if she stood still for long enough someone would appear with another half dozen minor injuries for her to look at. Even if she had not already been looking forward to getting back to the sanctity of the boat, the idea of staying in the E.D. any longer to treat what she knew she was harsh to term insignificant injuries was enough to send her scurrying to pick up her belongings and escape as quickly as she could. The shift had been enough to prove to her that her personality was far better suited to the regimented chaos of Afghanistan than it was Holby but despite that she knew she would be back again the following day, and the day after that.

It felt strangely unsettling to someone who was used to moving around quite so much as Sam had in recent years that there was something so welcoming about the E.D. she now found herself based at and she could understand completely how Dylan had, possibly initially against his better judgement, found himself sucked into working alongside this team. She pushed open the staffroom door and found herself instantly greeted by the younger staff contingent; all apparently as eager as she was to get out of work before another case dragged them back in.

"We're going out for drinks," the Liverpudlian voice of Linda came from across the room as Sam rustled through her locker. "Tom, Lenny and I," she continued, gesturing to the two men who Sam had found herself laughing with on more than one occasion that day. "You're more than welcome to join us," Nurse Andrews' added. "You both as well," she concluded, speaking directly to Scarlet and Lloyd who were chatting by the young nurse's locker.

"We can't, we already have plans," Lloyd answered sheepishly and Sam watched with interest as the remainder of those in the room raised their eyebrows at the suggestion of the other two possibly having more intimate plans of their own before Scarlet took Lloyd's hand and dragged him from the room, seemingly quite embarrassed by the whole situation.

"How about it then Sam?" Tom asked again after a momentary pause. "Save me being a gooseberry with these two all night," he explained with a grin, as Lenny reached over and smacked him good-humouredly on the arm for his comment.

"I would," Sam responded thoughtfully, "And I will, just not tonight. I've got things I need to get sorted," she added hastily, knowing that not only was she far too tired to appreciate the joys of anyone else's company that evening, she also needed to get back to Dylan and help him through his nightly routine of dressing changes and catheter maintenance. After the rollercoaster of experiences she had been through that day, Sam was certain that she would be grateful to get back to the familiarity of her husband's attitude towards her and more than anything, the lure of her duvet was incredibly appealing.

"So how is Dylan then?" Linda questioned and Sam found the eyes of all three present upon her once more. It was a query the woman had asked her in various formats over the period of the working day thus far and each time Sam had found a short answer that told her absolutely nothing in order to change the subject as best she could. She knew that Dylan was finding it difficult enough to cope with his own circumstances without the knowledge that his colleagues were gossiping about how he was dealing with the need for intimate personal care.

"He's fine," she replied hesitantly. "I think he'd like to be back on his feet, but he knows that will take a little time. We'll get there, but I can't be making plans to be out much at the moment, at least not until I have a routine better sorted out."

"How much do you talk when you've had a drink then?" Lenny asked and Sam found herself looking at him inquisitively. "She isn't going to shut up about this until she finds out more about you," he continued, causing Linda to glare at him indignantly. "And it's going to do my head in soon enough, but if you'll talk a bit more when you've had a few I'm going to have to drag you down the pub one night and let her interrogate you a bit just to get this over with."

"I'm not trying to pry," Linda answered sharply. "I'm just interested that's all, especially as I'm friendly with Zoe and I can see that this isn't an easy situation for anyone," she justified pointedly, but her face reddened slightly at it being implied she was just hunting for gossip about the love life of the doctors.

It's fine," Sam laughed, joining Tom and Lenny in their amusement at Linda's reaction and finding herself feeling happy in spite of the conversation topic that she appeared to be able to chat with these three and start making something akin to friendship, which not only had she been sadly lacking since her separation from Dylan but also was most likely the main reason Nick had offered her the job in the first place, to give her something else to focus on other than her husband and Zoe's relationship. "And for the record, I am more likely to talk when I am drunk and I will tell you all manner of stories, about the war and the things I've seen and done, but not Dylan, never Dylan," she added categorically and was pleased to see an acknowledgement of how seriously she meant this cross the faces of her new colleagues.

"Fair enough," Linda said, seemingly accepting that she would not be getting anything further in terms of gossip from her but with Sam knowing that as the woman was the one responsible for locating her wedding photo online back on only her second day in town Linda would be likely to try her luck again when Sam had settled in more. She was pretty certain from the little she had seen of Nurse Andrews in action so far that the woman would not be happy to remain unaware of the full story behind her marriage and separation, but given that only she and Dylan actually knew the real reasoning behind a great deal of it Sam was satisfied that Linda was going to have to remain playing private detective for the foreseeable future with little success.

"Perhaps Zoe could look after Dylan sometime, give you the night off?" Lenny queried.

"Dr Keogh does not need a babysitter Dr Lyons," Zoe stated sharply from the doorway, where she had appeared to collect her own belongings from the staffroom. "And I doubt very much he would appreciate you all discussing him," she added, glaring at Sam accusingly before approaching her locker.

"For the record, I wasn't discussing Dylan," Sam hissed at Zoe from her position almost beside her. "I had just pointed out that I couldn't join them for drinks after he had been home alone all day. That would hardly be fair would it?" she continued, matching Dr Hanna's unflinching stare with her own in a stubborn moment as neither woman wanted to be the first to look away.

"I'm not trying to make things difficult Sam, but this isn't easy for any of us," Zoe quietly insisted back, breaking her gaze and turning her attention instead to the contents of her locker. "However if you wait a week or so, I've agreed to change my shift pattern so I will be working almost opposite hours to you. Dylan should be able to get about more by then anyway, so if you want to do your own thing I'll be around to spend time with him."

"Right," Sam answered curtly, a sense of unease setting in. She knew that the idea of having time to herself and not being trapped in the confines of the boat should please her but the concept of her being usurped in Dylan's life by Zoe the moment he was a tiny bit more capable of fending for himself still hurt nonetheless. "I'll have a talk to him about how best we manage that then," she continued. "I don't want to make things difficult either but I said I would stay until he was better and that's more important than any socialising. Will we see you tonight?" she questioned. "Dylan didn't say if we had company for dinner or not?" she added, hoping that the answer would be a resounding no because after that shift she doubted that she was capable of awkwardly polite conversation with her ex-husband's partner across the dinner table.

"No," Dr Hanna replied without pause. "I thought you'd probably be tired after your first shift," she added pointedly, not wanting to acknowledge that she had actually offered to cook for Dylan as she had figured Sam may want to just sleep when she got in but had been brusquely told by the man himself that her presence would only seek to complicate things more than was necessary on her first day working alongside Samantha.

"Ah, here she is," Dixie's loud voice called across the staffroom and Sam turned to smile at the woman who had made her very welcome on her earlier call out to the scene of an accident. "The hero, or shall I say heroine, of the hour."

"It was nothing," Sam said, rolling her eyes but beaming inside at the compliment regardless.

"It wasn't nothing princess," Jeff stated as he entered the room behind his female colleague. "You did a good job out there today, we were very impressed. Cool as a cucumber under pressure this one," he said proudly, smiling at the young woman who had demonstrated a strength and determination in the face of the horrors of a crash scene only hours beforehand that he had rarely witnessed in an E.D. doctor. "Next time we need someone on a shout, we'll be asking for you don't worry," he added with a smile.

"Oi," Lenny called out from across the room. "I thought I was your favourite?" he asked with a mock-indignant expression and everyone in the room laughed, even Zoe in spite of herself.

"I think we have competition Lenny," Tom answered him with a grin and Sam feigned embarrassment at being considered a rival to her male colleagues. "Action Sam eh? We'll have to keep an eye on this one I think."

"I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of healthy competition," Nick Jordan stated, entering the room from behind them all and placing a box of doughnuts down on the table in the middle of the room. "And these are for all of you, in honour of Dr Nicholls' successfully completing her first shift," he added with a twinkle in his eye as he caught sight of Sam's smile.

"My favourites," she quickly responded, before reaching past Tom and grabbing two from the box. "One for me and one for grumpy back home," she explained hastily on seeing her colleagues' about to protest. "He still works here too remember," she finished, noticing that either her public reference to Dylan as "grumpy" or the use of the word home appeared to have irritated Zoe if the expression on her face was anything to go by and made a mental note not to repeat those potential faux pas again. "I'd better get going, I'll see you all tomorrow," she stated to the room. "You wanted to see me before I went?" she remembered, turning to face Nick before biting into one of the doughnuts and using her resulting free hand to grab her coat and shut her locker before she followed him from the room.

"I still want to know how she got out on a shout with you in the first place?" Linda queried the paramedics with a shake of the head at her lack of comprehension as to why that turn of events had taken place. "It was her first day and she barely knows any of our protocols, so why he chose her over everyone else is anyone's guess," she concluded with a tone that caused Dixie and Jeff to look at her bemused as to what she could possibly be implying about the girl they had gotten to know a little out in the field and the Clinical Lead. "What do you think Zoe?" Linda questioned in Dr Hanna's direction.

"I don't know what to think anymore," Zoe answered sharply, knowing that adding fuel to Linda's fire would never be a positive, especially when it was likely to come back to haunt her own relationship with Sam's ex-husband in the future, but also feeling distinctly unsettled by all the tiny gestures that indicated to her that Nick was a lot closer to this young doctor than he had been any of his colleagues, including her, for some considerable time.

Two hours later Sam was busying herself cleaning up the kitchen after eating the most basic of microwaveable meals with Dylan and found herself grateful that he had always known she was never going to be a domestic goddess so therefore was unlikely to be surprised by the lack of sophistication that would be evident in her meals now she was back at work. Cooking had always been a bit of an afterthought for her, even on a good day, but when she was tired even the act of having to prepare a meal was beyond her capabilities. She glanced over to where Dervla was tucking into her dinner from the bowl on the floor and instantly felt guilty at the lack of a walk the dog had gotten that night, but knew that she was far too tired to take her out now.

"I'm sorry you daft thing," Sam said, bending down and ruffling the coat of the ever present canine companion. "I promise I will get up early enough tomorrow to take you out ok?" she asked and felt vaguely reassured when the dog looked up at her for a moment before returning to its evening meal. "Me and grumpy are going to bed, alright? I'll see you in the morning," she added, before heading in the direction of the bedroom, turning the majority of the lights off with the exception of the kitchen one, thinking it best not to add insult to injury by plunging the canine into total darkness whilst she finished her own evening meal.

"You haven't said much about work," Dylan stated accusingly from the bed as she entered the room she had helped him manoeuvre towards after they had eaten.

"Are you going to pretend you are interested in the pleasantries of what your colleagues are up to?" Sam questioned bemusedly, desperately praying that he did not ask her how it was to work alongside Zoe Hanna. "Because we both know that isn't true."

"No of course not," Dylan retorted, thinking that that much was obvious, with the exception of one notable person from the E.D. but given how terse the relationship appeared between Samantha and Zoe, even he accepted that it was perhaps appropriate not to ask how that had been. "I thought you may have had some patients you wanted to discuss, interesting or complex symptom presentations and alike," he added, reminiscing about some of his own cases prior to the accident several weeks before.

"Typical Dr Keogh," Sam responded coolly. "Always more interested in the medical conditions than the people but no just a few twisted ankles and broken bones, nothing complicated at all," she elaborated, choosing to leave out the part where she had climbed into a smashed up vehicle on a shout to administer pain medication to an elderly man before working with the paramedics to keep his heart going for long enough to get him into resus and stabilised. Dylan had always had an attitude about her willingness to put herself at risk to get a result and whilst she would freely admit that on the majority of occasions this had been to provoke a reaction from him, however unconsciously at the time, even she had realised the recklessness of her behaviour when she had been trapped in the vehicle as they cut the man free and found herself contemplating Dylan's fate if she too were to become injured at that moment. "Anyway, you haven't said much about your day either. I'm assuming everything was okay?"

"I'm not a child Samantha," Dylan answered curtly, before softening his expression somewhat at seeing a flash of anguish cross her face at his tone. "It was fine, highly uneventful. In fact I had a rather productive afternoon reading about the new diagnostic criteria for haemorrhagic strokes."

"Sounds fascinating," Sam responded with a roll of her eyes, remembering the days when she would come home from a run or training at the gym to find her husband incredibly animated about some piece of ground breaking research. She guessed that no more than a handful of people had ever seen him quite so expressive, but it had always impressed her how seriously he took his continued studying of emergency medicine. "Just so long as you were okay, that you coped without me. I mean if you need me to stay at home with you instead, I can do."

"I've had no choice but to cope without you for the last year, so I don't doubt that I am more than able to manage a few hours by myself whatever my injuries," Dylan replied, realising only when his wife grabbed her pyjamas from their resting place atop the chest of drawers and stormed into the bathroom that he may have made that sound far too harsh than his original intention. He remained focused on the closed door as he listened to her running the tap before wondering momentarily quite how much of his marital life with Samantha had been spent with her on the other side of a closed door, either with him shutting her out of his study or with her shutting him out of their room.

It was only minutes later that she returned silently and it was clear for even someone as emotionally closed off as Dylan knew he was that she had been crying, something he cursed himself for making happen.

"I need to check your catheter," Sam stated simply, refusing to make eye contact and instead lifting up the blanket that covered him. "Don't even think about protesting Dylan," she continued before he could speak. "This was the deal, I would go back to work but you would continue to let me do all the tasks the hospital said someone else needed to do for you," she concluded sadly, before she pulled his pyjama bottoms down enough to make the required checks to the bag, catheter and dressing.

"I didn't mean what I said," Dylan spoke as he tried not to focus on what her hands were doing and where her gaze was falling, squirming as he found the whole situation most uncomfortable. "It's just beginning to annoy me that I can't do very much for myself and whilst I coped fine in your absence and there were no disasters, I couldn't come and go as I pleased," he explained slowly. "You always said I worked best when I had my independence and own personal space," he stated, reminding himself of a time when Samantha had used very similar words to justify their separation at a point when he knew she had needed him the most. "It is frustrating to not be able to do anything when you aren't around, I just feel incredibly useless that I couldn't even stand long enough to help you microwave a meal when you are the one who has been at work all day."

"That's why I'm here Dylan," Sam answered, glancing up at him as she finished her task with clinical methodology and helped him redress himself before moving so he could bring the blanket back up around him. "I know this is difficult for you, but I could do without being snapped at especially today."

"Understood," he replied, hoping she would see this as the apology it was meant as. "You sleeping here tonight? You're more than welcome to; I mean you must be exhausted."

"Why?" Sam said with a laugh. "I mean we all know that I would work far harder in one hour in Afghanistan than I did today, the NHS is a positive breeze in comparison," she continued, knowing that this was a debate they had continued to have since her very first day as an army medic when she had attempted to describe to her husband how there really were different kinds of tiredness and that whilst she was not saying his job was easy, her new role had brought an alternative type of exhaustion with it. Sam stood up and for a brief moment considered heading back into the lounge to sleep before thinking better of it and taking up the offer of another night on the comfortable bed. Since that first time where she had tipsily crashed out beside him, she had spent every night lying next to him and whilst she was certain this was not a habit she should be developing she could not find the strength to break it, even knowing that if Zoe got hint of it her life would quickly get complicated.

Dylan watched as his wife appeared to dither over his offer before she clambered under the quilt next to him and he felt the reassuring warmth of her presence across the mattress. As she settled into her usual sleeping position curled up by his side he instinctively reached out to turn off the lamp on the cabinet beside his bed and was surprised when the all-encompassing darkness that he was anticipating failed to materialise, with light streaming through from the kitchen.

"Dervla wanted the light on," Sam whispered quietly. "And so do I, so you're outvoted tonight grumpy," she continued, placing her hand on his arm and snuggling herself down into the now familiar bed, knowing that she was so tired she would sleep well that night but feeling slightly victorious about the lack of complete darkness in the room regardless. She quickly closed her eyes and almost immediately she could feel herself drifting off into a welcome sleep.

Dylan lay awake trying, but failing, to summons up enough enthusiasm to wake his peacefully sleeping wife and order her to turn off the light, not believing for one minute that his obedient canine had been party to any decision to keep half the boat illuminated whilst he was trying to sleep. Despite the early hour he had been expecting Samantha to sleep easily that night, recognising how very tired she would be from her incredibly early start to help him prepare for his first day alone and then a shift in the oddly manic world of Holby City E.D. but he had not anticipated that he would be struggling this much himself to fall asleep beside her. Their very first night together had started off innocently enough, but the more time he spent sharing a bed with her the more frustrated he found himself becoming at how close they were yet how distant at the same time. He felt Sam's fingers wonder across his arm as she reached out across his chest, just as she always had done in their marital bed and in spite of his obvious injury he could feel something inside him stirring at how her touch was making him feel. Dylan tipped his head back, bit down on his lip and prepared for another excruciating night when his mind would not be prepared to switch off from thinking back to the years they had shared together, wrapped this close and exactly what he would do if he was physically capable of acting upon these feelings now. In fact all he wanted was a cold shower, like those he had been required to take in the weeks subsequent to his separation from the woman who had then and now dominated his mind. However that he would need her help to have any shower at all, just like he needed her help to carry out intimate examinations of a part of him that it was beginning to get incredibly difficult to allow her near, just made what was unready an agonizing situation even more unbearable.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed, please review and let me know what you think - mainly because that makes me happy! <strong>

**The next part of this and To Look Out For You will be up in the week. Callie x**


	19. Chapter 18

**Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed the last chapter, your comments always make me smile and it makes me happy people are enjoying this fic as much as I like writing it. Anyway, special dedications to Meggi, Anny and Ficmouse for keeping me company this week when I have not been feeling great, much appreciated as always!**

**So here is chapter 18, hope you enjoy it. **

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><p><strong>For better, for worse<strong>

**Chapter 18**

Friday 13th April 2012

Sam walked back along the path to the boat enjoying the feel of the early morning sunshine on her skin as she headed home from work after another night shift. Working the graveyard slot in the first few hours of a Friday the 13th had been much more laid back surprisingly than any other night she had worked, causing her to assess that the majority of E.D. timewasters and drunkards were a lot more superstitious than she was and had stayed in a place of relative safety to avoid traumatic and horrendous accidents. The fact that it had been quiet had turned out not to be the godsend she had originally anticipated it would be however, as the lack of action had meant her mind had been given more than enough time to contemplate why she was not asleep at such a ridiculous hour and consequently she was therefore far more tired than would normally be expected, having spent the last couple of hours fighting to keep herself awake.

She had also found herself wishing for a major incident, which she knew was incredibly warped but the minimal number of patients they had actually been landed with in the twelve hours she had been there would barely have taxed a medical students brain. Sam was pretty sure she had taken on Nick's advice and started to develop her bedside manner with the minor cases, but some of the insignificant injuries they all had to deal with were just mind numbingly boring and she was still far more keen on being in the thick of things in resus than she was in Dylan's apparent favoured haunt of CDU dealing with non-trauma cases, although she could fully understand the appeal for him of playing Sherlock Holmes with the intriguing mix of symptoms some of the stranger cases presented with.

The only bonus that she had taken from the lack of patients had been that she had gotten a quick exit at the end of her shift, something she had not seemed able to do on any day since her very first working in Holby. It had quickly become normality for her to work an extra hour at the end of most stints, meaning that her days were fast becoming longer, especially when she took into account the cooking, cleaning and caring she was doing for Dylan before she left and when she got in. Sam had become more than a little aware over the past four weeks quite how difficult working parents or carers must find it to manage with even the most simple day to day tasks for themselves, as she barely had the time to breathe never mind actually have a life between her working pattern, sleeping and taking care of her husband.

As she approached the boat she remembered how bizarrely relieved she had been the previous day when Dylan had informed her Zoe was coming over for dinner but was bringing take-away with her. Whilst she still held a resentment towards her older female colleague, in that one moment the fact that she was removing from her the need to cook or settle Dylan for the night before her departure for work had positively made Sam want to hug the woman the moment she arrived, although she had managed to refrain from doing so. The two of them had now been successfully working opposing shifts for pretty much the last fortnight, which had done a great deal to remove the latent animosity that had developed between them from their first shared shift, but had also added its own unintended complications.

Sam recalled how on the majority of the occasions she was back at the boat, Dylan was now fast asleep with his body clock having quickly adjusted to Zoe's altered shift pattern so that the two of them could spend quality time together, something that Sam knew she had initially been the one to insist would be a positive step. However whilst it pleased her that the couple were appearing to be working through the issues that had plagued them post Dylan's accident, it was beginning to grate on her that she had once again regressed from being her husband's confidante to be nothing more than the housekeeper and carer she initially signed up to be back in early March. Sam was fully aware that this should not be bothering her as much as it was, but Dylan's choice to work around Zoe's life rather than hers had felt like yet another nail in the coffin of their already dead marriage. It was thoughts like that which had prompted her to visit a solicitor to discuss her options, something she had yet to inform Dylan of and whilst the last thing she wanted to do was to add to the difficult reality he currently faced she knew that for the sake of her own sanity if nothing else, they could not continue as they were. Sam recalled just how much it stung on the days she had woken up beside him to feel his warmth against her skin only to hear him arranging plans with his new partner on the phone mere hours later. It was on days like those that she wondered why she still stayed, knowing that her husband was now growing more mobile by the day and would have the capability to deal with his own outstanding injuries soon enough if she chose to walk away. However despite her nagging doubts over the need for her to remain by his side, Sam knew wholeheartedly that there was no chance she would be able to convince herself that walking away was a better option, no matter how much it was hurting her to stay,

She wrestled her key from her bag and let herself into the boat, careful to remain quiet to avoid waking her sleeping husband and once again felt that strange sensation wash over her of being an intruder in the place she had begun to refer to as her home. That she could share Dylan's bed every day, care for him intimately and support him through every hospital consultation but still feel like she was on the outside looking in was unsettling to say the least, but Sam had accepted that in order to survive the situation in tact she just had to allow these odd thoughts to wash over her so she yet again dismissed it from her mind.

"Hello darling," she whispered, squatting down to greet the dog who had barrelled towards her as soon as she entered the boat. "I know I owe you a walk, so I am just going to check on grumpy and then we'll go," she added more chirpily, feeling more herself now that she was back with her familiar canine companion. Sam dropped her bag on the floor and headed towards the short hallway that led to Dylan's room, before gingerly pushing down the handle and opening the door quietly so that she would not disturb the man who was most likely sound asleep and snoring inside.

Sam gasped as the door slid open and she was faced with the sight of Zoe tucked up in bed beside him, her visible bare arm and shoulder giving her all the indication she needed that the two parties present had done more than just sleep, albeit that Dylan was still not physically capable of much in the way of intimacy given his injury. She stood motionless for well over a minute just staring at the pair and the satisfied look on her husband's face, trying to force her brain to comprehend what her eyes were seeing. Until that moment she had not realised the couple were sharing a bed once again or that in her absence they may have been doing more than simply spending time together, although thinking back she could not see why she hadn't spotted this coming a mile off.

Sam felt an undeniable wave of nausea surge up her throat and she ran back to the kitchen where she instantly vomited into the sink, choking back on tears as she did so. She knew that the two people curled up together only metres away were both grown adults and the fact that she herself was still technically married to Dylan notwithstanding they were both free agents and therefore able to do as they pleased. Yet there was something in the unexpected discovery that felt harsh, as if the couple had been lying to her or somehow exploiting her naivety with their actions. Furthermore she had to face the realisation that her marriage had now disintegrated all over again, despite being aware that this was an irrational thought and, there was an unnerving sense of heartbreak that she had not felt since the day she had told Dylan she was leaving him to go back to Afghanistan before breaking down behind her bedroom door. She had known well enough that the tension that had appeared between them since they had started to once again share a bed was temporary, an awkward hangover from the bittersweet memories of their marriage, but in spite of this Sam now comprehended that whilst she had been allowing herself to daydream of a reunion, her husband's mind had always remained on someone else entirely.

The bitter taste of sick in her mouth was overwhelming and she reached out to grab a cup, before quickly filling it with water from the tap and draining it even faster as she gulped at it to take away the vile sensation on her tongue. She almost dropped the glass in shock as the comforting form of Dervla appeared by her feet, looking up at her forlornly and she found herself briefly contemplating if the canine too realised that this was the end of something important just as she had seemed to do on the day Sam herself had said goodbye.

"Let's go," she said hurriedly, grabbing the dog's lead from the side and making her way back off the boat far faster than she had arrived, desperate to get away from thoughts of what had been occurring the night before in her husband's room and the bed she had only climbed out of less than eighteen hours before herself. The sunlight that hit her eyes as she opened the door now felt far too bright and disconcerting but Sam had to accept as she pulled the door closed behind her that this may be because those very same eyes were now filled with tears.

Dylan heard a faint clicking noise and scrunched his eyes up tightly as he was slowly brought back to consciousness from his slumber. As he began to wake up he realised he was sleeping at a strange angle and turned his neck sharply from side to side to stretch out his aching muscles and blinked his eyes repeatedly to gain some focus on his surroundings with daylight streaming through a crack in the curtains into the room. He could feel the form of someone lying beside him, but as he started to regain his faculties he identified that this person was not his usual sleeping companion, as their skin felt different against his own and the positioning of the person was not Samantha's usual placement in the bed. He cocked his head slightly to gain a better look and instantly recognised Zoe asleep under the covers with him and this caused a recollection of the events of the night before.

He slowly recalled how after dinner she had helped him towards his bed, insisting that as Sam would not be home until early morning he could not struggle to do everything alone whatever he may think. It had been against his better judgement that their conversation had continued long past the point when he had managed to deal with his personal care, independently of her help he was relieved to remember, but he was hazy on which one of them it had been who had initiated the kiss that had led to them being where they were situated at that moment. He did have a clear memory of him halting Zoe as she started unbuttoning her shirt to remind her that he was not fit and able to consider going where her mind might be wondering. Nonetheless he was certain she had dismissed his concerns and pointed out that there were plenty of other things she knew he was capable of, before she continued undressing in front of his gaze. However despite the activities that he knew they had actually, Dylan felt certain that the chemistry between them had been far less than he would have anticipated before his accident and unlike when he shared a bed on an almost daily basis with Samantha, there had been none of the crackling tension between him and his partner when they finally lay down to sleep. Even when their marriage had been breaking down, he recalled that his wife's touch upon his arm had always felt electric and yet somehow that connection he had been so sure had been there between him and Zoe before Samantha had reappeared mere weeks ago seemed absent now and he found himself staring at the woman sleeping beside him more in confusion than with anything else.

In horror Dylan glanced towards the clock and quickly realised that if current form was to go by he had less than an hour until Samantha was home from her shift and it dawned on him that he needed to ensure Zoe had departed by that point, if only to spare his ex-wife's feelings at witnessing him in bed with another woman, a point of irony that was not lost on him given that his marriage had broken down in the first place due to his wife straying with another man. As he reached over to shake Zoe awake he found himself incredibly irritated that she had allowed them both to go to sleep knowing full well that they would have to face the consequences in the morning, as he knew circumstances would be significantly worse if Samantha was to return at that moment and whilst he was unsure exactly why, he didn't doubt for a second that Zoe would have been able to comprehend this the night before.

"Morning," Zoe stated sleepily as her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, but it was as he took in her happy expression at having woken up beside him that Dylan recalled how his mind had been on Samantha most of the previous evening and how incredibly frustrated he had been to wake up under the spell of her excruciating touch the day before and being physically incapable of acting upon his feelings. That he had somehow allowed that pent up unfulfilled lust for his wife to culminate in him spending the night with Zoe was a mystery to him but although he knew he had been wrong in his actions towards his partner, it felt more important to him in that moment to address the impending nature of Samantha's arrival before the situation worsened.

"Yes, good morning," Dylan replied uncomfortably, shifting his gaze away from her quickly as she smiled back at him. "You need to leave," he added curtly.

"I need to leave?" Zoe asked with a bemused chuckle. "Seriously Dylan, way to make a girl feel special the morning after the night before," she added, leaning over to place a kiss on his lips but pulling back when he failed to reciprocate. "You mean it don't you? You want me to go?" she questioned, looking horrified when he just stared back at her unspeaking but saying everything he needed to with his lack of communication. "You're throwing me out? Dylan we just spent our first night together after your accident and whilst it wasn't exactly the same," she explained, referencing how his injury had impacted on their usual night time activities. "It just felt right to be back where we were a few weeks ago, back when it was just us and things weren't so complicated."

"That is the point though," Dylan countered snappily. "It isn't just us now is it? And whilst I am certain Samantha would be putting out the bunting to see us back together properly, I would rather she didn't walk into this room in less than an hour's time and find us together," he elaborated. "As much as I would rather not have the conversation I do feel it would only be appropriate for me to inform her of the change in circumstances before she witnessed it with her own eyes."

"Appropriate Dylan? Change in circumstances? This is our relationship not a business transaction," Zoe argued back, failing to keep the displeasure she was feeling from being etched across her facial expression. "Fine, whatever, I'll go," she continued, rolling herself over to the other side of the bed and reaching down to pick up her underwear and clothes from the floor before hurriedly dressing herself in determination to get out of his room before either she cried or said something they might both regret when they thought about it afterwards. As she sat perched on the edge of the mattress with her back to him she could feel his gaze boring into her but could not bring herself to turn around to look at him. In an odd way she knew she understood the concept of what he was saying and that in Sam's shoes it would be far better to hear that things were definitely back on track between her ex-husband and his new partner than witness the liaison first hand, but what did not sit right with her was how Dylan was suddenly capable of putting his ex-wife's feelings ahead of their own, or that he was even emotionally aware enough of the situation to even consider Sam's feelings in the first place. "Listen," she started reluctantly as she finished dressing herself. "I get that you want to talk to her, but I'm not prepared to keep doing this. It's me and you that are together now, not you and Sam, and right now you're making me feel like the other woman in your marriage," she continued honestly. "That isn't what I signed up for and unless you get this sorted, we can't go on like this."

"Quite," Dylan replied simply, staring straight ahead and refusing to acknowledge Zoe's eyes upon him. She leant back across the bed and slowly placed a kiss on his cheek before silently leaving the room and pulling the bedroom door closed behind her, breathing deeply to steady her emotions. She hastily crossed the living room, grabbing her coat and bag from where she had left them by the doorway before heading out into the daylight and off the boat without hesitation.

Zoe stormed down the path back towards her car still fuming at her forced exit from the boat and hating that here she was, in what she had deemed a committed relationship until just a few moments before, doing the walk of shame back to her car this early in the morning in last night's clothes and having not even stopped long enough to have a decent wash or fix her hair up before her departure. She glanced up the path ahead of her and cursed herself for having considered that this day couldn't get any worse when she spied Sam walking towards her, looking as confused as she felt and with a dog lead in her hand. Zoe smiled at the younger woman as they approached each other and it was as she really took in the girl's expression and the presence of Dervla by her side that it struck her that despite Dylan's best efforts to resolve this situation amicably, Sam must already have been back to the boat and witnessed the scene her ex-husband had been so determined to protect her from.

"Hi," Zoe stated simply, feeling unsure of the protocol of this particular situation despite her own complex relationship history. "You're walking the dog," she added, mentally kicking herself for saying the complete obvious.

"Yeah, figured Dervla needed some exercise before I crash out for the day," Sam answered politely, apparently more interested in the ground in front of her as she came to a halt a few feet away from Zoe than she was at looking at the other woman directly. "How's Dylan?"

"Fine, he's fine," Zoe responded, instantly feeling even more than a little uncomfortable. "I, um," she started, but realised she actually didn't have any words to cover this circumstance. "I need to get going, um, things to do."

"Yeah," Sam acknowledged, nodding her head slightly. "I should get back too. It's been a long night," she ended, before briefly glancing up at Zoe and then continuing her reluctant walk towards the boat, grateful to get away from the incredible awkwardness of the situation she had just found herself in. As she reached her destination she turned around to spy Dr Hanna scurrying back in the direction of where she usually parked her vehicle when visiting Dylan and found herself briefly wondering why the woman had left so quickly, given the couple had been sleeping so peacefully together only fifteen minutes before.

Sam opened the door to the boat and allowed Dervla to run in ahead of her, before she slowly took the steps down into the living area uncertain as to what she would be confronted with when she saw Dylan. She paused as she re-entered the space and spotted all the signs she had missed of the enjoyable evening the couple had obviously had the night before, with plates and glasses stacked up on the draining board and take-away containers piled up atop the small bin.

"Sam?" Dylan called through from his room, breaking her trail of thought and causing her to rub her eyes quickly to remove the tears that had silently started to drip down her cheeks. "Is that you?" she heard him add and she found herself walking towards his bedroom filled with trepidation as to how she was going to face him once more.

"Morning," she stated as she opened the door and studied her husband as he sat propped up against the cushions on his bed. "Have a good night?" she added, pointedly giving him the option of explaining to her that things had changed since she had last seen him.

"It was pleasant," Dylan replied quickly, unable to find any words to elaborate on the events of the previous night further and determined not to have this conversation with her whilst he was still lying in his bed and she was obviously exhausted from a long shift. She sat down on the bed beside him, unusually he thought choosing to sit on the edge of his side rather than pull herself up to lie on the side she had been sleeping on for the last few weeks. He stared at her intently, realising with sadness that it appeared she had been crying over something. "Rough shift?" he questioned, hoping that this would prompt her to explain whatever was wrong.

"No, fairly standard," she responded without hesitation before glancing over to him and he instinctively reached out to wipe his thumb under her right eye to remove the tear stain that had been left in her foundation. "I need to check your dressings and then get some sleep," she continued with a hint of irritation evident in her voice, which Dylan put down to her embarrassment at being caught out feeling emotional. He watched as she shuffled up the bed towards him before making to pull down the covers, at which point he took hold of her wrist with his hand and pulled her closer towards him.

"What's wrong?" he queried, catching hold of her other wrist as she tried to free herself frustratedly from his grasp. "Sam, come on, something is obviously wrong. Just talk to me please," he continued but sensed her stubborn refusal to engage in conversation with him so instead reeled her closer in towards him until they were just centimetres apart. Dylan found himself gazing straight into her familiar deep blue eyes and as he lost himself totally in the moment, he leant forward to kiss her momentarily before she pulled away, staring back at him puzzled. There was the shortest of pauses before Dylan found her lips crashing back down onto his and as their balance of weight shifted in the passionate embrace, he felt his wife allow herself to be dragged down on top of him as her fingertips dug into the bare skin of his shoulders.

"No, Dylan we can't," Sam mumbled into him between kisses, using her strength to push herself back out of his tight embrace and forcing her body into a seated position on the bed next to him. "I can't be that person for you," she tried to explain, stumbling over the words as she did so on seeing a look of abject confusion cross her husband's face. "Not now, not like this," she added as an afterthought, pushing memories of witnessing him asleep beside Zoe from her head as best she could. She knew that mentioning that to him would hurt her just as much as he would hate to discuss it and given what had just happened between them she doubted that this was the time or place to have that conversation. "Just let me get on with checking your dressings and then I'll get out of your hair," she stated matter-of-factly, inwardly deciding that the detachment she would have in treating him like the patient she was supposed to be seeing him as would help her separate the emotional mess currently inside her mind from the harsh reality of the situation she found herself in.

"We aren't even going to discuss what just happened?" Dylan questioned, raising his eyebrows in surprised that his usually argumentative and opinionated wife appeared to have lost her tongue.

"No, it was a mistake and deep down we both know that," Sam whispered tersely. "You were adamant that you wouldn't let Zoe nurse you because you were in a relationship with her and yet here I am taking care of you with you thinking the situation would be improved by you kissing me," she continued accusingly. "You can't have it both ways Dylan, it doesn't work like that," she shouted, glaring at him before a sense of bewilderment fell across her and she licked her lips to be sure of what she had discovered.

"What?" Dylan queried as her face fell into a frown and he saw the disappointment in her eyes, which was quickly replaced with anger.

"You've been drinking?" Sam retorted sharply. "Don't try to deny it I can taste it Dylan, it isn't like I don't know what to look for. You've started drinking again and you slept with Zoe, could this day get any better?" she argued, desperation kicking in at how horrible this position felt to her. "Were you ever going to tell me? Tell me you were drinking or that Zoe is now welcome to sleep in the same spot in this damn bed that I've been occupying for the past few weeks," she continued, slamming her hand down onto the duvet in frustration. "I saw her Dylan," she added sadly for clarification. "I came home earlier and I saw her."

"I'm an adult Samantha," Dylan replied after a pause, his voice dangerously low as he struggled to control both his anger at himself and his temper towards her. "If I choose to drink then that is my decision to make," he justified, realising that the addition of alcohol intake did at least enable him to make slightly more sense of his apparently irrational decision making process the previous night in inviting Zoe to share his bed. He briefly wondered whether his partner had been aware of his drinking, finding himself recalling the possibility of swigging some of her wine directly from the bottle when the weirdness of the situation he had found himself in had begun to hit home whilst Zoe had been clearing away the dinner plates late in the evening. "And as you are already aware, I am in a relationship with Zoe, one you stated you were happy to support if I remember correctly," he added with irritation. "You said I can't have it both ways, well neither can you. You were the one that ended our marriage so if I choose to spend the night with someone else that is hardly any of your business."

"I'm not saying I would have tried to stop you," Sam countered angrily, standing up and stalking over to the other side of the room to remove herself from his immediate vicinity. "I am just saying that given I live here too and that you have been more than happy to let me sleep in this bed most days since I arrived, you could have at least shown me the courtesy of telling me that the moment I jumped out of it you let her climb straight into my spot whilst it was still warm," she spat back at him. "Letting me just walk in on you like that was cruel even by your standards or are you too shutdown to see that?"

"What and you telling me you had been cheating on me with that man for months wasn't cruel Samantha?" Dylan responded dismissively, regretting dreadfully that he had not woken up several hours earlier that morning and whisked Zoe from the house before his wife had walked in on the scene she had witnessed but also finding himself increasingly frustrated that his limited mobility meant he would have great difficulty in physically preventing her from leaving at that moment. "We aren't together anymore. You have no right to dictate what I do, regardless of why you're here."

"You know what Dylan," Sam shouted, moving towards the bed and leaning forwards to make her point. "I might have been the one to tear us apart but I never stopped caring about you. I said I would stick around to help you, surely that counts for something? I'm not asking you to put your life on hold, I was just expecting that you would have taken my feelings into account," she continued, trying to keep the distress from her voice but recognising that she was barely succeeding. "How could you think it wouldn't hurt me that you haven't told me what's going on?"

"What like you did you mean?" Dylan argued from his seated position, scrunching up the duvet in his hands as he struggled to keep his cool. "I gave up everything for you and you just threw it back in my face, just like you always do and now you have the cheek to stand here and criticise me for wanting to live my own life and put me first for once," he retorted bitterly. "It was always about you, I always put you first."

"I never asked you to," Sam bit back, the feelings of guilt she had felt since their relationship had first been made public and Dylan had been forced to quit a job he loved flooding back through her veins almost instantaneously. "And for the record, I can think of plenty of times you never put me or our marriage first," she added sadly, "So sleep with Zoe, get drunk and do what the hell you like, but don't expect me to pick up the pieces because I can't do that, not after last time."

"As you said, I never asked you to," Dylan snapped, reiterating his wife's statement as he recalled the memories of that difficult period of their marriage. "Just get out Samantha, I don't need you here anymore," he continued sharply, blinking rapidly to stop himself from crying in front of her this time around.

"Don't worry, I'm gone," Sam answered croakily, her voice barely audible as a whisper as she held herself together to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling. "This was a mistake, me being here was a mistake. I'm no good for you, I never was."

For a moment the two of them stared at each other silently, reflecting on the row they had just had and the situation that this left them in, before Sam turned on her heel and fled the room, heading back through the boat at the quickest speed possible, grabbing Dervla's lead once more and taking the trusty canine out for her second walk of the hour in order to remove herself completely from the confines of Dylan's home.

Sam finally came to a halt from her almost run by a grass verge which she collapsed down onto and finally allowed herself to cry. With the exception of her current doggy company she felt completely alone in the world and totally unsure as to quite why she had remained in Holby for so long in the first place. She replayed some of the cruel words her and Dylan had just spoken at each other, physically wincing at some of the painful jibes she had both received and delivered. Sam knew full well that Dylan tended to react in anger when he either couldn't understand her actions or put up an emotional blockade to prevent himself from having to discuss something he felt uncomfortable talking about and usually however irritated she was, she could prevent herself from rising to his comments. However she was aware enough of her own emotions to know that she coped with being hurt by reacting angrily herself and therefore she had unforgivably lashed out at him in return, saying some things she doubted she would be able to take back easily even if he afforded her the opportunity of trying.

Sam felt the warm comfort of Dervla clambering into her lap and she buried her sobbing face into the dog's coat, trying desperately not to think about what would happen next and how she was going to manage facing Dylan when she returned to the boat, knowing as she did that whatever had already occurred she had signed on to care for him, so regardless of her own feelings she would soon have to go back and carry on as normal, a fact which only made her cry even harder than she had been before.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and if you enjoyed, please review... sorry you may not have gotten the happy ending to this chapter you might have hoped for! Anyway, next part will hopefully be up at the weekend.<strong>

**Callie x**


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